il Page 1294 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Meet Joe Paterno. He Lives In Paterno, Italy.
PATERNÒ, Italy—Heading west from the Sicilian port city of Catania, I see two things—the volcano that has destroyed Catania seven times since the age of the Greeks and, a little farther down the road, an exit sign for a city whose name would remind any American of calamity: Paternò. ...
There Are Closed Captioning Typos, And Then There's Calling Carlos Peña "Hitler"
Closed captioning transcriptionists have hard jobs, especially in sports. Fast action, foreign names, and occasionally-drunk announcers all throw stumbling blocks in the way of providing meaning for the hearing-impaired....
Andrew Luck Made A Shitty Doodle of Lucas Oil Stadium And It Sold For $1500 On Ebay
People often bemoan the grown men who go autograph hunting, and maybe rightly so, but that's a debate for another day because there is something far, far worse. It is the guy who spends $1500 on a fucking chicken scratch sketch of a stadium drawn and signed by some rookie NFL player who hasn't even...
Red Sox Player Mutiny Now Kelly Shoppach's Fault Somehow
The New York Daily News features a screamer of a headline this morning: "Adrian Gonzalez off the hook as NY Mets' Kelly Shoppach takes fall for Boston's text mutiny." Oh, weird! I guess, contrary to the report from Yahoo, it was not "Adrian Gonzalez, texting on behalf of himself and some teammates,"...
The Houston Astros Tossed A Band-Aid Into A Flowing River Of Blood
Manager Brad Mills was fired last night. No longer shall he be burdened with holding the rudder of the one-player-currently-making-more-than-$750,000-Houston Astros. The team announced the move via email last night, following a particularly Houston Astro-ish loss to the Diamondbacks. Houston also se...
Jay Glazer's NFL Training Camp Survival Kit Included A Steak Knife Under His Pillow
There's a quick question and answer profile on Jay Glazer in the Albany Times-Union that covers most of the usual bases. Terribly boring and soul-crushing jobs at the outset, dogged determination, a secret mixed-martial arts career and eventual success in one's profession....
Is This The Most Terrifying Weather Alert In The History Of Television?
It's midnight. You're snug in your Nashville bed, or maybe on the sofa with your lips wrapped around a crack pipe, I don't know, but whatever excuse you have for watching Jimmy Fallon, that's it....
Dead Letters: "Congrats You Unimaginative Retard"
Subject: Too Funny...
Your <em>Expendables 2</em> Power Rankings
The Expendables 2 has 11 names on its poster only because there is not room, either in poster space or running time, for 47. It is New Years Eve with testicles. It is the turducken of action movies. Rather than review the film, I thought I'd just rank those 11 names, in ascending order of Expendable...
Cockblocked By Pot Brownies!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Philadelphia Lazily Goes Through The Motions Of Complaining That Jimmy Rollins Doesn't Hustle
Sure, the Philadelphia Phillies, with their $173 million payroll, are 10 games under .500 and scrambling to catch the Mets for third place in the division. They have an OPS+ of 89 and only one position player on the active roster who was born after 1983. But they're unafraid to confront the real pro...
Former Columnist And Accused Child Molester Bill Conlin "Enjoying His Retirement" At Undisclosed Location, His Lawyer Says
Bill Conlin's long career as a sports columnist for the Philadelphia Daily News came to a sudden end last December when three women and a man told the Philadelphia Inquirer he had molested them as children. Authorities determined the allegations against him were credible, but that the incidents were...
Melky Cabrera Totally Ruined This Kid's Day
The San Francisco Chronicle has a gutpunch of a piece, telling the story of one little boy looking forward to the best birthday ever: a day at the ballpark to watch his favorite player, Melky Cabrera....
Woman Who Sat For A While On A Hot Bench Outside Cowboys Stadium Now Suing Jerry Jones
How long were you on this planet before you realized that hot things hurt, and you shouldn't touch them? A few months? A year or two, tops? So when you see a black marble bench, baking in a summer Texas sun on a 101-degree day, maybe you think, hey, it's probably hot, I shouldn't sit there. And even...
The Man Who's Now The Managing Editor Of SI.com Is An Expert On Women's Hair
Sports Illustrated has hired a replacement for SI.com editor Paul Fichtebaum, who was kicked up the chain last month to oversee the integration of the magazine's print and web operations. This morning, the company informed staffers that Matt Bean, the vice president for digital product development...
Four Umpires, And Not One Knows The Count
Yes, the job of the men in blue can sometimes be a dangerous one. But most of the time, the gig is just a matter of calling what they see, while also keeping track of exactly where everything stands. Simple, right? Well, things got a bit confusing for all involved during Carlos Lee's ordinary at-bat...
Throwing Up Dip And Learning About Blowjobs: Deadspin's Notes On Summer Camp
I went to Camp Deerhorn in Rhinelander, Wis., every summer for the majority of my adolescence. It was an awesome camp. We got to fire guns. We got to shoot arrows. We got to go on horseback rides. (I’ve never shit my pants with more direct force than the first time I was on a horse and it went from ...
Taylor Grey Meyer, Who Kindly Told The Padres To "Suck Her Dick," Is Here To Answer Your Questions
Everyone, meet Taylor Grey Meyer. Taylor, meet everyone. Taylor is the overqualified, underemployed 31-year-old who applied 30 different times for various jobs with the Padres, getting rejected or ignored each time. When they tried to hit her up for $500 to attend a job fair, she snapped and fired o...
Gregg Williams Is Going Backpacking In Northern Thailand
CBS Sports reports that Gregg "Kill The Head" Williams is headed off to "the remote villages of rural Northern Thailand for a backpacking sojourn":...