il Page 950 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Please Enjoy This Picture Of Two Women Drinking Tea With Their Lamb

This photo of English farmer Maud Lee and her daughter Pat enjoying tea with their lamb Betty in 1949 is good, and if you’re for any reason stressed today or tonight, it will probably be worth checking out....

The Election Is Done, By The Way

Here’s how this debate is going to go:...

Old Man Rich Hill Pitched A Gem Tonight

The Chicago Cubs came into the NLCS fresh off a dominant regular season and a soul-crushing defeat of the San Francisco Giants. Since a Game 1 win, they haven’t scored a run. Clayton Kershaw shut them out in Game 2, which is understandable since he’s Clayton Kershaw, but a much more unlikely hero bl...

Noah Droddy Has Been Called Majestic: That's Not The Half Of It

Nobody was taking Noah Droddy’s picture, which seemed strange considering the rail-thin runner’s recent rise to relative fame has been as much about his sensational (for the track world) ill brah appearance as his fast races, and the unlikely combo of the two. ...

It Was A Nice Day In New York Today

Earlier today, local news station NY1 stumbled upon a “mysterious” statue of a mostly naked Hillary Clinton “depicted with horse hooves, and standing on what appeared to be printouts of emails. The statue also featured a Wall Street banker pressed against her left breast.” So of course, some shit we...

Phil Kessel Endures The Penguins' Media Day

The Pittsburgh Penguins filmed winger Phil Kessel as he went through the responsibilities of the team’s media day, and it’s a delight. I especially related to the part where Kessel swore after being told that he had to participate in social media....

Curt Schilling, For What Feels Like The Hundredth Time, Says He's Going To Run For Senate

Curt Schilling, the elite meme curator and former MLB pitcher made famous by refusing to recognize when he didn’t have a leg to stand on, said that he is considering a run for the United States Senate in 2018. This is not a new claim from him....

I Can't Stop Watching These Two Soccer Dummies Flop At The Same Time

Never has an eskimo kiss caused so much imaginary pain....

Bill Belichick Is Sick Of Those Stupid Microsoft Tablets [Update]

Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who has never been one to embrace technology, has had it with Microsoft Surface tablets on NFL sidelines. He went on a surprisingly long-winded rant about the devices in today’s presser, where he essentially said that the tablets suck ass and he’s not using them ...

Cleveland Didn't Even Need A Starter Last Night<em></em>

Losing your starting pitcher two outs into a playoff game is supposed to be a nightmare for any manager, but all it meant for Terry Francona last night was that he got to put the game into the hands of a bullpen that has yet to fail him....

May Your Own Retirement Be So Peaceful

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<i>Rolling Stone</i> Deletes Article About Derrick Rose's Rape Trial And Adam Silver (UPDATE)

Rolling Stone deleted an article titled “Why Derrick Rose Rape Trial May Wreck NBA Commissioner Adam Silver’s Legacy” late last week without any notice, The Politico reports. According to their story, the NBA had multiple complaints about the article:...

Please Stay The Fuck Out Of This, Canada

As much of a nightmare as this election season has been, we were at least able to take solace in the fact that we, as a nation, could sink no lower. But even that’s no longer true. Because now, Canada thinks they’re better than us. These are truly our darkest days....

WikiLeaks Emails Show Clinton Aides Cowering In Fear Of Seeming To Care About The Poor

Here is a remarkable bit from the recently WikiLeaked emails of John Podesta, chairman of Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. If it doesn’t quite reveal some nefarious master plan for technoligarch world domination, it at least provides an opportunity to goggle at some extremely dumb campaign s...

Dog Attends Hockey Game

Who Was Really Expecting Colin Kaepernick To Talk About Football?

The San Francisco 49ers got absolutely stomped by the Buffalo Bills Sunday afternoon, allowing three touchdowns in the fourth quarter for a final score of 45-16, sending the hapless 49ers home with a 1-5 record. No one outside of Buffalo really cared about that, though....

How Everyone Still Watching Colts-Texans Feels

Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter!...

Bears Fan And Jaguars Fans Fight To Defend The Honor Of Their Terrible Teams

A Bears fan has no ground to start talking shit, especially right after losing at home to the Jaguars. He should especially avoid repeatedly yelling “Go fuck yourself” to any Jaguars fans that he sees....

Bills Fan Drinks Booze Out Of Butt

A man in a LeSean McCoy jersey drank some alcohol through a pair of buttcheeks at today’s tailgate. Who needs an ice luge when you can use a butt luge?...

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Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter!...