ill Page 714 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Season Preview: Jacksonville Jaguars
The NFL season has officially started, so it's time to fucking finish the impassioned season previews from various writers, bloggers, diehard fans, cooks, TV personalities, and numerous other walks of life whom consider football the only sport worth watching. Clearly, these previews will be running ...
Chase Utley Ain't No Broad, According To Charlie Manuel
As the Phillies maintain their pursuit of The Bastard Mets in the National League East, there were some questions about whether or not this team was capable of hanging on through this final month of the season due to an overall lack of clubhouse leadership. There are no shit-stirrers, save for the o...
Floyd Mayweather Missing $7 Million In Jewelry After Robbery
Which is a real shame because Mayweather was using the $7 million in jewelry as a hedge against inflationary pressures brought on by the falling dollar and the continuing mortgage crisis. That or it was just sitting around in his house on the night of August 17th between 7 and 9 when it suddenly di...
Ricky Williams Gets High...er Salary, 1-Year Extension
The love affair between Miami RB Ricky Williams and Dolphins management is in full bloom, as the NFL's house practitioner of holistic medicine received an extension through the 2009 season, and reportedly a pay raise to boot. Terms of the raise were not disclosed, but my guess is that it involves la...
Does The Governor's Cup Also Contain The Governor's Jewels?
Louisville and Kentucky deserve credit today for saving us from the Sunday blahs by actually scheduling their game one full week before the bulk of the NFL slate gets underway (3:30, ESPN). No, it's not basketball, but it's a fun in-state rivalry, matching up teams that have recently been competitiv...
Whatever Happened to a Good Old Fashioned Headbutt?
Score one for the extraordinarily thin-skinned. A judge in Naples, Italy recently awarded 1500 Euro to a fan of the Napoli Football Club for "existential damages" he incurred while attending a match against Inter Milan. The cause of the damages? Banners. But not just any banners. Banners that made l...
Kid Who Fell Onto Field Further Traumatized By Dopey Matt Lauer Interview
It pays to be a klutz in Philadelphia: The kid who tumbled from the stands onto the warning track at Citizens Bank Ballpark on Thursday woke up the next day to new-found celebrity, collecting a bunch of Phillies memorabilia, game tickets and a trip to New York for an interview on the Today Show. The...
Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams Ringing The NASDAQ Opening Bell Tomorrow
This is the most incongruous pairing of sports and the financial markets since Lenny Dykstra first emailed Jim Cramer. How did this happen? What in the world has the Wild Thing been up to since his baseball career ended? He started his own Wild Thing Southpaw Salsa. Well, of course he did. Mitch Wi...
Ozzie Guillen Bids Farewell To His Personal Lord Voldemort
Reaction to Jay Mariotti's resignation from the Chicago Sun-Times continues to pour in — there hasn't been this much freewheeling glee since the announcement of the end of World War II — and of course Ozzie Guillen is leading the hurrahs. While admitting that his own tenure in Chicago most assuredly...
This Is Why Rock Fights Are Fun
So, there was this predictable exchange between the front desk guy in my apartment building and another guy as I went out to grab some smokes while the Phillies were down 7-1 in the 4th inning last night to the Mets. "Of course they'd come down to earth. Take 4 from the Dodgers then they get blown o...
Mr. Met Sez: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta
If there's one thing I've learned in this world, it's that you do not f—- with Mr. Met. He has a bad attitude and a collection of shivs he made in prison, so watch out. Just look at this photo, where Mr. Met is saying "Don't f—- with my hos, or I will STICK YOU, man!" And witness the video following...
Tom Brady's E: Meet Will McDonough
In a really fascinating article and very well written piece, Brady's E, Will McDonough, is credited with the quarterback's rise from awkward media interviewee to a stylish, model-dating, European-vacationing metrosexual. Depending on your particular persuasion this either makes McDonough the anti-c...
Sunday Night Baseball: Dodgers-Phillies
Philadelphia and Los Angeles have good chances at winning their divisions. Jon Miller and Joe Morgan have good chances at mentioning baseball players from the 80s we never heard of, but should be in the Hall of Fame. Your pitchers: Hiroki Kuroda for the Avoiders, and Joe Blanton for the Philbins. If...
MLB Closer: Do Not Taunt Surly Third-Place Kitty
Zach Miner of Los Tigres Detroit committed regicide on the monarchs from Missouri, allowing only three singles in seven innings on the way to a 4-0 victory in Kansas City last night. How could he get away with such domination on a major league franchise while only striking out three? How could he kn...
The Thing I Do Can Be Related to Current Events So Look At Me!
Below, you will see what it takes for a man to excrete success. Frosted Flakes Gold is not involved, despite what our television just told us. Click to view ...
Merriman Weighs His Options
Shawne Merriman has a PCL tear in his left knee, now all that's left to determine is what he and the team plan on doing about it. At this point Merriman can get back on the field with his unstable joint, or he can opt for one of two surgical options. A partial reconstruction could get him back on th...
We're Not Here to Violate Probation; We're Just Here to Do the Super Bowl Shuffle
#27, second from the left, is Michael Richardson. Richardson played a key role in the 1985-86 Chicago Bears' domination of the league. Now he's going back to jail for violating probation on his 21st drug conviction, bringing a new tint to the term "shutdown corner". How on Earth did L.A. Mike's pr...
Tell Me How My Sass Tastes: Woman Gets Restraining Order Against Shaq For "Stalking"
Just as things started looking up for Shaquille O'Neal (a rejuvenation of his NBA career in Phoenix, a rejuvenation of his rap career, making up with his estranged wife) he might be in store for some troubling times due to the allegations of one Atlanta-based lady who claims The Diesel is "stalking ...
College Football Previews: #9 Clemson
Andrew Webster brings you the Clemson Tigers preview today. Andrew writes the sports blog, The Church of Keith Jackson. One week from today, the games will be going, but, until then, dive into #9 Clemson. Why, you ask, is a young and strapping (just ask my mom) Canadian man writing a Clemson Tigers...
Jimmy Rollins: 'In Philly, Can't Be No Punk'
Jimmy Rollins' love affair with the city of Philadelphia continues. Last week he called out Phils fans on Best Damn Sports Show Period, decrying their notorious negativity and calling them "front-runners." That caused a Philadelphia blogger to organize an Internet campaign to try and get fans to che...