i Page 5268 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo
Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's...
Today In Tifos
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....
March Madness Beer Brackets Are Stupid, So Here's The Winner Of Ours!
Have you guys filled out all your brackets? I'm a bit behind this year. I've taken care of "Vegan Pizza Toppings," "Aunts Who Have Disappointed Me," "Bands I've Never Heard Of," and "Dudes Named Gary," and today I hope to get to "NCAA Men's Basketball," but I doubt I'm going to find time to complete...
The Colts' New Rule Proposal: Touchdown Drives Worth Up To Nine Points
The NFL's Competition Committee plans to discuss proposals for rule changes with team owners at meetings next week, and this year, there's a particularly fun idea submitted by the Colts: If a team scores a touchdown, then successfully goes for two points, it can kick a bonus 50-yard field goal for...
Seth Davis Is Still Promoting His Mom's Hoax Cancer Cures
During BYU-Ole Miss, you might have been perplexed by this tweet from Sports Illustrated writer and CBS Sports analyst Seth Davis, after Cougar guard Chase Fisher did something good....
Bernard Pierce To Cop After DUI: "I'm Getting Cut." And He Is!
Running back Bernard Pierce was released by the Baltimore Ravens today, hours after he was arrested on charges that included driving under the influence of alcohol and speeding. The move probably didn't surprise Pierce who, according to a police statement of probable cause, asked the officer who pul...
A 21st-Century Rip Van Winkle: What Changed In My Decade Behind Bars
When the New World was two centuries newer, Washington Irving set a fable, "Rip Van Winkle," in the oldest parts of New York State, where the original Dutch settlers' culture still lingered. Life was European then—just set in America. But progress stops for no man. The story's hero evades his naggin...
WGN Has Woman Make Sparks With Her Crotch In Front Of Awestruck Kids
This wonderful moment in local news history was broadcast recently on Chicago's WGN. Please note the children in the background....
If You Like Lanky, Versatile Big Men, Root For Frank Kaminsky
If the only skin you have in March Madness is the money you've invested in bracket pools, might I suggest paying attention to the 7-foot Midwesterner with the name of a 50-year-old plumber? Wisconsin's extremely talented forward Frank Kaminsky has led the 31-3 Badgers to their first-ever No. 1 see...
How To Bury Your Parents
Your mom is going to die. Your dad is also going to die....
Olivier Giroud Is Good At Everything Except His Job
That right there is the quintessential pose of Olivier Giroud. His head tilted skyward, his face tightened into a pained grimace, his hands slowly making their way upward to his eyes or hair as he attempts to rub away the memory of whatever near-chance he was just unable to put away....
This Guy's Terrible Mashups Of Hozier's "Take Me To Church" Are Great
Have you ever listened to a song and felt it was missing that special something? Maybe you thought the tune was excessively cheery, and needed more melancholy wailing from the likes of Hozier, the dour Irish dude whose droning "Take Me to Church" is, somewhat inexplicably, a huge pop hit....
How Those 3-on-3 Overtime Rules Would Cut Down NHL Shootouts
The NHL general managers are having their annual meetings this week and for the second year in a row they are discussing rule changes to decrease the number of games that are resolved by a shootout. The particular ideas they're tossing around—centered around adopting a 3-on-3 overtime—stand a very g...
Chinese Hoops Player Makes Best Highlight, Worst Mistake Of His Life
Han Dejun is a 7-foot-1 center who plays for the Liaoning Flying Leopards in the Chinese Basketball Association. He's huge. In this video, you can see him dunking on Stephon Marbury, who is both old and relatively small, and then nearly hyping his own face off. ...
What Happens When A 38-Year-Old Man Takes An AP History Test?
I never took an AP course in high school. I'm pretty sure it was because I never qualified for it (I went straight B-minuses throughout my high school career), but it was also because I went to school back when taking AP courses wasn't the dire necessity that it is for today's students. According ...
If You Hate College Basketball, Root For Iowa State
Maybe you're one of those basketball aesthetes who dreads March Madness, who just doesn't understand why anyone would want to watch a bunch of semi-skilled college kids try to hump a ball into a basket 35 seconds at a time. That's fine! You can hate college basketball all you want, but I'm here to t...
Sex And Dead Children: Every FCC Viewer Complaint About The Super Bowl
As we do every year, we recently submitted a FOIA request to the FCC for all the complaints it received from viewers upset by something aired at the Super Bowl. There were 34 of them, ranging from disgust toward the Katy Perry/Missy Elliott halftime show, offense at commercials that featured sex o...
All Eyez On Me: Kendrick Lamar's Dense, Neurotic <i>To Pimp A Butterfly</i>
Kendrick Lamar doesn't make anything easy. Sunday night, he briefly broke the constantly breaking internet by issuing his new album, To Pimp a Butterfly, a full week early on iTunes and multiple streaming services; by Monday afternoon, iTunes had both frantically pulled it back down and just as ...
Kyle Turris, Damn
There is still plenty of room on the Senators bandwagon (which you should not board, because it will undoubtedly career off the road and burst into flames with impeccable comedic timing)....