il Page 916 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Striker Somehow Fails To Kick Ball Into Open Net From Point-Blank Range
You know what, rather than ridicule, Aberdeen striker Miles Storey deserves our sympathy. Yes, it’s never good to find a way not to score when you’re literally a foot away from an unguarded net, but the incoming cross was deflected, and it had to feel like shit to hear that sound the crowd made when...
Jeremy Hellickson Vows To Never Hit Another Triple
The designated hitter is a farce and an abomination, but it does keep your pitcher from getting all tuckered out after a jaunt around the basepaths. That’s what happened to Phillies starter Jeremy Hellickson on Monday, after a line drive to right field made him the first Phillies pitcher to hit a tr...
The Spurs Forced Overtime On A Beautifully Designed Inbounds Play
Down two against the Grizzlies with just 2.7 seconds remaining, you’d probably expect the Spurs to try and get the ball into Kawhi Leonard’s hands. That’s what the Grizzlies thought too, so when LaMarcus Aldridge screened Leonard’s man, Wayne Selden, his defender, Brandan Wright, went with Leonard t...
Asshole Kentucky Fans Are Still Harassing And Threatening Elite Eight Referee
It’s been 10 days now, and some Kentucky fans, when not shoveling out their overflowing diapers, are still making harassing phone calls to and trying to sink the business of longtime referee John Higgins....
Maybe Don't Tell Romelu Lukaku What To Do
Romelu Lukaku, the Premier League’s leading scorer and guy who is way too talented to be frittering his talents away on Everton, a mid-table club with no real shot at the Champions League, was fed up today during Everton’s 1-1 draw with Manchester United. ...
Magic Forced To Reassure Aaron Gordon Over Dumb, Embarrassing Whiteboard Trade Idea
What do you suppose Orlando Magic head coach Frank Vogel and, uh, star(?) forward Aaron Gordon talked about today, at their meeting—reported by the Orlando Sentinel’s Josh Robbins—about the sudden viral-photo-sparked rumor that the organization might be hoping to trade Gordon for Philadelphia 76ers ...
Tony Romo's Retirement Means The Texans Are Basically Fucked
Now that Tony Romo’s going to be Jim Nantz’s wingman, the real question left wafting in the air is this: What the hell are the Houston Texans going to do?...
Reports: Tony Romo Will Replace Phil Simms In CBS Broadcast Booth
Tony Romo, who will be released today by the Cowboys and reportedly retire, will join the CBS broadcasting booth and be paired with Jim Nantz as the network’s lead football analyst, reports John Ourand and Adam Schefter. Schefter adds that he might eventually broadcast golf for CBS as well....
Searching For The Lost <i>Mike And The Mad Dog</i> Tape, In Which They Allegedly Questioned Jews' Loyalties After 9/11
“Since September 12th, ADL offices in the tri-state area have been flooded with calls complaining about comments made by Mike and the Mad Dog show hosts Mike Francesa and Chris Russo. The complaints focus on the hosts suggesting the motive behind the World Trade Center attack is U.S. support for the...
Brewers Reliever Sent To Triple-A: I'd Rather Have "A 9-To-5 Job Where I Get Treated Like A Human"<em></em>
After six years in the Brewers’ minor-league system, Tyler Cravy made his debut in the big leagues in 2015. It didn’t go especially well, and neither did his return last year. But the 27-year-old clearly thought he was sticking around after a decently strong spring training, with a 2.03 ERA over 11 ...
Basketball Teen Zion Williamson Continues To Be Master Of The Dunk
You may remember 16-year-old Zion Williamson from this incredible dunk or this one. Here’s another one from this weekend, which happened during a pregame routine but is legitimately cool on its own merits: ...
This Bicycle Kick From Jong Tae-Se Is Just Gorgeous
Jong Tae-se scored the only goal for Shimizu S-Pulse of the J1 League in its 3-1 loss to Júbilo Iwata yesterday, but it sure was a beauty:...
Flyers Goalie Michal Neuvirth Taken Off Ice On Stretcher After Collapsing<em></em>
Emergency personnel took Michal Neuvirth off the ice on a stretcher after the Flyers goalie collapsed early in Philadelphia’s game against the Devils tonight....
Apparel Company Picks Stupid Fight With Law Firm Over Dumb Grayson Allen Tripping T-Shirt
Smack Apparel—the brilliant minds behind this t-shirt and others of its ilk—has decided to say some very dumb stuff to defend an equally dumb shirt about Grayson Allen’s tripping tendencies. ...
Tracy McGrady, Rebecca Lobo Selected To Basketball Hall Of Fame
The 2017 class of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame will include two-time scoring champion Tracy McGrady and UConn star Rebecca Lobo. ...
Oh, Look, More Disgusting Shit From The Loathsome Art Briles Apology Tour
Three weeks after former Baylor football coach Art Briles wrote the public a mewling letter promising that he’s really a stand-up guy, he’s continuing on his quest to repair his image and lock down a new coaching job. Briles was a guest speaker at yesterday’s Birmingham Football Coaching Clinic, say...
Judge Tells All "Potential Witnesses" In Larry Nassar Case To Shut Up
One day after several women testified before Congress about how disgraced former gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar sexually abused them, the judge overseeing one of the related criminal cases issued an order restricting what can be said. On Wednesday, Ingham County Circuit Court Judge Rosemarie Aquilin...
Canadian Skaters Thrive As Others Struggle At Figure Skating World Championships
Life in Canada is good. Not only do our neighbors to the north have access to runaway plows and ample supplies of maple syrup, but at this year’s world figure skating championships, their two female skaters claimed spots on the medal podium, placing second and third behind predicted winner Evgenia M...
International Duty Wiped Out Everton And Ronald Koeman Is Pissed Again
The FIFA virus has hit Everton hard, wreaking havoc on their expected lineup ahead of this weekend’s big rivalry game against Liverpool. If there’s one man who can’t stand this particular illness, and who has no compunction making his frustration perfectly clear to those he considers at fault, it’s ...
There Was No Escaping Ted Williams
This piece, originally published as “The World’s Richest Problem Child” in Newsweek, is featured in The John Lardner Reader: A Press Box Legend’s Classic Sportswriting, and appears here with permission from the author’s estate....