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Enjoy Your Imaginary Championship Game, Texas and Alabama
You can use this post as an open thread for tonight's Alabama-Texas game, which means it's the perfect place for trash talk, yelling at people on TV, or composing angry rants against the BCS. Here...let me help you with that!...

Pot, Kettle Continue Historic Feud
Austin American-Statesman columnist (and assumed Longhorn fan) John Kelso breaks out his redneck joke book to preemptively needle Alabama fans. Tough talk from a state that lets steers vote. [Statesman/Huntsville Times]...

The Original Sports Guy, Now Blogging
Charles P. Pierce — author, Deadspin's chief book critic, and America's best sportswriter (no matter how many pins Bill Simmons sticks in his voodoo doll) — now has a blog. Read it immediately. [Boston.com]...

Alabama Fans Threaten Weatherman, God Over Snowstorm
Tomorrow night's forecast for Birmingham, Alabama, calls for freezing temperatures and snow, possibly mixed with rain. It's a Southern TV meteorologist's wet dream. Which is why everyone is preemptively pissed at them for interrupting the BCS Championship with storm updates....

Landon Donovan Wants You To Win The Mexican Lottery
I'm pretty sure this commercial is racist, but I'm not certain who should actually be offended. Landon Donovan's Spanish teacher would be a good place to start. [SportsRubbish]...

Austin Takes The Lead In Menstrual BCS Trash Talk
We're still two days away from the fake National Championship Game, but it's not to early for fans of Texas/Alabama to start hurling gross insults at each other. Unfortunately, Alabama's nickname makes it a little too easy for some....

ESPN Enters Euclidean Space
ESPN's 3-D channel debuts this June with the World Cup opener, leaving the network one dimension shy of the spacetime continuum. [ESPN]...

Last Night's Winner: Screenshot Enthusiasts
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who watched the Fiesta Bowl's cornucopia of bizarre and occasionally disturbing images. And then flooded our inbox with every single one of them....

There Must Be Some Mistake Here
"White Kid Wins Dunk Contest"? Don't ask me. I'm as confused as you are. [Rivals - Thanks, Tom L.]...

Reruns Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the NFL teams who beat another team just to win the right to play that same team again. Why did they even bother?...

Zorn Officially Out
Guess no one told the Redskins that they could sleep in today. Jim Zorn was escorted from the building at 4:45 a.m. this morning and Bruce Allen didn't even buy him breakfast. [ESPN]...

The Zorn Nonentity
As I write this, the Redskins are playing for pride and their jobs...and are struggling against Billy Volek and the Charger subs. It's time for Jim Zorn to pay the piper....

Overgrown Monster Man And Peppy She-Child Make Beautiful Music
Wladimir Klitschko and Hayden Panettiere, besides exploding my spellchecker, have been photographed canoodling (this is a word that only applies to celebrity couples). Do with this news what you will. [Pacific Coast News]...

China's Mysterious Golf Island
22 courses in an area one-and-a-half times the size of Manhattan. Shrouded in intrigue and controversy. Destroyed mountains and shared jackfruit. A fascinating read on Dubai-level bombast with Communist-level secrecy....

2010 Arrives Like A Gentle Karate Chop To The Temple
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

December: <em>Fin.</em>
We produce a lot of posts every month. Most of them disappear quickly. Some of them don't. Here are the 10 most popular posts from December, ranked low to high...

The Britches Of Arkansas County: A Rear-Gazing Dispatch From The World Duck Calling Championship
Sam Eifling spent a recent Saturday in Stuttgart, Ark., at the World's Championship Duck Calling Contest and its Duck Gumbo party, a rollicking bumpkin Mardi Gras that has taken for its central rite the practice of slapping that ass....

Truth-Squadding Kobe Bryant's "Broken" Finger
Via Bethlehem Shoals comes this stark piece of cinema, in which a brave truth-teller goes all Loose Change on Kobe Bryant's finger and informs us, among other things, that Bryant's "stupid avulsion fracture isn't even a real 'break.'" Video below....

Least Necessary Holiday Sports Column Update
We got some good submissions for the Least Necessary Sports Column "contest," so while you're waiting around for various balls to drop here's some light reading that will make you say, "Why did this happen?"...

The Year In ... Sports Fella
Just like last year, we're showcasing the people, ideas and memes that made Deadspin 2009 shine. Today: Bill Simmons....