ill Page 497 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brian Matusz Receives 8-Game Suspension For "Foreign Substance"
Orioles pitcher Brian Matusz will be suspended eight games after pitching with a “foreign substance” on his arm during Baltimore’s game against the Marlins on Saturday. The MLB announced the suspension Monday, and Matusz is expected to appeal. ...
If You Grill All These Foods On Memorial Day, The Planets Will Align
Cold fusion. Mars colonization. A cure for cancer. Peace on earth. Cute li’l goals, I guess, if you’re looking for a self-esteem boost. ...
Report: Buffalo, Washington, And Houston Are Potential <i>Hard Knocks</i> Teams
Thanks to new rules instituted after HBO and the NFL had difficulty finding a team to appear on Hard Knocks, the league can now force teams to take part if they meet certain criteria. Nine teams fit the bill: The Browns, Redskins, Giants, Buccaneers, Vikings, Texans, Rams, Titans, and Jaguars. Most ...
Will Smith Ejected For "Foreign Substance"
Brewers pitcher Will Smith earned an ejection tonight from crew chief Jim Joyce after Braves skipper Fredi Gonzalez raised an objection over the existence of a foreign substance on Smith’s wrist....
Bryce Harper Ejected, But Nobody Knows Why
Bryce Harper was tossed from tonight’s game against the Yankees for ... well it isn’t exactly sure what he was tossed for. Home plate umpire Marvin Hudson made a (bad) strike call that Harper disagreed with, and he said a few words before digging in for the next pitch. But then manager Matt Williams...
ESPN's New Hire Says Global-Warming Fears Are "Intellectually Dishonest"
ESPN is a sports media conglomerate that largely, intentionally operates under the conceit that sports exist within a vacuum, untouched by the outside world except for instances in which the outside world intrudes on the sports universe. It’s a fallacious conceit, but it has some unintended positive...
Phillies Catcher Accidentally Pegs Pitcher In Throat
Thank the capabilities of slow-mo these days, because just seconds after Phillies catcher Cameron Rupp flung a ball right into pitcher Sean O’Sullivan’s throat, the broadcast immediately showed two exceptional angles of “Man Getting Hit By Baseball.”...
Phillies Fan Rips Home Run Ball Away From Old Lady
We’ve been over the ethics of who deserves baseballs that make their way off the field of play before (consult this flowchart) and so we feel it necessary to illustrate this incident from yesterday’s Diamondbacks-Phillies game, in which a Phillyfan pushes aside an elderly woman to grab Maikel Franco...
Audiovisual Medium Airs Kanye Performance You Couldn't Hear Or See
Today in dumb things on TV: Kanye West’s Billboard Music Awards performance, in which the pyrotechnics rendered nothing visible and censorship rendered nothing audible....
Gennady Golovkin Pounds Willie Monroe Jr., Wins By Sixth-Round TKO
Scariest Man Alive Gennady Golovkin extended his undefeated record to 33-0 with a TKO of Willie Monroe Jr. in a bout that continues the legend of the Kazakh middleweight. Some analysts expected a more competitive fight, given Monroe’s 19-1 record and that Golovkin’s last fight, against Martin Murray...
How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do
There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin itself, when cooked well, is life-changingly delicious; whole fish stands up better to grilling heat than a fillet or fish steak will; whole fish usually costs less by weight than the...
Bill Simmons's Goodbye Email: "I Am Done Being Involved With Grantland"
Since being fired by ESPN, Bill Simmons has sent multiple goodbye emails to members of the Grantland staff. Here is a portion of one of them:...
Report: Bill Simmons Won't Be Appearing On Any ESPN Platforms
When ESPN president John Skipper announced that he would not be renewing Bill Simmons’s contract last week—four months ahead of his current contract’s expiration date—a lot of people were left wondering how Simmons would spend his last few months as a lame-duck employee. According to Sports Illustra...
William Delivers Equalizer With Long-Range <i>Golazo</i>
The Liga MX playoffs are underway, and tonight’s quarterfinal leg between Querétaro and Veracruz cranked up in the 38th minute as Brazilian midfielder William let fly a long-range strike—set up by the legend, Ronaldinho—that evened the score and fired up the Corregidora....
<i>Mad Max: Fury Road </i>Is Glorious, Thrilling, Overwhelming Lunacy
1. I quit smoking more than four years ago, but nothing—not a night full of drinks, not a table full of smokers, not a gasoline IV—has made me want a cigarette more than Mad Max: Fury Road did. You leave the theater still shaking, everything still pumping and throbbing, a treadmill stopping on a dim...
Preeminent Shaq Critic Kobe Bryant Chastises Media For Criticizing Shaq
Kobe Bryant has been feisty on Twitter lately, first deploying a meme in defense of Russell Westbrook, and now chastising the NBA media for building false narratives: ...
Lawrence Phillips Named A Suspect In The Death Of His Cellmate
The California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation released a statement today naming former Nebraska and St. Louis Rams (and Dolphins and 49ers) running back Lawrence Phillips a suspect in the death of his cellmate at Kern Valley State Prison over the weekend. From the statement:...
Dipshit Mets Fan Throws Beer At Grady Sizemore
Here’s a dipshit Mets fan spending $12 in a futile attempt to disrupt Phillies right fielder Grady Sizemore from fielding a ball in the fourth inning at Citi Field today. Stop wasting beer, dipshit!...