il Page 858 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Roger Federer Could Never Get Bored Of This
A friend of mine pointed out that Mirka Federer, after attending her 30th Grand Slam final, still bothered to record the trophy ceremony for her husband—whose every offhand utterance, let alone metal-hoisting victory speech, is documented by a flickering panopticon of cameras and instantly cemented ...
Quiksilver CEO Pierre Agnes Is Missing At Sea
Pierre Agnes, the 54-year-old CEO of surfing company Quiksilver, has been declared missing at sea by French authorities, after his fishing boat washed ashore Tuesday without him inside....
Philly Columnist Puts Out Some Incomprehensible Shit About Aaron Hernandez And The Patriots
Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has been dead for nearly a year. He’s been out of the NFL since 2012, was put away for life in 2015, and realistically, the time to litigate Aaron Hernandez has long since passed. The Philadelphia Inquirer’s Bob Brookover disagrees....
Arsenal Are Having A Shockingly Great Transfer Deadline Day
Well, well, would you look at that. Ol’ Arsène had an ace up his sleeve after all, and Arsenal have locked in two players on this transfer deadline day who will give Gooners everywhere something to cheer for once and, even more importantly, some much needed hope....
Rays Fire Team Doctor After Accusation Of Sexual Abuse
The Rays have cut ties with team doctor Michael Reilly, who’s worked with the franchise since its 1998 inaugural season, after a former employee at his private practice accused him of sexual abuse that began when she was a teenager. ...
Three-Team Standoff Hopefully Will Not End With Arsenal's Dick Getting Shot Off
Famously star-crossed Premier League club Arsenal have already had a bad winter transfer window. Just last week the Gunners let Manchester United Debo them out of their best player, Alexis Sánchez, and the only thing that could even kind of almost halfway redeem them from that humiliating chump move...
Philly Cops Won’t Grease Poles For The Super Bowl Because It Didn’t Work Anyway
If the Eagles do the unthinkable and actually win the Super Bowl, Philadelphians will rush out onto the streets in celebration. If they want to climb some light poles to celebrate, they will be able to do so unencumbered: Philadelphia Police Commissioner Richard Ross announced today that the city wo...
Impossible Rescue Operation Saves Climber On "Killer Mountain"<em></em>
On Sunday, French mountain climber Elisabeth Revol was rescued by a team of Polish climbers on the slopes of a mountain in northern Pakistan and airlifted to a hospital in Islamabad. The rescue effort involved the Pakistani Army, an urgent crowdfunding campaign, diplomatic intervention, and the aban...
Man City Spend More Of Their Unlimited Money On Yet Another Wildly Expensive Defender
Manchester City are one of the biggest and most ambitious clubs in world soccer. In order to realize their silver-lined aspirations, they need lots and lots of money to invest in the team. Luckily for them, they have more money than god thanks to the backing of the Abu Dhabi royal family which owns ...
Milwaukee Police Reviewing Officers' Arrest, Tasing Of Sterling Brown; Will Release Body Camera Footage
Milwaukee police announced on Monday that Bucks rookie Sterling Brown will not face any charges after being arrested for resisting arrest last week....
Report: Eric Wood's Retirement Delayed Due To Bonus Money Dispute
Buffalo Bills center Eric Wood, who was diagnosed with a career-ending neck injury in his season-ending physical, gave a weird press conference this afternoon in which, instead of announcing his retirement as expected, he showed up nearly an hour late and gave just a two-minute statement without ans...
Baby Will Definitely Grow Up To Be Hoagie-Loving Adult
Philadelphia is already out of control with Super Bowl fever, and this baby is no exception. This kid has likely heard the word “Eagles” 10 million times over the last few weeks, so why wouldn’t his first word be “Eagles”? The only thing that’s surprising is that he didn’t say “Go Birds.”...
Sixers-Thunder Is Suddenly A Great NBA Rivalry
I doubt anyone had Sixers-Thunder pegged to become one of the spicier NBA rivalries headed into this season, but here we are, two games into the beef, with Russell Westbrook and Joel Embiid reaching new levels of petty....
Secret Military Installations Apparently Revealed By Snitch-Ass Fitness Tracking App<em></em>
The Washington Post has a story today headlined “U.S. soldiers are revealing sensitive and dangerous information by jogging,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like: U.S. soldiers are revealing sensitive and dangerous information by jogging. ...
Poor Valparaiso Freshman Dunked Out Of Existence
Say a prayer for Valparaiso freshman Mileek McMillan, for surely he will never be seen again on earth after what happened to him Saturday night:...
Roger Federer Wins Australian Open For 20th Slam Title
Old man Roger Federer beat sixth-seeded Marin Cilic 6-2, 6-7, 6-3, 3-6, 6-1 in the Men’s Singles final at the Australian Open, for his 20th career Grand Slam title. Per ESPN:...
Lou Williams Isn't An All-Star, But He Definitely Rules
It’s not every day that a bench player on a middling squad makes the news for not being selected to an All Star game, but here we are:...
DeMarcus Cousins To Miss Rest Of Season With Torn Achilles
The Pelicans will play the rest of the season without their star big man after DeMarcus Cousins tore his left Achilles tendon trying to rebound his own free throw miss with just ten seconds remaining in New Orleans’s game against Houston tonight....
Even Larry Nassar Does Not Deserve To Be Raped In Prison
Like many Americans, Jan Lastocy was watching the Larry Nassar sentencing hearing this week. She listened to Judge Rosemarie Aquilina....