ick Page 349 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dirk Nowitzki Couldn't Get The Two Measly Points The Celtics Kind Of Wanted To Give Him
“Most career points in the arena by a visiting Western Conference player” is the type of mark that’s closer to a tough trivia answer than a cherished record, and Dirk Nowitzki only needed a single field goal to pass Kobe Bryant for it in Boston last night. Everyone involved wanted the vile Kobe to l...
Enes Kanter Will Not Travel With The Knicks To London Because Turkish Spies Might Kill Him
The life of a political dissident can be rather strenuous to a person’s work schedule. No one in the NBA knows this better than Knicks center Enes Kanter, an outspoken critic of Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdogan and the government he presides over. After his team’s win over the Lakers on Friday...
Derrick Rose’s Bullshit Redemption Story Might Make Him An All-Star
Every year, the NBA releases the first round of All-Star Game fan voting as a way to drum up excitement for its yearly showcase of the best players in the league. This season’s first batch of voting holds few surprises; among the top vote-getters are LeBron James, Kyrie Irving, Steph Curry, and... ...
The Spiraling Memphis Grizzlies Are Now Punching Each Other
The Grizzlies lost to the Detroit Pistons Wednesday night, 101–94. It was an ugly, frustrating performance for a Memphis team that has now lost 10 of their last 13 games after a promising 15–9 start to the season. The angst and frustration appears to have boiled over in a team meeting held after the...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
Nick Foles Has Done It Again, Of Course
Although it seemed unlikely coming into Sunday, and even more unlikely several weeks out, we all kind of knew this would happen. The Nick Foles-led miracle Eagles have scratched their way back into the playoffs, edging out the Minnesota Vikings for the NFC’s second Wild Card spot. This could only ha...
Week 17 Is A Great Week To Watch Quarterbacks Catch Touchdowns
The early games on Week 17 Sunday are not that interesting. Everything with some drama was flexed to 4 p.m., so fans are left watching a bunch of blowouts and meaningless games....
Alabama Football Player Stops Himself From Saying Something Interesting About Kyler Murray
When asked a question about Heisman Trophy winner and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray, Alabama defensive lineman Quinnen Williams almost gave an honest answer in advance of Saturday night’s Orange Bowl....
Fuck Digital Tickets
Earlier this year, I decided to garner a boatload of daughter points all at once to make up for the fact that I moved 1,300 miles away from home. My dad came to visit me for Father’s Day, so I got us tickets to see the Baltimore Orioles play at Camden Yards. We both love baseball, and this would be ...
Larry Fitzgerald Throws First Career Touchdown Pass
With reports circulating that the Cardinals won’t bring him back next season, Steve Wilks and the rest of his coaching staff have decided to go bold with their play-calling as they try and play spoiler against the visiting Los Angeles Rams. For one of their final decisions in charge, they decided to...
Jordan Pickford's Manuel Neuer Impression Ended In Disaster
Tottenham pantsed Everton something serious this afternoon, scoring six goals on the hapless Toffees. Their attack was ruthless and Everton never seemed to get up to speed. Son Heung-Min banged in the opener with a well-placed shot, though really, the story of that goal is Everton keeper Jordan Pic...
Louis Riddick Shares His Extremely Smart Thoughts About Addiction And Mental Health
Louis Riddick wasn’t responding directly to fellow ESPNer Stephen A. Smith’s latest dose of stupid, but in this clip from this morning’s episode of Get Up, it certainly seemed like that’s what Riddick was doing....
Luka Dončić's Step-Back Jumper Is As Smooth As It Gets
The Mavericks lost to the Clippers last night in a rather entertaining edition of the DeAndre Jordan Bowl, one where nobody was particularly interested in playing defense and Lou Williams did the Lou Williams thing of making every goddamn shot he thought about. Leading the line for the Mavs was Slov...
Zion Williamson Laughs And Hides His Face After Being Asked About Maybe Someday Joining The Knicks
The insanely overpowered Duke Blue Devils gave Texas Tech their first loss of the season Thursday night, at Madison Square Garden, in a refreshingly competitive 69–58 game. Among other things, this was humanoid megafauna Zion Williamson’s first career game at the home of the Knicks, and so of course...
Rick Pitino Settles For Coaching Gig In Greece, Just As I Have Settled For Life Without Power Over All Living Things
Just two months ago, Rick Pitino and I had big dreams. He was going to stride confidently back into the NBA, take control of a franchise desperately in need of his knack for player development, and begin the satisfying third act of his career. I, on the other hand, was going to ascend into the cosmo...
Mark Cuban's Plan For Cleaning Up His #MeToo Mess: Hire A Woman To Do It For Him
The cover of the newest issue of Bloomberg Businessweek dispenses with the magazine’s fondness for abstract, artsy covers. In one of a small handful of instances this year, the front page centers a single person with a straightforward headline. “How to Clean Up A #MeToo Mess,” reads the white text o...
Frank Solich Still Has Some Tricks Up His Sleeve
We are thick in the middle of the most hilariously named bowl games, and while Wednesday’s Frisco Bowl can’t compete on that front with this, the day before, or this, the day after, perhaps we can take some solace in the fact that until last year the Frisco Bowl was the Miami Beach Bowl, meaning all...
The Knicks Are In The Freezing-And-Bloodied-And-Lying-In-Actual-Dog-Poop Stage Of Rebuilding
David Fizdale has a tough job. His Knicks are 9–24 on the season. They’ve lost three straight, they’re one of the two or three worst defensive teams in basketball, and Kristaps Porzingis is out indefinitely. A lesser coach might struggle to conjure motivational messages any more vivid than “the giga...
Unbeaten Buffalo May Not Be Big-Time, But They're No Fluke<em></em>
The Buffalo Bulls continued their undefeated season on Tuesday night, moving to 11-0 on the year with perhaps their most impressive win to date. After a rough start that saw them down nine early on, the Bulls rode a late charge and defeated Syracuse at the Carrier Dome 71-59. Along with an overtime ...
Penny Hardaway Tells Rick Barnes "Get The Fuck Out Of Here" After Feisty Press Conference
Tennessee’s 102-92 victory over Memphis on Saturday featured a very chill imitation of a scuffle between the two teams in the final minute. A few days after the game, however, this once-lean beef is starting to look pretty appetizing. At his Tuesday press conference, Memphis first-year coach Penny H...