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"I'd Rather Drink Methamphetamine," And Other Complaints About Soccer Being On ESPN
City's thrilling 1-0 win over Man United in today's Manchester Derby drew acclaim as a groundbreaking moment in broadcasting; the first-ever Premier League weekday game to air on ESPN (as opposed to ESPN2) earned on-air hype and plenty of attention on the Worldwide Leader's website. ...

They Tear Down Goalposts In Soccer, Too
Zenit St. Petersburg supporters went nuts after their team beat rivals Dynamo Moscow 2-1 Saturday to clinch a repeat Russian Premiership title, a victory gained despite being down a man for most of the second half. The thrill of victory led to the agony of jail for a handful of fans whose revelry g...

Luis Suarez Finished A Hat Trick With An Unbelievably Stupid Shot From Just Past Midfield
Liverpool striker and alleged racist Luis Suarez capped off a hat trick against Norwich City today with a ridiculous, stupid strike from 45 yards out. We use the words "ridiculous" and "stupid" here unironically. For him to take this shot with an nearly open pitch in front of him (and teammate St...

A Monumental Day For MLB, As Pirates And Rockies Debut Historic 26-Man Rosters
As part of the new collective bargaining agreement, MLB has some new rules. Some will have major effects on the sport, including playoffs, scheduling and free agency. Others are mere footnotes. This is in no way one of the mere footnotes....

Bristolmetrics: The NHL Received Twice As Much Airtime As The NFL
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....

This Drunk Lady Keeled Over In The Aisle During A Mavs Game
Friday night. Dallas. Spotlights beam down on a meaningless game, the playoff-bound (but underwhelming) Mavs against the tanking Golden State Warriors. The game is a spectacle. A party, really. For this lady. Reader and amateur videographer Baron tells us that the lass dances ("inappropriately str...

Penn State Offered To Rename Beaver Stadium After Joe Paterno So His Family Would Not Sue The School
Penn State and the Paterno family have quickly morphed from college football royalty to a sad episode of The Bickersons in a matter of months. After unceremoniously firing Paterno in the wake of his laissez-faire handling of the Jerry Sandusky allegations, the school offered certain concessions to ...

Manchester United Blew A Two-Goal Lead With Ten Minutes Left To Hold Open The Premiership Door
A win over Everton today would have virtually assured Manchester United yet another Premier League championship—and given the Red Devils were playing at home against a team that has never beaten them in the EPL hasn't won an EPL match at Old Trafford in 20 years, it should have been a lock....

Memphis Coach's Explanation For NCAA Violation: "My Wife Was Yelling At Me"
Josh Pastner committed a no-no the other night: He tweeted the name of a recruit from the University of Memphis's official men's basketball Twitter account. NCAA rules prohibit coaches from discussing recruits until they sign, and even though the tweet was deleted quickly, the damage had been done. ...

<em>Philadelphia Daily News</em> Puts 'The Cowardly Penguin' On Its Cover
You know, you look at this cover of Wednesday's Philadelphia Daily News and you get the subtle impression that maybe there's a chance the Penguins and Flyers don't like or respect each other much....

Scenes From An Execution: Here's All 17 Goals Marc-Andre Fleury's Allowed To The Flyers This Series
The Philadelphia Flyers increased their Stanley Cup playoff series lead on Pittsburgh to 3-0 yesterday after a mess of a game best illustrated through metaphor. The six goals allowed by Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury ran his total allowed in the series to 17—a number that looks even worse when...

Hulk Hogan, Everybody's Cheerleader
The Flyers rolled out the Hulkster to rile up the home crowd with the promo video you see above, which was shown during yesterday's Game 3 victory over the hated Penguins. True, Scott Hartnell did a Hulkamania-inspired send-up of a Hulkamania-inspired Pens fan earlier this month, but Hogan had als...

Here's A Quick Recap Of The First Period Between The Flyers And Penguins
Defense Wins Championships. NSFW?...

This Young Pens Fan Brought Her Teddy Bear To Last Night's Game. The Bear's Name? "Miller Lite."
Kids give their stuffed animals crazy names. When I was little, I had a stuffed bunny named "Ted Kennedy." So maybe I shouldn't be too shocked that this young fan, interviewed in Pittsburgh before last night's Pens-Flyers matchup in the Stanley Cup playoffs, has a bear named "Miller Lite." Some sh...

Bryan Stow And His Son Participate In Ceremonial First Pitch At San Francisco Giants Home Opener
Bryan Stow continues on his path to recovery following a vicious beating at Dodger Stadium that left him in a coma resulting in severe brain damage. The San Francisco Giants had hoped he would be able to attend Opening Day, but he remains in a care facility....

The Flyers Beat The Penguins 8-5 On Friday The 13th And Yes, Jaromir Jagr, Crazy Stuff Does Happen On That Day
Jaromir Jagr, channeling his inner Shaughnessy, summed up best the Game 2 outcome on Friday between the Philadelphia Flyers and Pittsburgh Penguins—a game where 13 goals were scored on Friday the 13th....

The Cavaliers' Mascot Had To Go To The Hospital Because David West Punched Him In The Eye
It's all fun and games until an NBA player lands a punch that sends a man in a giant dog costume to the hospital. This was the scene before last night's Pacers-Cavs game at Quicken Loans Arena, according Tom Reed of the Plain Dealer, who reported the story with the all the seriousness it deserved:...

NHL Ministry Of Truth: John Tortorella Was Fined For Cursing, Not For Calling Out "Whining" Penguins
Gary Bettman: "I think he did it four times ... He's a professional. He knows better than that. As emotional as you get, when you're a head coach in this league, when you're in a public media session, you shouldn't be cursing."...

Pepe Dives, Announcers Laugh
This happened Sunday, but it's the first we've seen of the feed involving the announcers from the UK's Sky Sports. At the 12-second mark, Pepe is tackled by Valencia's Pablo Piatta. The commentators are totally ready for what comes next, but they still can't contain their glee....

Mario Balotelli Won't Be Doing Things On A Soccer Pitch For Awhile After A Shameful Sunday Display
Mario Balotelli's season is likely over, as is his career with Manchester City after a reckless display at Ashburton Grove during City's 1-0 loss to Arsenal yesterday....