hp Page 90 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Thierry Henry Scored For Arsenal In His Homecoming Match To Put Them Up 1-0 On Leeds
Call it a fairytale, call it destiny, don't call it offside (which he was, most definitely) but Thierry Henry scoring for Arsenal—where he scored a club-record 226 goals between 1999 and 2007—is a story from the pages of British pulp fiction. That he scored the deciding goal in the Gunners' FA Cu...

Tim Howard Just Scored A Goal
In the game featuring Landon Donovan's Everton debut it was another American, goalkeeper Tim Howard, who stole the show, scoring a goal to put his side up 1-0 on Bolton Wanderers....

Demba Ba Drew First Blood For Newcastle Against Man U With This Fantastic Volley
In a week that's belonged to the giant-killers, Newcastle's aiming to be the next David and has a 1-0 edge on Manchester United thanks to this perfectly-placed volley by Demba Ba. [Fox Soccer]...

If You Wanted To See Journeyman Infielder Jack Wilson Kick A Football Into A Moving Jet-Ski, Here You Go
Bucs Dugout reports, "Jack Wilson on vacation. His dad sent me this." Wilson, who was an all-star for the Pirates in 2004, hit .243/.274/.285 over 79 games with the Mariners and Braves last year. Shockingly, he is still a free agent....

Yep, It Looks Like A Wisconsin Assistant Coach Ate A Booger At The Rose Bowl
We think this is Wisconsin assistant coach Joe Rudolph pulling a Spaulding in the first quarter of the Rose Bowl; here it is in full forensic-quality slow-mo and zoomed-in just for your enjoyment. [ESPN]...

Sunderland's Ji Dong-Won Delivers Last-Second Winning Goal, Then Makes Out With A Fan
Sunderland continued a giant-killing weekend in the English Premier League by stunning Manchester City in the final seconds of stoppage time with a goal by Ji Dong-Won....

Michael Jordan Announced His Engagement To His Model Girlfriend On The Five-Year Anniversary Of His Divorce
Michael Jordan proposed to his 32-year-old model girlfriend, Yvette Prieto, on Christmas. MJ's agent confirmed the engagement today—five years to the day after he and his wife of 17 years, Juanita, announced their divorce. (Juanita, for the record, did just fine.) Mr. and Mrs. Airness have been dati...

Sidney Crosby's Brain Still Hurts
Remember when Crosby had to sit for two games because, in the words of Penguins general manager Ray Shero, he "wasn't feeling 100 percent"? That was three weeks and eight games ago. And today, Pens coach Dan Bylsma told the media Crosby continues to experience the symptoms of a concussion, which me...

2011 Deadspin Hall Of Fame Nominee: Pig Who Pooped On His Own Balls (NSFW?)
He pooped on his own balls....

Because Bringing Your Dog To An English Premier League Match Makes Complete Sense
I suppose it's possible this Sunderland fan celebrating Nicklas Bendtner's opening goal over QPR at Loftus Road has a service animal of some sort, but I'm pretty sure seeing-eye dogs aren't meant to be tossed around like this poor pup. Sunderland won in a 3-2 heartbreaker. [BBC]...

Who's Racist In English Soccer This Week?
It can be difficult to keep up with racism in the English Premier League, so here's a brief, handy roundup from this week's news:...

Good Lord, These FIU Fans Are Drunk
ESPN has a Beef 'O'Brady's Bowl crowd mic in the middle of a section of enthusiastic FIU fans. Here's that audio channel isolated during a controversial spot in the second half of a tied football game. Eventually the fans stop using language entirely and start communicating in grunts. [ESPN]...

Chad McGhee Has Risen Up Against President Obama And Government Itself
Now that the Knox City Greyhounds season is over, Chad McGhee has turned his attention to matters besides Texas high school six-man football. Here, he takes both a moral and political stand against the POTUS and affiliated pagans who have declared war on the Lord. In these War on Christmas times, ...

Gather 'Round, Grove, Draper and Ronjohn: The Lacrosse All-Name Team Is Here
What makes a great lacrosse name? There must be a whiff of old money and non-rhotic lockjaw, but it's more than that. In the spirit of Potter Stewart's test for obscenity ("I know it when I see it") and Katie Baker's beloved lacrosse family the Stanwicks (Sheehan, Wick, Coco, Tad, Steele, Wells and ...

This Young Penguins Fan Is Devastated By His Parents' Unabashed Support Of The Red Wings
Your morning roundup for Dec. 15, the day we learned the hypocrisy of Internet piracy. Video from 96.1 Kiss FM, via Puck Daddy. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
![Pitt's Football Coach Told His Players He Quit Via A Forwarded Text Message [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4q1jqk7geijpg.jpg)
Pitt's Football Coach Told His Players He Quit Via A Forwarded Text Message [UPDATE]
Todd Graham came on as Pitt's football coach last January, and he almost lasted an entire year with the Panthers. He announced today that he's leaving, after a 6-6 season in Pittsburgh, for sunny Arizona State University....

Do With Tony Kornheiser's High School Yearbook Picture What You Will
Why the long neck? [Midwest Sports Fans]...

Memphis Basketball Announcer Accidentally Introduces "Head Coach Of The Memphis Tigers, John Calipari!"
The Memphis Tigers, coached by Josh Pastner, lost 76-72 to unranked (and undefeated) Murray State yesterday. John Calipari did not get credited with the loss, because John Calipari stopped coaching Memphis two and a half years ago, when Kentucky offered him $31.65 million and free membership to a ...

Sidney Crosby Has To Miss Two Games Because Of This Hit
He's been back for just eight games since he ended his 10-month absence because of a concussion, but Sidney Crosby won't play tomorrow in Philly or Saturday at the Islanders, the Penguins have announced....

Offshore Yacht Racing Can Get Really Goddamn Expensive
The Puma Mar Mostro had her mast snapped on the first leg of the Volvo Ocean Race (which, if you're unfamiliar with yacht racing, makes the America's Cup look like a Boy Scout portage), and the crew wound up on a barely inhabited southern island roughly equidistant from South Africa and South Americ...