il Page 1649 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's Clear That The World Needs Shaq Now More Than Ever
Of course you've seen him in hot pursuit of criminals in the Shaqmobile, and it's no secret that he snaps into action whenever President Bush activates his signal watch, helping to preserve the honor and dignity of this nation's highest office. And sure he can bust through walls. But now here's Shaq...
Don't Expect Your Rec League To Adopt These
These, friends, are the future of college basketball uniforms, and that future is: SPANDEX! OK, not quite Spandex, but there's certainly a skin-tight vibe going on for the four teams who will supposedly try out the new duds during their conference championships this week: Ohio State, Syracuse, Flori...
Tar Heel Blue Nation Seeing Red Today, Not Surprisingly
A lot of vitriol flowing around the Web this morning, most of it aimed at Gerald Henderson and Duke. But none seemed more perturbed at the roundhouse elbow to the probiscus of Tyler Hansbrough than the Tar Heels men's cheerleading squad, who were in Henderson's face, dude! You do not want to anger p...
Billy Packer, Information Dissemination Specialist
Of all the "Sweet Christ, Billy Packer is so full of equine excrement" moments, we have to say, the "Just Going For The Ball!" foul from Gerald Henderson on Tyler Hansbrough at the end of the Duke-UNC game is definitely near the top of the list. Whatever your thoughts on the reason for Henderson's a...
NFL General Managers Make It Rain
The first twenty-four hours of the NFL's free agency period have come and gone. There was a flurry of activity last evening ... let's get ourselves caught up....
Bristol Tailors Better Start Working On His Suits Right Now
As pretty much everybody knew already, Bill Parcells is trading spending his days with Terrell Owens for the chance to spend them with Chris Berman. We'd call that "a lateral move." Parcells is happy to be back in Bristol....
Ricky Williams, Now 57 Percent More Deep!
The ludicrously stretched gentleman here — if we could do that, we'd never leave the house! — is Ricky Williams, and if you're the type to never get tired of Ricky Williams stories, well, here's another one....
Slightly Deep Inside The Brain Of Agent Zero
The best piece of writing we've ever read about Wizards space cadet Gilbert Arenas was the famous Wizznutzz psychological profile of Agent Zero, which includes this brilliant factoid: "Gil was at the birth of his daughter! It wasnt a tom cruise scientology "Silent birth" but Gil did put his Halo gam...
Soon, Americans Will Lack The Need To Move
Click to view Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator - The most amazing bloopers are here...
Jerry Glanville Is Movin' On Up
So you know how Jerry Glanville is now the defensive coordinator at Hawaii? That's a job that has always made sense; if you've made your money in football, and still want to be a part of it but don't want to live the insane, 20-hour-day of the modern coach, kicking back and coaching defense in Hawai...
Baseball Season Preview: Milwaukee Brewers
You might remember, from back at the beginning of the NFL season, when we previewed each team by having a writer we liked write about their favorite team....
Mission Accomplished
So if we're understanding Shaq correctly, the past few NBA MVP awards have been tainted, but being lauded by the current Commander-In-Chief is juuuust fine. No taint there....
Sports Illustrated Apologizes For All The Diarrhea
If the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition didn't have enough problems already — sorry, guys, it's not 1985 anymore; you have no idea how much more access we have to naked people now — it appears now they've got another issue: When you think of the SI swimsuit edition, you just have to think of Hepa...
The Stoner Hoops Highlight Reel
Ah, the halcyon days of yesteryear, when life consisted mostly of lying around in your pajamas all day, playing Sega, pretending to study and mostly mastering the art of Nerf basketball. These dorm room kids from Vanderbilt have mastered this art, and the whole enterprise is making us feel extremely...
The Soundtrack To Ashley Judd's Next Movie
Because nothing's more fun than a good embarrassing fan-made video, here's something's that's becoming a yearly tradition: A completely humiliating Kentucky "rap" video....
Luis Castillo Is Protective Of His Anus
Last week, Twins second baseman Luis Castillo was scheduled to receive his yearly physical from team doctors. But he kept wanting to delay it, much to the confusion of team officials. Twins manager Ron Gardenhire helpfully explained....
Dick Vitale, Not Surprisingly, Can't Figure Out His Phone
It is perhaps not surprising that MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER Dick Vitale would have trouble using basic cellular technology, but it is surprising that Vitale might actually say something off-camera that could be construed as "controversial." Or, for that matter, that he would say anything; we always assum...
Aei! It's The Gyroball! Run For Your Lives!
What is the gyroball? New pitch from outer space? Nothing but the Japanese version of a slider? A type of hamster wheel that runs our servers? A pitch that's contractually obligated to be the subject of an in-depth piece on every major sports Web site? The answers are shrouded in mystery. But Texas ...
NBA Roundup: Love Shaq, He's Our Little Love Shaq
Notes from Sunday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Unbagged Heads Prevail
Will told you earlier in the week about the struggles of the East Carolina basketball team, and their fans' plan to show up at the final home game of the year with bags on their heads. As far as I can tell, last night against UTEP, there were no bags (I can find no mention of them)... and the ECU Pi...