ill Page 709 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
World Series Game Five Live Blog 33-1/3: The Final Insult
Last time on "World Series Test Cricket," our Philadelphia Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays were tied 2-2 in the middle of the 6th inning. Please slip on the underwear you adorned on Tuesday (or, if you want to be accurate, Monday) and jump like it's October 27th. * * *Top 9th 3 ...
Unfortunate Babies Poised For Lifetime Of Regret
I'm quite certain that, should he win on Nov. 4, the first order of business in the new Barack Obama administration will be to end the practice of parents naming their children after sports stars. Sadly it's too late for little Cole and Chase Ryan, born just prior to Monday's Great Rain Delay and na...
Cops Still Baffled By Isiah Thomas' Tomfoolery
We'll probably never know what really happened last Friday night at Isiah Thomas' spacious pad in Purchase, New York, but the one thing that is being made perfectly clear: he's the one who overdosed on sleeping pills, not his daughter, and police chief, David Hall, is doing everything possible to ma...
Mystery Phillies Bud Selig Chastiser Identified! (We Think)
Three sources have come forward to reveal the identity of the mystery Philadelphia Phillie responsible for the now-famous quote about Bud Selig on Monday. Upon seeing Selig in the Phillies' clubhouse following the postponement of Game 5 due to rain, a Phillies pitcher looked at him and said: "That f...
Loaded Feature Stories That Make It Abundantly Clear Why Newspapers Suck
Yes, that's Brett Myers, Phillies number two pitcher, who many of you only know as the man who punched his wife in the face outside a Boston bar back in June of 2006. Given his penchant for violence and dickheaded outbursts, it would seem completely ridiculous for a newspaper to do a feature story o...
Puny Philadelphians; You Will Never Stop The Carnival Cruise Six-Story Piñata Of Doom
Despite its wish not to jinx the Phillies by prematurely planning a World Series victory parade, the City of Philadelphia tipped its hand on Tuesday in the most unlikely of ways; by disrespecting the world's largest piñata. It seems that Carnival Cruise Lines has spent months planning a huge event i...
ESPN Deems Bill Simmons' Fantasy Basketball Entrant NSFW
The Big Lead hopped on this story (via Hank Brockett) earlier today about ESPN forbidding Bill Simmons from having adult entertainer/blogger/ESPN fan boy Christian, of Christian Sings the Blues (NOT ANYWHERE CLOSE TO BEING SAFE FOR WORK), in his fantasy basketball league (along with roto dungeon mas...
Danyelle Sargent Is Trying to Put All of This Behind Her
Fox sportscaster and potty-mouthed vixen Danyelle Sargent went on Dan Patrick's SI radio show this morning, sounding beleaguered and contrite for her embarrassing Bill Walsh slip-up that unfortunately made the airwaves on Sunday and unleashed the wrath of Mike Francesa. This is her quote from Patric...
Time To Play: Guess Which Phillie Ripped Bud Selig?
Generally I don't use anonymous quotes, unless it's concerning something really big, like when a member of the Phillies sees Bud Selig in the clubhouse following the Game 5 rain delay and utters the immortal line: "I wouldn't let him supervise one of my shits." Who is this mystery poet? Personally m...
Marisa Miller Plus Ryan Braun Equals A Whole Lot Of Ball Jokes
I like to imagine a scenario in which Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun is sitting in a conference room with his agent and a representative from the Remington razor corporation. An opportunity has been presented to the charismatic young slugger, but he is hesitant. "Remember," the Draper-esque...
Charles Barkley Realizes Isiah Thomas Suicide Jokes Don't Play Well at Press Conferences
Charles Barkley, loudmouth TNT NBA analyst and potential 2014 gubernatorial nominee, may have finally crossed his own arbitrary tastelessness line. Barkley, commenting on the current state of the Knicks at a press conference, made this unfortunate quip about his old buddy Isiah Thomas, who recently ...
And It's A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
I have to laugh at everyone who contends that God, Mother Nature, Snow Miser or whomever is cursing the Phillies with this rainout business. For a quick read on why we're still playing Game 5 of the World Series more than 24 hours after it should have ended, just check the calendar. It's nearly frea...
Karl Ravech Is In No Mood To Humor You, Steve Phillips
Sitting in the dangerously wet and windy confines of the centerfield Baseball Tonight perch for three hours, only to walk away empty handed with a six-inning tie, will sour anyone's night. So when a horrible ex-GM decides to run way out to left field for an ill-timed, poorly executed, and borderline...
Life Lessons in Philadelphia Fandom: Nothing Comes Easy
So, Leitch just asked me this question: What would be worse — if the Phillies won the World Series on the five-inning mother nature rule or if they go on to lose this thing in 7 after this? I had to think about it. Obviously, if the Phillies lose this outright in the next three games (whenever those...
World Series Game Five Live Blog: Rays at Phillies
Well then. If Philadelphia gets a win from Cole "Lynchpin Of Hope" Hamels tonight, they win the World Series. If Scott "Zambrano" Kazmir can act as the stopper, then the Rays move the Series back to Catwalkdome and continue to fight from the corner they've put themselves in. If Tennessee wins, you'v...
Rays Fans Spooked by Beer-Throwing Passion of Towel-Waving, Jovial Fanbase
I wasn't going to post this story today because, well, we covered the majority of Philadelphia fans' storied repulsiveness quite extensively in this post. However, I must comment on St. Petersburg Times' columnist John Romano's piece "Phils' fans live down to their reputation", which is just complet...
Tyrone Willingham Is Calling It A Career At Washington
Remember when Ty Willingham was on (or at the) top of the college football world? The guy won a Pac-10 title at Stanford (Stanford!) and in the late '90s was one of the rising stars of the college coaching world. Then in 2002, he replaced George O'Leary Bob Davie at Notre Dame and promptly went 8-0 ...
Harold Reynolds Contemplates Inappropriate Use Of His Hands Again
Harold Reynolds and Steve Phillips are two professional baseball guys who professionally talk about baseball for a living. One of them thinks the other one is an idiot and would maybe like to take the back of his hand and show that other one what's what. The place: The Tampa Bay ESPN 1040's "THE KIL...
Phillies Feel A World Title Is Very Close
What they're saying from parents' basements across the land on the Phillies' 10-2 win over the Rays in Game 4 of the World Series ... • Evan Longoria Shares An Intimate Moment With Jimmy Rollins. While accentuating another umpire blunder in this series (that’s #5 if you’re keeping track at home), th...
Angryville Prepares for The Great Unmooring
This was taken at Broad and Walnut last night about 12:47, just an hour after the game ended. Just like the night before, after that rain-delayed, preposterous walk-off win in Game 3, the city's most boisterous emptied their homes, the bars, their cars, and just took it to the street. Cops were sum...