im Page 365 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sweaty Balls
Meet Peoria sportscaster Jim Mattson, whose segment on WEEK tonight was perspirative and gonadic. His broadcast partners were... surprised?...
The Final Installment Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker, Featuring The Greatest Anagrammed Hits
Many—most?—Orioles games feel vaguely pointless right now. The end result is usually clear before the game is underway, and while there’s plenty of different ways for the team to reach that result, those differ only in substance rather than sentiment. It’s all going to be pretty depressing. This was...
Vlad Guerrero Jr. Smacked A Long Dinger And That's Not Even The Best Part Of The Video
Toronto Blue Jays prospect Vlad Guerrero Jr. smacked a massive tater Thursday night that sailed clear out of the stadium in Double-A Binghamton. We’ve seen Vladito hit some major dongs already in his still very young career, but the audio on this particular big fly gives it a little something extra....
The Time Dave McKenna Accidentally Called 911 On A Guy Just Looking For His Craigslist Date
Our beloved colleague Dave McKenna tells good stories. He’s done a lot of cool shit, met many weird people in weird ways, and had his run-ins with the law. And after selfishly squirreling all his stories away in Slack and our brains for years, we’ve realized we have a societal obligation to share. ...
Sidney Crosby Makes Everyone Better
Here’s a stat—a quirk?—that has very little to do with anything else in this blog but is too amazing not to lead with: In this series, Sidney Crosby has been on the ice for all 10 of Pittsburgh’s goals....
Exasperated Lacrosse Coach Emails Parents: "Most Of Our Team Focuses On The Fortnight Video Game Instead"
Find a kid with a tablet or computer these days, and chances are they’re watching or playing Fortnite. The online video game in which players build stairs and walls and then shoot each other has spread like a virus, and it’s derailed at least one boys lacrosse team, to the point where the coach sen...
Jimbob Ghostkeeper Is The 2018 Name Of The Year
Here at NOTY, it’s axiomatic that a truly great name has it going both ways. Just look at the Hall of Name: Assumption Bulltron, Nimrod Weiselfish, Tanqueray Beavers, Princess Nocandy, Vanilla Dong, Destiny Frankenstein. And we haven’t inducted a new class in a while, so no Barkevious Mingo, Taco B....
A Very Special Edition Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker: Let Viable Man Single!
The Engelb Vielma tracker is back, and this time it holds some excellent news for the utility infielder. When we left the 23-year-old last week, he had been sent down to Triple-A. But he was called back up to join Baltimore’s big-league club yesterday, and today—well, today, he got his first hit....
Alt-Right Ding-Dong Defeated By Sign
Hundreds of people attended the annual March for Immigrant and Workers’ Rights in Seattle yesterday. They were met by a counter-protest organized by the Proud Boys, a far-right organization for sad white men. That should be all the context you need to enjoy this video:...
Pedro Alvarez Clotheslines Teammate Chance Sisco
The Orioles are the worst team in the American League by record—8-20, tonight’s ongoing game against the Angels not included—and by just about everything else, too. (See: a collective OPS of .673.) Here’s a play from tonight that sums all that up pretty well: Pedro Alvarez running into Chance Sisco ...
Florida Man Arrested For Practicing Karate By Kicking Swans In The Head
A Florida man interested in karate is alleged to have found an elusive and illegal target for his kicks: bird faces. Last week, the Orlando Sentinel reported that Rocco Joseph Mantella was arrested for “practicing karate” by kicking swans in the head at a park in downtown Orlando, and further detail...
Historically Horrendous Boner By Bayern Munich's Keeper Gifts Real Madrid A Goal
If ever there were any doubt that Real Madrid are the luckiest team in the history of the world, this staggering gaffe by Bayern Munich’s Sven Ulreich that set up Karim Benzema for the easiest goal he’ll ever score in his life should remove all doubt:...
Black Chair Umpire Tony Nimmons Sues U.S. Tennis Association For Racial Discrimination
Tony Nimmons, a black chair umpire, is suing the U.S. Tennis Association for racial discrimination and is seeking reinstatement to his USTA position as well as compensatory damages, according to a complaint filed Friday in federal court for the Eastern District of New York. The lawsuit was filed aft...
Ben Simmons Went Between The Legs
Ben Simmons was soundly outplayed by wee Terry Rozier in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals. Simmons still had 18 points on 6-of-11 shooting but did not connect on any shot farther than three feet from the rim. Many of his usual pinpoint passes landed in the hands of teammates who collectiv...
Baseball Child Cannot Be Stopped From Dragging Out His Moment Of Glory
Here we have a lesson from a baseball child on truly committing to the bit. Our slugger, presumably headed in to score a run after some cool-ass baseball heroics, was not having it with instructions to “run as fast as you can” or “move” or “not dunk on the poor blue-uniformed team.” He enjoyed himse...
After Scoring Key Transfer, Jim Harbaugh Drops Some Bad Ideas On College Transfers<em></em>
Following months of waivers and appeals, Shea Patterson, the former quarterback at Ole Miss, was allowed by the Rebels, the NCAA, and Michigan (his new team) to transfer and play immediately for the Wolverines. Naturally, this was preceded by Patterson and his lawyer essentially daring Ole Miss and ...
![Mischievous Dong Photobombs Marathon Photo Finish [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/aleqwnjii3sxqqbdtbj0.png)
Mischievous Dong Photobombs Marathon Photo Finish [NSFW]
The 2018 Christie Clinic Illinois Marathon was held Saturday in Champaign, and featured a virtually unheard of finish: runners Tesfaalem Mehari and Wilson Chenwono crossed the finish line at the same instant, and the result was ruled a tie. The runners will reportedly split the combined purse for fi...
Shohei Ohtani's Dinger-Smoking Heroics Cut Short By Injured Ankle
Shohei Ohtani smoked another home run Friday night, his fourth of the season. This one came off a sizzling 97-mph fastball from Yankees pitcher Luis Severino that appeared to be well off the plate inside:...
This <i>New York Times</i> Profile Of Serena Williams Is A Press Release For Her TV Show
The sort of celebrity profile that opens with an anecdote set in a restaurant or hotel room is more or less always bad, if only because the whole premise is so transparently ludicrous. The writer pretends that a short time in the presence of some closed-off celebrity has given them unique insights i...