ill Page 648 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

A Mink Stole Is Full-Length On Nate Robinson
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Rick Reilly Takes It To The Hole
Not even joking: we enjoyed Reilly's work here. Of course, it's not writing, but rather destroying his Pop-A-Shot machine with a thunderous dunk. [ESPN.com, h/t JobuNeedsARefill]...

Last Night's Winner: Ozzie Guillen's Son Puts Bobby Jenks On Blast
After Jenks criticized Guillen's handling of his bullpen, Oney Guillen gave a measured response: accusing Jenks of alcoholism, marital problems and punching a clubhouse attendant....

10 Extremely Biblical-Looking Footballers
Of course, most of the nation will spend the weekend embroiled in sprouts, drinking heavily, and most definitely not sitting down to rewatch Mel Gibson's incredibly inaccurate and rather over-the-top remake of The Life of Brian....

Two Fans Hit Half-Court Shots For Money At Same Game
Villanova has a promotion where two lucky fans are chosen to try to hit a layup, free throw, three-pointer and half-court basket within 25 seconds. No one had ever won, until one day, both fans did. They received the worst prize ever....

Your NFL Late Games Open Thread
The NY Jets play Pittsburgh today. Even Franco Harris will be rooting for Rex Ryan after watching the infuriatingly horrendous attempt at humor below, brought to you by the fine people at the Eagle Tribune....

Your Saturday College Football Bowls Open Thread
Three bowl games today....

Telestrator Dong Breaks Out On The Odd-Dong Rush
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Jayson Werth Wants To Kick Phillies Fans Out Of Nationals Park
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the Nats' big prize on his old fanbase's DC pilgrimages....
![Merry [Bleep]ing Christmas From Ozzie Guillen](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Merry [Bleep]ing Christmas From Ozzie Guillen
What could be better than the quirky White Sox manager under your tree Christmas morning? This foulmouthed outtake reel, wherein Ozzie tries to sell you his nipples, or something....

Bill Simmons And Tawwmy From Quinzee, Together At Last
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Everyone At Real Madrid Hates Cristiano Ronaldo
The next few times Cristiano Ronaldo scores a goal and starts doing his "I'm great, me!" celebration shtick, look closely. What's wrong with the picture? Oh yeah, that's it....

How Low Can Joe Paterno Go? What Coaches Do When They Hang Out
Former Texas A&M Coach R.C. Slocum seems like a stand-up guy. That's why we think he won't mind us highlighting some of his favorite photos through the years, as posted on his Facebook page....

Terrence Williams Is Going To Miss The Queens Strip Clubs
Now's an excellent time to call attention to these photos of Williams (red cap) making it rain (with Ron Artest!) at Perfection Gentlemen's Club. Too bad there aren't women who take their clothes off for money in Houston. [What's Poppin, h/t BSnO]...

FreeDarko Also Scrubbed From Bill Simmons's Book
It seems Charlie Pierce wasn't the only critic to get thrown out of the Sports Fella's book. Or maybe there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this that has nothing whatsoever to do with this? [FreeDarko]...

Last Night's Winner: The Mystery Team
For 35 years, as long as free agency has existed in Major League Baseball, the Mystery Team has made a run at every single available player. But they'd never actually signed one until last night....

Cliff Lee Is Going Back To Philly
Cliff Lee has reportedly turned down both the Yankees and the Rangers and will once again play for the Philadelphia Phillies next season. Lee, Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, and Cole Hamels: it will be quite the starting rotation. [Jon Heyman's Twitter]...

Charles P. Pierce Responds To Bill Simmons's Response To Charles P. Pierce's Response To Bill Simmons's Book
First came this. Then came Simmons's tweet. And now here's Pierce: "And right back at you, you mendacious, whiny little thin-skinned bag of breeze, you. I've been thrown out of better joints than your bibliography." Yeah, Pierce wins. [Boston.com]...

Deadspin Classic: Bill Simmons Is Not The Cosmos (<em>The Book Of Basketball</em> Reviewed)
The paperback edition of Bill Simmons's Book of Basketball is now in stores, and reader Patrick Sauer points out one notable tweak to this version: Charles P. Pierce's name no longer appears anywhere in the text. You don't suppose it has anything to do with Pierce's review of the book, do you?...

Even Back Hair Performance Art Couldn't Save Appalachian State Football
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....