il Page 998 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Three NHL Games, Two NBA Games Postponed By East Coast Blizzard
How are you planning on spending this snowbound evening? Hopefully you weren’t planning on watching the Wizards, Sixers (you definitely weren’t), or the Islanders play tonight. The NHL has postponed today’s Islanders—Flyers game as well as tomorrow’s Capitals—Penguins game. The Capitals game yesterd...
DraftKings Bans Automated Scripts, May Have Trouble Actually Doing So
Daily fantasy operator DraftKings has banned “the use of scripts and other automated means of interacting with our site,” as they put it in an email to players today. Instead, DraftKings now offers to all players a tool that allows them to set multiple lineups at once....
Macklemore's Problem Is That Macklemore Is Bad
Last night, white rapping man Macklemore released a song called “White Privilege II.” The song, which is accompanied by a website, is earnest and ostensibly aims to acknowledge and condemn the very white privilege from which Macklemore profits. It is a bad song. To examine how we got to this point, ...
Cop Responds To Noise Complaint Of Kids Playing Basketball By Lowering Rim And Dunking On Them
Some no-fun-haver called in a noise complaint against these kids in Gainesville, Fl. for having the audacity—the nerve—to play basketball loudly in what appears to be the damn woods, or somewhere close to the woods anyway....
Matt Hendricks Stops Slapshot With His Dick And Balls
This here’s Matt Hendricks and he’s making that there face because he took a hockey puck to the Johnson while defending against a Howitzer of a slap shot. ...
Grizzlies Fan Becomes Victim Of Apocalyptic Silly String Ambush
The Grizzlies shot 80% on the Nuggets in the first quarter but Rocky and his Nuggets fan cohorts shot 100% on silly string ambushes for the night....
Can You Identify The "Celebrities" Who Will Be Coaching The NHL All-Star Game?
The NHL added a little wrinkle to its (very cool!) new All-Star Game structure. The four 3-on-3 squads representing each division will be coached by an actual NHL coach (Gerard Gallant, Lindy Ruff, Darryl Sutter, and Barry Trotz) as well as, uh, well, hmm, one of ... these guys above here?...
Cliff "Uncle Spliffy" Robinson Is Opening A Weed Store In Portland
Oregon recently legalized weed, and the first stores catering to recreational users opened last October. You have to be 21 or older to buy, and they’re a tad restrictive on how much you can buy at one time, but it’s a rather relaxed experience. In Portland, you can get a pre-roll of decent quantity ...
Gregg Popovich Loves Photos
While the Spurs were in New York for a Jan. 11 game against the Nets, coach Gregg Popovich apparently nabbed a ticket to Hamilton. Another audience member got the evidence by taking a photo with Popovich, who looked absolutely delighted in his beatnik sweater....
Radio Dummy On Female NFL Coach: "There's No Place For A Woman In Professional Sports, In Football, Coaching Men"
Cleveland sports radio host Kevin Kiley clearly has a problem with women. Last year, he shared some extremely dumb thoughts about the NFL’s first female referee, saying that the NFL was the “wrong place to put a woman.” He has very similar thoughts on the Bills’ decision to hire Kathryn Smith as a f...
Bills Hire NFL's First Full-Time Female Coach
The Buffalo Bills named Kathryn Smith a quality control-special teams coach Wednesday, making her the NFL’s first full-time female coach. Smith joined the Bills in 2015 as the administrative assistant to new head coach Rex Ryan; previously she had spent 12 seasons with the Jets....
Time Inc. Is In The Midst Of A Replyallpocalypse
There is almost never a good reason to hit “reply all.” Especially not when “all” includes a listserv that goes out to thousands of employees at Time Inc., the country’s largest magazine publisher....
Jo-Wilfried Tsonga Stops Play To Assist Injured Ball Girl
A lovely little moment at the Australian Open today—lovely for everyone except the ball girl who got whacked in the face with a ball and had to be helped off the court....
Texas Attorney General Declares Daily Fantasy Illegal Gambling, And The End Is Nigh
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton issued an opinion today that daily fantasy sports constitutes illegal gambling under Texas law. “It is prohibited gambling in Texas if you bet on the performance of a participant in a sporting event and the house takes a cut,” he said in a statement. “Paid daily ‘fa...
Philly Radio Dipshit Calls Jason Kelce A "House Negro"
Sports radio is full of terrible morons who use their short tempers to draw out a two-minute topic into a 10-minute segment. (Examples can be found here, here, here, and here.) The only acceptable sports radio is Mike Francesa taking 40 minutes to name all the stops on the 7 train, and presumably th...
New Eagles Coach Doug Pederson Immediately Grilled About Chiefs' Lethargic Offense In Playoffs
The Eagles held an introductory press conference today for newly hired head coach Doug Pederson, and the former Chiefs offensive coordinator mentioned that he called the plays on Kansas City’s 16-play, clock-bleeding drive against the Patriots on Saturday which left them with little time to attempt ...
How Wile E. Coyote Explains The World
A joke has structure. It has a central rule. Setup, punchline. The setup produces a tensed, expectant state; the punchline resolves the tension with a surprise. If the elements of the joke are not arranged into a setup and a punchline, it is not a joke. It is just a statement....
Life As A Cleveland Sports Fan
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Where Are They Going? Why Are They Running?
Syracuse beat Duke tonight in Durham, giving the Blue Devils its first three-game losing streak against unranked teams since the 1960s. As soon as the final buzzer sounded, these young men went running. Who are they? Why are they in such a hurry? We have so many questions....
Knicks Win In Double-OT After Carmelo Anthony Hits Tying Three At End Of Regulation
What could possibly get the whole Internet talking about a January afternoon Sixers-Knicks game? The combination of Martin Luther King Jr. Day and a free League Pass preview. Just when we were ready to rub a Sixers win in the face of our New York-based co-workers, ‘Melo had to pull this rabbit out o...