im Page 798 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: Ascension Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence — quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose — that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....
Shawne Merriman's Fetus Wants Legal Recognition
Merriman was hit with a paternity suit this week, in an odd case in which he's admitted the unborn child is his. And before you ask, don't worry; Tila Tequila has not reproduced....
The One Where Jaimee Grubbs Banged Tiger For Haiti
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.(NSFW)...
UT Proves That Lane Kiffin Was A Hardened Criminal
The smear campaign against the newly-departed continues in earnest, as state and university officials confirm he never held an in-state driver's license. Throw away the key!...
Russia Turns The Dreamtime Into A Nightmare
Aboriginal Australians are none too pleased with the routine the ice dancing favorites have planned for the Olympics, and it's not hard to see why. Look at them. They look like Mardi Gras came to Ferngully....
Tebows' Super Bowl Ad Will Be Carried To Term, Apparently
CBS has approved a script for that 30-second spot Tim Tebow and his mom are doing for spanky Jim Dobson's Focus on the Family. It will not have an "overt" pro-life message, MediaDailyNews reports. Get out those decoder pins! [MediaDailyNews]...
Did The Jets' Official Store Just Jinx Itself Out Of Business?
Jets fans will surely sleep soundly knowing that their Super Bowl gear is bought and paid for before the AFC Championship game even begins. (They even changed their URL to include "champions.") Nothing can possiblie go wrong now! [JetsShop]...
Sports Fella Summons His Inner Black Guy For LeBron James Column, With Humorous Results
Bill Simmons watched LeBron James play basketball in person and he's very excited about it. We're talking 3,144 words of excitement and awe and Witnessing. Then he some how managed to go overboard beyond his usual overboarding....
Here's Kimbo Slice And Elton John, Just Because
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Scared Children Still Being Trampled By Angry Sheep, TV News Reports
Mutton bustin' is huge, according to some weird Fox News story that features terrifying video from Denver's National Western Stock Show. For example? "In a year-end post, sports blog Deadspin highlighted the year in mutton." We're tastemakers now! [MyFox]...
Today In TMZish Sports: Kardashian Denies Engagement Rumor, Bobsled Lady Shows Keister, Rachel Uchitel Turning 35
These are some of the things that are happening in the nether regions of the sports gossip world. This news is not breaking. It is not exclusive. There are no exclamation points. We did not pay for these photos....
We Don't Play Australian Open Tennis In Your Toilet, So Please Don't Pee On Our Court
An Australian Open match was delayed by 40 minutes today when a (nervous? sick?) ballboy peed himself on the court. At least he has a long fruitful life of intense psychological therapy ahead of him. [The Age/Fanhouse]...
Alaskan Hockey Space Bear Is Back To Tear You A Brand New One
Who knows what terrible sin humanity committed against the Alaska Nanook, but that bear is irate. Okay, maybe we shouldn't have frozen him in the Arctic, but is that any excuse to destroy Planet Earth with a kick-ass '80s soundtrack?...
AFC Playoff Open Thread: Flaccos. Mannings. Go.
The Baltimore Ravens were my mid-season Super Bowl pick and I'm sticking to it. Even if they lose. Peyton Manning is out to prove he can go deep in the playoffs without Dungy and his reliable receiver-who-possibly-shot-some-guy. [NFL.com]...
Get Ready For Tebow's First And Only Super Bowl Appearance
A Christian right group has tapped the QB and his mother for a 30-second spot to air on the Super Bowl. The group's track record and the Tebows' story tell us that this ad will not be without controversy....
Ravens To Appease Football Gods With Ritual Animal Slaughter
Baltimore will display the lobsters won in a bet with Massachusetts's governor last week, as a warning to the Colts tomorrow. It's better than that time Ray Lewis sacrificed two people, and won the Super Bowl the next year. [AP]...
Mediocre Daytime Host And Mediocre-QB-Turned-Mediocre-Analyst Switch Jobs
Tim Hasselbeck and his infinitely-more-famous wife will swap places on Tuesday, meaning he'll host The View while Elisabeth fills in on NFL Live. Though their respective performances will be necessarily uninformed, you might not notice a difference. [AP]...
South Florida Player No Longer Lying About Jim Leavitt's Lies
USF's Joel Miller says he and former coach Jim Leavitt met in a church parking lot in order to get their stories straight to investigators about how Leavitt didn't slap him (even though he totally did.) [Fanhouse]...
Watch Junior Seau Castrate A Horse With His Hand
Seau prepares for retired life by squishing horse balls on his "Sports Job" television show. It's as gross as you'd expect. I guess it's technically safe for work because, for some reason, they blurred out the poor horse's testicles. [Versus]...