im Page 326 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nikola Jokic Finally Triumphed Over His Archenemy The Microphone
Nikola Jokic is a man of simple desires. He wants to make cool passes, “eat good,” “watch TV show,” and be stronger than the Coke. He also wants a damn microphone that he can hold in his hand without any issues....
Diego Godín Was The da Vinci Of The Atlético Madrid Renaissance
On Tuesday, one of the great artists of defensive, shithousing soccer decided to call an end to one of the most remarkable runs of European success in recent memory. Diego Godín, the Goliath in defense and scorer of many a clutch goal, will leave Atlético Madrid at the end of the current season, rep...
Orioles Fan Experiences Embarrassment, Elation, Denial, And Resignation After Interfering With Live Ball
In the bottom of the first inning of Monday’s Red Sox-Orioles game, Jonathan Villar lifted a long fly ball to left field, where J.D. Martinez tracked it to the wall. The wall seemed to sneak up on Martinez a little bit, and he was unable to make the catch, with the ball dropping and Villar racing to...
Steve Keim Has Built Something Beautifully Dumb In The Desert
For a while there was at least Ryan Grigson, and that was enough. A perfectly rectangular former NFL lineman partial to tactical sunglasses and oddly shiny suits, Grigson always projected the sense that he was imagining himself as the lead in a 1990s action movie called Executive Force. In his first...
The Kentucky Derby Was Decided By Some Video Replay Bullshit
For a brief moment on Saturday, Luis Saez felt an immense happiness that can only overcome someone that has achieved one of the greatest accomplishments of their life. He had won the Kentucky Derby with his horse, Maximum Security, by one-and-a-half lengths and spoke about how the victory was a drea...
Derek Jeter Is Unhappy With The Marlins' Business Strategy That Derek Jeter Put In Place
It would be safe to assume that anyone with even the faintest clue of what has been going on this season in MLB understands that the Marlins have looked like a pile of crap that ate a second pile of crap and then crapped out a third pile of crap. Miami’s roster has only been able to muster a league ...
Bulls Give Another Contract Extension To That Hardass Everyone Hated
The Chicago Bulls, fresh off a successful season of not winning too many games to miss out on a primo lottery spot, reportedly have signed a “multi-year” extension with head coach Jim Boylen. Boylen, who took over for Fred Hoiberg as interim coach during last season and had already signed an extensi...
Caster Semenya Wins Final 800-Meter Race Before The IAAF Can Start Discriminating Against Her
For the 30th straight time on the track, Caster Semenya won an 800-meter race. The South African runner led from the gun at today’s Diamond League meet in Doha, Qatar, winning by 2.77 seconds with a 1:54.98 result, the fourth-fastest time of her career....
Nikola Jokic Explains His Body
There’s a charming feature on Nuggets superstar Nikola Jokic, who’s been thriving in his first postseason, over at ESPN today. It addresses many questions that may have been lingering in viewers’ minds. To take just a few:...
Ben Simmons Gets Away With Elbowing Kyle Lowry In The Dick And Balls
This is some dirty stuff right here. In the second quarter of Thursday night’s Game 3 in the 76ers-Raptors series, Kyle Lowry boxed out Ben Simmons on the defensive glass, and Simmons toppled to the floor along the baseline. With Lowry teetering over him, Simmons threw an angry elbow directly to Low...
ESPN's Tim Legler Loses It After His Phone Stops Working During Stephen A. Smith's Show
ESPN NBA analyst Tim Legler had a bit of trouble delivering his takes about the remaining playoff series when he joined Stephen A. Smith’s show this afternoon. Legler was in the middle of praising Khris Middleton when Smith cut him off to tell him he couldn’t hear him. Unbeknownst to Legler, viewers...
Why Are Good Young Racehorses Ending Up As Meat 7,000 Miles Away?
Two years in the life and death of a racehorse:...
Dodgers Fan Keeps Trying To Catch Foul Balls, Keeps Throwing Food All Over The Damn Place
The undisputed highlight of last night’s game between the Dodgers and Giants, which ended up a 2-1 victory for San Francisco, was the two-part slapstick routine that one Dodgers fan performed in the stands, much to the detriment of his wallet, his appetite, and all the people around him....
911 Call Data Confirms Wrigleyville Is A Terrible Place To Be During Cubs Games
The internet is full of anecdotal evidence that a professional sporting event is a great place to witness reckless, rowdy, and even violent behavior. But do they really present more dangers than can be found in any major American city on any given night? That’s what we aim to find out....
The New USA Gymnastics Director Of Sports Medicine Lasted Just One Day On The Job
It doesn’t seem possible that one organization could find as many different ways to fuck up as USA Gymnastics has over the past several years, but they somehow added another one to the list earlier this week. On Monday, the bankrupt USAG hired its first-ever full-time director of sports medicine and...
IAAF Now Officially Allowed To Discriminate Against Caster Semenya
South African track star Caster Semenya has lost her appeal against the sport’s governing body, IAAF, and will have to take medicine to lower her natural levels of testosterone if she wants to continue to compete in her best event, the Court of Arbitration for Sport announced today. ...
Justin Gimelstob Steps Down From ATP Board
Justin Gimelstob, the highly connected tennis figure with a long history of alleged violence, is resigning from his post on the ATP board of directors. Gimelstob felt he had become “too much of a distraction and a liability,” he told the New York Times from Madrid, where he had flown to personally d...
Football Writers Dust Off Their Old Dumb Takes About Domestic Violence, Somehow Make Them Dumber
Since the Kansas City Chiefs indefinitely suspended Tyreek Hill last week for his alleged role in breaking his 3-year-old son’s arm and for threatening his fiancée in a leaked audio recording, the NFL Knowers have dutifully donned their thinking caps and pondered solutions. What the actual problem b...
In Game With Gut-Sick Joel Embiid, Raptors Are The Ones To Shit Their Pants
Joel Embiid was listed as probable headed into Game 2 of the Eastern Conference semifinal series between the 76ers and Raptors, with a case of gastroenteritis. It’s a stomach virus, and is experienced as a lot of stomach pain and diarrhea, which is definitely not the condition you want to be in whil...