ill Page 502 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Belichick Eats Like A Gremlin
What the hell—is that steak juice? Barbecue sauce? What are you licking that can't go to waste, Bill? He's so content with himself, too....
Reports: Chris Bosh In Hospital Undergoing Lung Tests
Miami Heat star Chris Bosh was hospitalized for testing on his lungs Thursday, according to the Miami Herald. Joseph Goodman reports that Bosh was sick when he went to practice Wednesday, and Heat trainers sent him to see a doctor. A Heat spokesperson said that tests so far were inconclusive. ...
CNN's Don Lemon Says "Bullshit" On-Air, Offers Ridiculous Apology
Human moron and CNN personality Don Lemon has a lot to atone for, but his use of "bullshit" on-air tonight while talking to Reliable Sources host Brian Stelter isn't one of them. That didn't stop the drooling idiot from profusely apologizing for saying the word—he was quoting Bill O'Reilly, anyway—o...
At Long Last The 76ers Accept That, Yes, It's Finally Time To Rebuild
You can imagine the bittersweet mixture of sadness, gratitude, and relief 76ers fans must be feeling this evening. Today, in a flurry of moves executed just before the NBA's annual trading deadline, general manager and president of basketball operations Sam Hinkie finally pulled the plug on a belove...
Alabama News Station Reports That Water Freezes When It's Cold
Okay, yes, this is an incredibly silly thing to base a news report on, but please try to remember that these people live in Huntsville, Ala., where the current temperature being 20 degrees is probably making a lot of residents feel like they have been transported to some strange ice planet. It's a c...
These Beards Ought To Be Feared
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Norm Macdonald: Eddie Murphy Was To Be Cosby In <i>Celebrity Jeopardy!</i>
Norm Macdonald turned storyteller on Twitter tonight, sharing his experience of being involved with Sunday's Saturday Night Live 40th-anniversary episode and revealing that "Celebrity Jeopardy!" sketch writers originally called for Eddie Murphy to play Bill Cosby—but that the Norbit star begged ...
Jay Williams Misremembers Playing Duke-UNC Game Against Vince Carter
Jay Williams attempted to explain the experience of playing in a Duke-UNC rivalry game to ESPN's audience tonight, though in his attempt to name-drop some of the Tar Heels players he faced as a member of the Blue Devils, he mentioned Vince Carter—a player who was already in the NBA by the time Willi...
New Tricks From An Old Virginia Brewer
By now, everyone has figured out that February is the longest month of the year. The Man had a nice little run of fooling us with his calendar games, but we don't fall for those cheap math tricks anymore; we're all well aware that the 28 days of February are each at least 50 hours long....
The Yankees Will Sell Their Past Until There's Nothing Left Of It
The Yankees announced yesterday that they will retire the numbers of Andy Pettitte, Jorge Posada, and Bernie Williams, and that all three—along with Willie Randolph—will receive plaques in Monument Park in four different ceremonies spread across the season. No American sports team has made such an...
Lacrosse Player Taken Down By Series Of Uppercuts
Damn, the guy with the ponytail really wanted to scrap here, didn't he? Bill O'Brien (what a great Irish Catholic-sounding enforcer name) runs after the Rochester player, rips off his helmet, pummels the shit out of him with a series of uppercuts, and still tries to fight after he gets knocked to ...
<i>Last Week Tonight</i> Clowns The Increasingly Desperate <i>SI</i> Swimsuit Issue
Last night's episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver featured a segment which addressed a question that everyone who is not a 56-year-old dad who still masturbates to magazines in the bathroom has asked: How is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue still a thing?...
Reggie Miller Is A Damned Moron, Part #72
It continues to astonish us how Turner—a company that gets nearly every aspect of NBA broadcasting perfect—continues to trot out known idiot Reggie Miller as its lead analyst. Reggie's lack of basic basketball knowledge emerged again tonight:...
Two Georgetown Grads Swap Pickup Lines
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<i>Bring It On</i> Comes To Life In Minnesota High School Dance Scandal
Officials disqualified five Minnesota high school dance teams after their symbolic protest at the state finals over a rival team's alleged plagiarized championship routine in what was basically the exact plot from the classic and very great high school cheerleading movie, Bring It On....
Seton Hall's Men's Basketball Team Has A Lot Going On Right Now
Sophomore starting guard Jaren Sina abruptly left the Seton Hall men's basketball team Wednesday, and his decision reportedly stems from locker-room tumult....
Brian Shaw Just Can't Relate To These Darn Kids
Last week Brian Shaw said that he suspected his players were trying to lose games on purpose. Ever industrious, Shaw refuses to consider this season or his players lost. Instead, as Rachel Nichols described during the first quarter of tonight's games against the Lakers, he's ... reading books on h...