ill Page 668 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Lionel Hollins Would Like To Give A Hand. A Terrifying, Terrifying Hand.
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Facial Hair Most Pressing Issue In NL Champs Camp
Jayson Werth's beard has been the talk of Phillies spring training. Because this is clearly more important than a lack of a bullpen, there's already an official site for photoshops. [Jayson Werth Beards]...

NBC To West Coast Hockey Fans: "Kiss Our Moose!"
Ready for some fresh NBC outrage? Just wait until tomorrow, when Oregon discovers that the broadcast for USA Hockey's quarterfinal doesn't start until three hours after the actual game does. I understand hockey really comes to life on the radio....

Here's John Daly In His Underwear, Because I Hate You
Might Daly have a post-golf career as an underwear model lined up? One thing's for certain: Daly had better have a post-golf career lined up....

The One With The Naked Danish Curling Lady
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Last Night's Winner: British Skeletoners
In sports, everyone is a winner- some people just win better than others. Like Amy Williams, whose gold in skeleton summarily refuted two British stereotypes - that they suck at the Winter Olympics, and that they don't have purty teeth....

Less Work For Medevac Pilots In Vancouver
They're shortening the women's downhill course to reduce speeds, and minimizing a tricky portion near the end. And no one even had to die! Progress, people, progress. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]...

StarCaps Case Takes Heller-esque Turn
A judge says that for Kevin and Pat Williams's cases to proceed, they have to prove they are employed by the NFL, while the league maintains they are solely Vikings employees. Does Deadspin LLP care to weigh in? [Star Tribune]...

Comcast Goes From Inane To Inaccurate
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

This Moment In Things NBC Will Later Pretend You Didn't Already Know: Lindsey Vonn Wins Gold
Vonn took the Jarlsberg off her injured shin long enough to claim gold in women's downhill. Teammate Julia Mancuso finished second. (But shhhh, don't tell anyone.) [Reuters]...

Predictably, Bill Plaschke Has Something Stupid To Say About Lindsey Jacobellis
Well, this was probably the most inevitable column of the Olympics: Bill Plaschke, harshing Lindsey Jacobellis's mellow....

US Hockey Team Denied Inspiration From '80s Beer Slogan
Because the Olympics just can't handle the in-your-face raditude of America, fuck yeah, they're forcing Ryan Miller and Jonathan Quick to cover up parts of their masks, before the blow the minds of the staid people of Vancouver....

Rick Reilly® Escalates Personal War With Canada
The Rickster apologies for his lame anti-Canuck jokes by crafting even more lame anti-Canuck jokes and sneaking in a brag about the vindaloo-like qualities of his smoking hot wife. Wait until he hears about the electric Zambonis. [ESPN]...

Afternoon Olympic Update: Worst Olympics Ever
It's Day 4 and I'm ready to call it. This Olympics sucks....

Shaq, Dwight Howard Resolve Nerdiest Beef Ever
Howard: "[T]here's no battle of nicknames. I mean, if he wants to be Superman, he can be Superman. But I never tried to steal that title from him or take away anything that he's done for the game." [ESPN]...

Peter King Is Already Manufacturing Dumb Storylines For the 2010 Season
"The logical question for the Saints: Is all this celebrating and spate of parades ... going to go on so long that they affect the Saints' ability to repeat in 2010?" That question leads the league in stupid. [SI.com]...

No, The Sports Fella Did Not Hope For A Dead Georgian Luger
Thanks to the eighty of you who drew our attention to Bill Simmons retro Winter Olympics column, and his hankering for luge accidents. You can stop now....

Bill Plaschke, Master Of Finding Controversy Where None Exists
Plaschke's manufactured outrage of the day: "there was no makeshift memorial of flowers or cards, there was no visible memory" of Nodar Kumaritashvili. The photo that runs with the story? A makeshift memorial of flowers and cards. [MSTI]...

Stories That Don't Suck: Death On The Track, Ebert's Silence, NASCAR's Backlash Ethos, Bubba In Love
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Wade Phillips Cuts A Rug In Miami
Super Bowl parties aren't all hookers and cocaine; sometimes they're about middle-aged white coaches awkwardly doing group dances. The YMCA has never been so simultaneously wholesome and icky. (Video is rated debatably SFW, for graphic scenes of Wade Phillips dancing.)...