il Page 989 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ice-Cold Coutinho Skates By Defense, Daggers Manchester United With A Sweet Chip
Here is Liverpool’s Philippe Coutinho easing down the Manchester United flank, floating into the box, then coolly flipping the ball over keeper David De Gea with about as much difficulty and exertion as you or I would jog out to the grocery store to pick up a carton of chocolate milk:...
Congratulations To Grayson Allen, Ted Cruz, And Colin Mochrie On Their Win Over UNC-Wilmington
It took some effort, but the Duke Blue Devils dispatched UNC-Wilmington in the first of today’s 16 NCAA tournament games. Grayson Allen, Ted Cruz, and Colin Mochrie await their next-round opponent....
Only Bill Simmons Is Allowed To Say Boston Might Want Kevin Durant
Hot sports-media beefing action today, as ESPN used the occasion of tonight’s game between the Thunder and the hosting Boston Celtics to note, on SportsCenter and in an article by Chris Forsberg, that the Boston Celtics probably would like to have 27-year-old four-time scoring champ, five-time All-N...
Adam LaRoche Retired Because The White Sox Wouldn't Let His Kid Hang Out In The Clubhouse Every Day
On Tuesday, Chicago White Sox first baseman Adam LaRoche announced, much to the relief of White Sox fans, that he would retire from baseball. It now appears that his decision was related less to his inability to hit at a major league level or to injuries than to his 14-year-old son, Drake. According...
Here's What Happens When A Pro Wrestler Gets Injured And The Ref Doesn't Notice
WWE up-and-comer Neville suffered what looks to be a knee or ankle injury during his bout against Chris Jericho last night on Raw. That’s bad enough news for fans of “The Man That Gravity Forgot,” but the match continued after in-ring referee Charles Robinson didn’t notice the injury—and failed to c...
NFL Official Admits For First Time There Is "Certainly" A Link Between Football And CTE
A top NFL official acknowledged for the first time a link between playing football and suffering from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), responding, “the answer to that question is certainly yes” when asked if there is a link. It’s akin to tobacco companies finally admitting that nicotine is ad...
Fancy Toothpicks Are My Cleanest Vice
The summer I was nine, I learned how to brush my teeth with a twig. My grandpa handed me a small piece broken off what’s called a neem tree, and told me to chew on it. I was hit by a very vegetal bitterness, the kind that puckers your mouth by sheer force of personality, crowding out all the other f...
The Rejected Names For Bill Simmons's New Site
The Ringer, Bill Simmons’s new venture, released its first newsletter today. The introduction featured an explanation for how the staff decided upon “The Ringer,” as well as a list of all the curve-related names....
Drink Up Fuckers
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Dead Letters: Steph Curry Is A "Garbage Human Being" Edition
This morning, we brought you Steph Curry’s turnaround thunderbolt against the Phoenix Suns. It was a great shot, but according to this reader who emailed me 20 minutes after our article was published, it was actually extremely problematic and we should stop covering him. Also, I am like 90 percent s...
Lawsuit Claims New York Giants Went To Hilarious Lengths To Make A Michael Strahan Jersey Appear Game-Worn
This is a weird one. Michael Strahan’s last NFL game was in 2008, when his Giants upset the 18-0 New England Patriots to win Super Bowl XLII. He had a sack and a pair of tackles in that game and left a 15-year NFL career for a very successful second act as a television host....
Lies, Corruption And Cronyism: It's Called Thursday And Friday At The IAAF
Forty-eight hours of the most idiotic, baldface lies and studiously overlooked corruption spread around amongst smirking, backslapping insiders in a posh setting—the IAAF calls that Thursday and Friday. ...
Jose Bautista And The Phillie Phanatic Have A Fitness Contest
I don’t what baseball’s unwritten rules say or don’t say about challenging mascots to handstand contests, but I’d like to believe they’re encouraged....
Report: Illinois Basketball Player Jaylon Tate Arrested For Punching His Girlfriend In The Face
Illinois basketball’s bad season ended yesterday with a blowout loss to Purdue in the Big Ten tournament. Shortly after the team returned to Champaign from Indianapolis, junior point guard Jaylon Tate was arrested for domestic battery and to the Champaign County Jail. Per court records, he was booke...
High School Basketball Player Hits A Buzzer-Beater From Goddamn Neptune
Prepare for the fourth of the approximately one million buzzer-beaters that will happen this weekend....
Jahlil Okafor To Undergo Meniscus Surgery, Miss At Least Six Weeks
Philadelphia 76ers rookie big man Jahlil Okafor will undergo a “minor” surgery on his meniscus and miss at least six weeks, the team announced Friday, effectively ending his season. ...
Russell Wilson: She Said Yes (To Eventually Fucking)
Seahawks quarterback and outspoken non-fucker Russell Wilson is one step closer to fucking. He posted a video showing an ecstatic Ciara reacting to his proposal. Congratulations to the couple that will someday have sex....
Man Argues That He Should Be Able To Out Himself As Oilers Fan On Driver's License
Alberta man Ken Egilsson wanted to wear his Edmonton Oilers cap for his photo when he renewed his driver’s license. The registry office asked him to take it off. Egilsson declined. Now, he claims it’s part of his religious garb....
The Beat Generation Starter Kit
The Beats were the Nirvana of their generation: individualistic, drug-addled, and, unfortunately, sometimes held responsible for the Nickelbacks created in their wake. Beats begat beatniks, those beret-wearing, saxophone-loving hipsters who morphed into gross ’60s hippies. And now this loose collect...