hp Page 46 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Rockies To Pirates: Thanks For Beating Our Asses, Here's Some Champagne
The Rockies got the shit kicked out of them by the Pittsburgh Pirates at home last night, because that’s what happens when a very bad team (the shit-ass Rockies) plays against a very good team (the cool Pirates). The win also happened to clinch the Pirates a playoff berth, a fact the Rockies were cu...
This Is The Billsiest Bills Fan
All Bills fans should strive to be as Billsy as this Bills fan. ...
Bournemouth's Matt Ritchie Hammers Home One Of The Season's Most Astounding Goals
Not content to let Callum Wilson have all the glory, AFC Bournemouth’s Matt Ritchie delivered this mind-altering strike to put his side up 2-0 against a hapless Sunderland side today. We feel pretty confident that this will stand up as one of the Premiership season’s best goals....
<i>South Park</i> Accurately Sums Up Ballghazi In A Cartman Dream Sequence
As you knew it would, South Park took on Ballghazi in tonight’s 19th season premiere. Cartman sums up the eight months spent investigating, millions of dollars, and god knows how many hours talking about whether Tom Brady ordered a small amount of air be removed from footballs in an appropriately so...
Dizzy Bat Ends Spectacularly For This Bills Fan
This is not a long video, but still manages to define “wait for it.” Here’s a Mario Williams jersey-clad Bills fan making the most of his morning tailgate time with a round of Dizzy Bat that ends in the most wonderful fashion....
Benteke Scores Overhead Volley Wondergoal; Liverpool Lose Anyway
Wow! Christian Benteke almost made today’s Manchester United-Liverpool match competitive! He certainly gave Old Trafford one of its best highlights in years, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the Red Devils, who took a 3-1 victory....
An R.E.M. Song For Each 2016 Presidential Candidate
So Donald Trump took the stage at an anti-Iran-deal rally to the strains of R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” and Michael Stipe got all salty about it, and, well, look out. You’re welcome....
An Idiot Invaded <i>WWE Raw</i> Tonight
It’s a miracle, given the proximity to and fanatical attitudes of fans at live wrestling events, that Idiots On The Field don’t turn up more often. But it happened tonight in Baltimore, as someone invaded the set and actually managed to hang around a bit during Seth Rollins’s ring entrance on WWE Ra...
Eras To Live In, Ranked
The past was awful. It was a time of choleric ignoramuses flopping around in their own shit and killing each other for entertainment. I feel bad for everyone who lived before today....
Callum Wilson Overhead Kick Gives Bournemouth Lead On Leicester City
We noted here that AFC Bournemouth had the potential to be one of the Premiership’s most exciting clubs this season, and the Cherries haven’t let us down—with Callum Wilson’s acrobatic overhead kick putting his side up 1-0 in the first half today against Leicester City....
Twist-Ending Philly Bro Fight Is The Broiest Bro Fight Ever
Click for the drunken stumbling and the incredibly inaccurate flurry of fists, stick around for the heart-warming finale....
Sarah Palin Lays Into ESPN Over Curt Schilling Suspension
It is way too early for this shit....
Reluctant Mascot Is Reluctant
We don’t blame you, kid. Nobody wants to shake a referee’s hand. ...
Little Pirates Fan Gets Baseball, Refuses To Put Down His Sign
Eight-year-old Pirates fan Dominic (sp?) held up a sign during last night’s Pirates game, in an attempt to get Starling Marte to give him a baseball for his birthday. Marte threw a ball in his direction, but another child grabbed it, which made little Dom sad. Poor Dom....
Liverpool Beat Stoke Thanks To Lightning Strike From Coutinho
Philippe Coutinho’s rocket from outside the box proved to be the deciding goal in today’s 1-0 Liverpool win over Stoke, and is more likely than not to hold up as the Premiership’s golazo of the opening week....
Yasiel Puig Catches Gregory Polanco With Perfect Throw
You’re Gregory Polanco. You’re not sure what to make of Starling Marte’s soft yawn of a hit, so you hedge. The rightfielder won’t be able to pick you off if you find the right space, right? Surely he won’t try to barehand it? ...
Formerly Apathetic Batter Francisco Liriano Hits Three-Run Jack
Once upon a time, Francisco Liriano gave so little of a shit about hitting that he didn’t even bother to stand in the batter’s box during his at-bats. This is his third year in the National League, though, and it looks like he’s finally figured the whole offense thing out: ...
Wooooosh
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Man With "Who Dat" Forehead Tattoo Accused Of Grabbing Officers' Balls
An inmate at Orleans Parish Prison was charged with two counts of battery of a police officer, simple battery, and sexual battery when he allegedly grabbed two officers’ testicles in separate incidents Monday and Tuesday....