il Page 1328 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Philly Fan Does Most Philly Fan Thing Ever After Last Night's Flyers Loss
Despite falling behind early, Pittsburgh eked out a 3-2 Game Five win over the Flyers last night, extending the series and forcing a Game Six in Philadelphia tomorrow. Marc-Andre Fleury—whose previous play in the net thus far has been an Open Door Policy—was stellar, and we'll guess this fan at a...
These Brewers Fans Are Especially Concerned About What's On Tap
At first glance, this appears to be your regular "colorful" couple, found in ballparks across the country. Then you realize the guy has a bat, and the entire nature of the evening changes....
The Sacramento Kings Are Now So Desperate That They're Marketing To Old Stoners
Are you a Sacramento Kings fan? Ha, no, shut up, you're not. They're half a game ahead of last place in the West, 2-8 in their last 10, headed for the lottery again. They're probably leaving town. Who would ever want to go to a Kings game?...
Unpopular Sport Forms "Strategic Promotional Alliance" With Band That Sucks
Big announcement today from the NHL. So big it merited a press release that maunders on for nearly 1,000 words. You're not going to bother reading it, but here's the gist: The NHL has an awards show on June 20 in Las Vegas. It has hired Nickelback to be the headlining band. It's hailing the move as ...
Pedro Martinez And Kevin Millar Delivered A Boozy, Awkward Toast To Fenway Before Today's Game
A lengthy ceremony recognizing the 100th anniversary of Fenway Park before today's Yankees-Red Sox game came to a close with former Sox stars Kevin Millar and Pedro Martinez offering a toast, sort of, to the stadium—while sounding a bit like they'd been rehearsing it for some time. (The Red Sox a...
Czech Women Will Use You As A Bodyguard
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
College Newspaper Captures Euphoria Of Historic Upset With Headline Alluding To Masturbation
Division II Francis Marion University (S.C.) knocked off defending Division I national champ South Carolina in a baseball game on April 11. FMU's student paper is a weekly, and even though the edition chronicling the big win wasn't published until this week, the upset was still enough to merit front...
Clearly, Steroids Are Still A Problem In Major League Baseball
Witness the physique of the hero known only as The Mighty K.C., who terrorizes the children who can be found amongst the 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, or 600 fans who are just there, there, at Safeco Field; having done his work, he heads off into the great unknown....
First "Franchise" Footage Shows Ozzie Guillen Getting Suspended
Showtime released a brief, two-and-half-minute video to tease the second season of "The Franchise." The 30-minute premiere airs Saturday at 9 p.m., and if this clip is any indication, Showtime might pull in a few more subscriptions as a result. There's all the drama of building a new stadium, play...
Report: Billy Hunter Moves To Push Derek Fisher Out As Union President
Can't say this one comes as much of a surprise, but NBA Players Association honcho Billy Hunter has finally started his move to force out union president Derek Fisher, a guard for the Oklahoma City Thunder, after five years on the job. Theoretically, Fisher has two years remaining in his role as uni...
Diamondbacks Fan Catches Foul Ball, Does Not Drop Pizza
This happened Monday night, but it was only brought to our attention today. Let's blame the fact that the Pirates were playing. Anyway, just throw it in the pile with all those other videos of guys catching foul balls while holding a baby or a cup of beer, while one of the announcers cracks wise a...
NHL Disciplinary Math Update
Complaining that no penalty was called on this is four times as bad as doing this. Carry on....
Lou Williams Tries To Sit, Andre Iguodala Yanks His Seat
It's been a tough run of late for the 76ers. They had lost three straight and seven of nine heading into last night's appointment in Cleveland, and their CEO is now soliciting personnel input from the internet. But because they earned a much-needed road win, garbage time offered an occasion to smi...
Ozzie Guillen Has More Praise For Some Guy Named Castro, According To ESPN
Here's hoping everybody reads beyond the headline....
Lucha Libre Cubs Fan Hasn't Won <em>Campeonato Consejo Mundial</em> Since 1908
The Marlins crushed the Cubs 9-1 last night in front of an announced 25,000 spectators, one of which was this Cubs fan in headgear we can't imagine is particularly comfortable in the Miami heat. But hey, at least he got to see this a few times....
Blazers Owner Composes Rage Comic Equating Local Columnist With Big-Eared Octopus
Portland Trail Blazers owner Paul Allen is the 48th richest person in the world, with a net worth of $14.2 billion. Evidently, all that dough (and being the cofounder of Microsoft) doesn't get you a thick skin when local columnists target your team's less-than-stellar season (or an advanced grasp of...
76ers CEO Invites Fans To Be "Our Twitter GM," Uses Poor Grammar
The Philadelphia 76ers began the season 20-9, but they're now hovering near .500 and clinging to the eighth and final spot in the Eastern Conference. Adam Aron, the team's ever-engaging CEO, is apparently open to any and all suggestions from his nearly 15,000 Twitter followers. It's doubtful Joe fro...
This Is Why You Should Not Run Onto A Rugby Pitch Dressed As Goldilocks
We're not sure what English rugby announcers say when drunk people run onto the field. Perhaps "There's an idiot on the pitch?" But their cameramen are as uptight as their American counterparts, and immediately cut away from all the fun....
LeBron And Jay-Z Have A Secret Handshake
We regret missing this after the Nets-Heat game on Monday night, but you ought to forgive us because it was a game that involved the New Jersey Nets. LeBron James scored the Heat's final 17 points—Miami outscored Jersey by 12 in the fourth quarter but only won by three—and then shook hands with Net...
Tony Parker's Crossover Of Ramon Sessions Is So Good, Sessions's Teammate Applauds
Parker goes from left to right so quickly, Sessions is left with an instant to wonder what happened before he makes a too-late attempt to recover. But what about Jordan Hill, in the headband on the Lakers' bench? Parker's move also seems to fake him into cheering for the wrong team....