in Page 1621 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Minkah Fitzpatrick Wants Out Of Miami
It took only one game for the depth and breadth of Miami’s “tank for Tua” campaign to become apparent, and it was being widely reported even before all the players had finished driving home from the stadium that they were frantically ringing their agents, begging for deliverance from whatever this a...
Interminable Mike Pereira Rules Monologue Interrupted Several Times By Ghastly Football
The NFL’s got to clean this crap up. The Thursday night game between the Panthers and Buccaneers was already a hellish, dismal slog, featuring punchless, amateurish offense run by a pair of deeply disinterested quarterbacks. Then the fourth quarter rolled around, and what might’ve otherwise been at ...
Washington's Running Back Conflict Resolves Itself In Characteristically Grim, Destructive Fashion
Washington running back Derrius Guice missed his entire rookie season after suffering a knee injury during his first career preseason game. This year, Guice injured his other knee in his first career regular season game, and is expected to miss only half the year. If he keeps this pattern up, the th...
Report: Spencer Dinwiddie Gives Me A Migraine With Complex-Sounding Contract Conversion Plans
Spencer Dinwiddie, a cool basketball man, is planning to sell bonds secured by his contract with the Brooklyn Nets in order to raise up-front investment capital, or anyway that is how I have chosen to make sense of this gobbledygook-ass report from Shams Charania of The Athletic....
Least Loyal Coach In Recent Memory Demands Total Loyalty From His Recruits
Manny Diaz, who was very briefly the Temple Owls’ head coach before he abandoned his contract without coaching a single game because he found a more appealing job with the Miami Hurricanes, would be better served staying away from demanding pledges of fealty from college football recruits, especiall...
Should A Home Run Automatically End An Inning?
I will not keep you waiting for an answer on this one. No, absolutely not and under no circumstances would it be a good idea for a homer to automatically end an inning in a big league baseball game. It seems important not to equivocate on this question. And yet this Funbag question, from a listener ...
Rolling Stones, San Francisco 49ers, City Of Santa Clara All Extremely Mad At Each Other
The Mercury News has published a surprisingly entertaining story about a three-way spat currently raging between the Rolling Stones, the San Francisco 49ers, and the city of Santa Clara. The fight is over various logistical headaches that come with trying to put on a concert at the Niners’ stadium, ...
The NFL Has A Painkiller Crisis That It Never Wants To Go Away
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
The Story Behind The Biggest Brawl In WNBA History
Last month, Brittney Griner of the Phoenix Mercury and Kristine Anigwe of the Dallas Wings got into a fight, which resulted in six ejections and five suspensions. It was the largest WNBA fight since 2008, when the Detroit Shock (now the Dallas Wings) and the Los Angeles Sparks were part of brawl tha...
George Best And The Soccer Battle Of The Sexes That Changed ... Well, Nothing
Fifty years ago, on a drizzly Sunday afternoon in Manchester, Eva Haraldsted played soccer against George Best. Haraldsted was 21 years old. She wore a turquoise mini-dress, white soccer boots, and a high ponytail, and was captain of a women’s team called Blinkers United. Best, the shaggy-haired Man...
Valencia's Owner Fired His Manager, Pissed Off His Players, And Might Have Ruined The Season
Despite securing a Champions League spot for the second consecutive year and beating Barcelona in the Copa del Rey final last season, Marcelino is no longer the manager of Valencia. The club sacked him on Wednesday, on the eve of two massive fixtures against Barcelona in La Liga and Chelsea in the C...
Jordin Canada Might Just Be The Heir To Sue Bird's Throne
The defending champion Seattle Storm took the expected fall that came with a pair of devastating preseason injuries, going a mere 18-16 in 2019 after dominating the league with a 26-8 record last year. But even without reigning MVP Breanna Stewart or living legend Sue Bird, the Storm managed to snea...
We Are Drowning In Dingers
The home run that made baseball history was pretty workaday, as they go. Sure, it was a big moment in the game, breaking a seventh-inning tie to give the Orioles a 5-2 lead over the Dodgers. But this game didn’t really matter to either team, and Jonathan Villar’s homer—the 6,106th homer hit in MLB t...
Dipshit NFL Reporter Exposes His Entire Ass With Blockheaded Tweets About Antonio Brown's Rape Case
Oftentimes, the worst examples of society’s despicable penchant for immediately blaming and/or discrediting women who report being victims of sexual assault are relegated to anonymous, obscure social media posters and website commenters. Other times, the dumbfucks embodying the trend are people with...
Kobe Bryant Finds Outlet For Passive Aggression In Youth Basketball Team
Kobe Bryant, when not sloppily cosplaying Michael Jordan, has been sharing occasional updates on his Mambas youth team. Two days ago, the retired Laker congratulated the girls after they beat an opponent by 88 points. Yesterday, he shared an image of a fourth-place trophy they received two years ago...
There's No Good Reason For Shane McMahon To Still Be Wrestling
Behold this potato of a man. That’s 49-year-old Shane McMahon, son of WWE chairman Vince McMahon and also somehow an “active wrestling competitor” on SmackDown. The phrase is in quotes because Shane McMahon is not so much a wrestler as he is the beneficiary of a concoction of nostalgia and nepotism ...
The Secret Fun Of Wild Card Bumper Cars Without An Audience
Having been surprised and inspired by Comrade Burneko’s scolding paean to the virtues of minor league baseball (namely, that it’s fun and people you don’t hang out with seem to like it so it deserves its continued existence based solely on that fact), I decided to avert my eyes from the smoldering r...
The First Game Of The Rest Of Our Lives
Eighteen years ago this morning I awoke to shouts from the hall of my dorm. “We’re going to war! We’re going to war!” The origin of the shouting was my neighbor Brian, known for his histrionics, so I went back to sleep. But soon after, I received a call from my high school quarterback, Justin, livin...
Cleveland Browns Ban Wrong Guy From Stadium For Beer-Pouring Incident
Pour one out for poor Eric Smith, whom the Cleveland Browns banned for life from their stadium for dumping beer on visiting Tennessee Titans players this past Sunday—even though he was nowhere near the stadium at the time. Just be careful not to get any on anybody, or the Browns will have some rando...
Competitive Oyster Shucking Is Real, Decadent, And China's Best Party
Many people who visit Beijing take special pleasure in doing a thing they often do, but on the Great Wall. Shotgunning a beer on the Great Wall. Lighting a cigar on the Great Wall. Making a sandwich and then eating it on the Great Wall. I have personally seen a used condom on the Great Wall....