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Maybe Don't Stand There
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Tonight On ESPN Classic
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter!...
Daddy Trump Let Lil' Donnie Pick The Interior Secretary Most Likely To Let Him Kill Things<em></em>
Donald Trump Jr., an avid hunter and even more avid hunting message board user, will officially be taking over the family business come inauguration day. This means that there’s absolutely no world in which Don Jr. should be meddling in his father’s pending presidency whatsoever. Except, apparently,...
Kristaps Porzingis Was Ready To Scrap
The Knicks took on the Suns last night, and despite losing this matchup of dysfunctional defenses, Kristaps Porzingis posted 34 points (including a perfect 4-of-4 from the arc), eight rebounds, three blocks, three steals, and the feistiest moment of his brief career. In the third quarter, Porzingis...
Lane Kiffin Got What He Deserved
The new FAU head coach said it best during his introductory press conference: “You don’t get what you want, you get what you deserve.”...
Rick Perry's Glasses Qualify Him For Important Science Post, Building Nukes<em></em><em></em>
Rick Perry, a swaggering idiot who found a pair of glasses on the street one day, is about to become the head of the Department of Energy, according to CBS News. The Department of Energy’s job right now is to develop the next generation of nuclear weapons. What this means practically speaking, of co...
St. Louis News Station Mercilessly Roasts Rams Executive
Jeff Fisher got shitcanned today, meaning he will no longer be glowering on the Rams sidelines and mangling Jared Goff’s development. Nobody’s happier about this than St. Louis’ FOX affiliate, who reveled in Fisher’s failures and stunted on Rams COO Kevin Demoff. As FOX2 noted, Demoff’s father is Fi...
DeMarcus Cousins Does Beautiful Impression Of Joakim Noah's Shooting Form
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Joakim Noah’s shooting motion can be awkward as hell, but most basketball players do not acknowledge this truth by mocking it to Noah’s face in the middle of a game. DeMarcus Cousins is not most basketball players:...
Carmelo Anthony Sure Seems Tired Of Phil Jackson's Shit
Phil Jackson, a guy who would look a lot dumber without his glasses, continues to emit ill-advised takes that make good NBA players angry. For his most recent target he chose his own star forward, Carmelo Anthony. Now feels like an odd time to seed resentment among Jackson’s Knicks, who, last night’...
Actual Body Expert Says Draymond Green's Excuses For Balls-Kicking Don't Hold Up
Draymond Green, whose feet regularly find the sensitive fleshy bits between his opponents’ legs, has taken a pretty self-righteous tack in his response to critics: Green says the people who make the rules for the NBA just don’t get how human bodies work....
Notre Dame Fans Take Out Full-Page Meme In Student Paper Calling For AD's Job
No matter how you look at it, Notre Dame’s football team sucked, and it seems fans are roughly three steps away from the acceptance stage....
Todd Bowles Forgot To Tell Ryan Fitzpatrick He Was Benched For The Season
After Monday’s blowout loss to the Colts, Jets head coach Todd Bowles told the media that Bryce Petty, who had come on in the third quarter for Ryan Fitzpatrick, would be the team’s starting quarterback for the rest of the season. Bowles said that he made the decision even before the game: “We could...
This Storm Sure Looks Like Something
This wind storm is only a little bit excited about showing up in Portland....
Phil Jackson Still Doesn't Get It
Last month, Phil Jackson referred to LeBron James’s group of friends as his “posse,” which angered both LeBron and his business partner and friend Maverick Carter. Both men took specific issue with Jackson’s use of the word and noted the perceived racial undertones of what Jackson said. Whether or n...
Kickboxer Who May Actually Be Captain Falcon Ends Fight With Flying Knee Strike
If you played as Captain Falcon in Super Smash Bros, you could K.O. opponents with a wild jumping knee strike lovingly dubbed the “knee of justice.” I never thought I’d see someone pull it off in real life, but here we are....
Of Course Andrew Bogut Has Bad Pizzagate Takes
A certain subset of the dumbest people alive are riled up over an unbelievably specious conspiracy theory that posits Hillary Clinton and her associates are secretly running a pedophilia and child trafficking ring out of the basement of Comet Ping Pong, a pizza joint in Washington D.C. It’s known as...
It's Bryce Petty Time
The New York Jets still have four games left to play, but last night’s no-show against the Colts was an effective and fitting end to their season. The Jets are 3-9 now, and whatever combination of luck and competence that got them to a 10-6 record last season is nowhere to be found....
Are You Ready To Be Entertained By A Squash Rally?
In recent years we’ve blogged more regularly about squash as something to roast, but I offer you this recent snippet for you to determine whether you’d rather eat it, watch it or neither....
Chip Kelly Explains Why He Benched Colin Kaepernick
Blame it on the snow, but that was barely football....
Look At This Great One-Handed Cricket Catch
Today’s cricket match between Australia and New Zealand was a big win for the Aussies, letting them keep their number one spot in the one-day international rankings. It also included this completely sick one-handed diving catch from Australia team captain Steve Smith:...