ill Page 463 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chase Utley's Return To Philadelphia Was Perfect
The Philadelphia Phillies traded Chase Utley to the Dodgers almost exactly one year ago. Utley spent 12 seasons in Philly, winning a World Series ring and making the All-Star team six times. He is nearly as synonymous with the Phillies as Jimmy Rollins, and he played his first game in Philly as a vi...
Rams Defensive End William Hayes Believes Mermaids Are Real, Dinosaurs Are Not
The Los Angeles Rams are this year’s subject of Hard Knocks, with the angle of showing how a team adjusts from moving from Missouri to glamorous Los Angeles. Additionally, the show has revealed how many players appear to shun basic science....
You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy Elder
Via the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a bunch of weak, pampered diaper babies with butter-soft hands and that your puny muscles are no match for my hardened, callused Gen-X gripping power. I am paraphrasing, here. The Journa...
Did Shaunae Miller's Dive Actually Help?
You look at a photo like that one above, and without any other context, you probably assume the woman on the ground isn’t precisely where she wants to be. But Shaunae Miller’s lean/lunge/flop/dive got her across the finish line seven hundredths of a second ahead of Allyson Felix, and maybe, just may...
Thiago Da Silva Sets Olympic Pole Vault Record, Dethrones Frenchman
Renaud Lavillenie entered tonight’s pole vault final as the reigning Olympic champion and world record holder. He finished it as a silver medalist, thanks to Brazilian Thiago da Silva setting a new Olympic record of 6.03m in a wild night that featured a lengthy rain delay and malfunctioning equipmen...
Shaunae Miller Beats Allyson Felix In The 400m Final With A Last-Gasp Dive Across The Line
Allyson Felix lost the 400-meter final by just seven agonizing hundredths of a second, after Bahamanian runner Shaunae Miller dove right at the finish line to hold off Felix’s charge from behind. The 30-year-old Felix came into the final stretch well behind Miller, but managed to almost run her down...
The Time I Got Fired By The Philadelphia Phillies
I grew up just outside of Philadelphia, the kind of rabid Phillies fan who had a life-size Pat Burrell poster on wall of the bedroom that my sister and I shared for so many years that we ended up telling two-dimensional Pat all our deepest secrets. I have also spent a not especially impressive but p...
<i>SI</i>'s Peter King: I Like To Eat Diarrhea, It's Good, Mmm, Gimme That Hot Diarrhea With Onions
Here is Peter King, a face drawn on the side of Roger Goodell’s hand, telling you two ways that he likes to eat diarrhea. He likes to eat diarrhea on top of spaghetti with onions and cheese, and he likes to eat diarrhea on a hot dog, also with onions, but with no mustard....
Wichita State Basketball Coach Gregg Marshall Flips The Hell Out During Exhibition Game
The Wichita State Shockers played an exhibition game against McGill University in Montreal yesterday, a meaningless game that was supposed to be played at half-speed and produce zero headlines. Neither of those things happened....
Philippine Senator And Bad Person Manny Pacquiao Wants To Execute Drug Dealers
Manny Pacquiao’s boxing career is ostensibly finished, which means he has more time to spend fulfilling his duties as an elected senator in his home country of the Philippines. This is bad news for Philippine citizens, because it’s never good when a nutjob holds a political office....
Fuck Yeah, Lilly King<em></em>
I’ll never understand how Olympic athletes are able to deal with the pressure. They spend four years training and fighting to qualify for the big show, and then all that work can come down to a few minutes. All it takes is one mistake—a slow start, a slight hitch in technique—for all those years of ...
Lilly King Says All Former Dopers, Including Justin Gatlin, Should Be Banned From The Olympics
American swimmer Lilly King won the gold medal in the 100 meter breaststroke this evening with an Olympic record-time of 1:04:93, beating Russian Yulia Efimova and putting a cap on the most entertaining rivalry of the Rio Olympics. Efimova was implicated in the massive Russian doping scandal that sa...
Olympic Officials Apologize For Using Knock-Off Chinese Flags In Medal Ceremony
After Ginny Thrasher won the first gold medal of the Rio Olympics over Du Li and Yi Siling of China, Olympic officials raised incorrect Chinese flags to the rafter during the medal ceremony. See those flags up there? Notice any differences between them and the real Chinese flag below? ...
Hell Yeah, We've Got An Olympic Swimmer Beef
Last night was a great one for American swimmers. Michael Phelps put the team on his back and brought the 4 x 100 relay gold back to America, Katie Ledecky continued her run of record-setting performances, and Lilly King showed us that she is a real one....
Williams Sisters Lose Olympic Women's Doubles Match For First Time In History
The Williams sisters have been playing as doubles partners at the Olympics since 2000, and had never lost a match together—until today, when they were eliminated in the first round in Rio by the Czech team of Lucie Safarova and Barbora Strycova 6-3, 6-4....
DeAngelo Williams' Teammates Pranked Him With A Bunch Of Dang Balloons
I wish someone would prank me like this....
I'm Inspired By This Popcorn Vendor
Innovation is real and strong and it’s my friend....
So It Looks Like Barcelona Will Be Pretty Good This Season
Yes, it’s just a friendly against Premier League champions (still insane to say that) Leicester City. But despite playing only three players from what will be Barcelona’s best line-up when the season kicks off for real, the Spanish squad is showing that they are in fact still incredible. In case the...