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![Oh No, Matt Leinart Is Back [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4rompziq9mjpg.jpg)
Oh No, Matt Leinart Is Back [UPDATE]
Hey, remember that thing I wrote on Friday about the Texans storming their way to top seed in the AFC? And remember that game they won 37-9 on Sunday?...

This Will Answer Any Questions You Might Have About Changing One's Name To Metta World Peace
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the former Ron Artest is still getting his new credit cards....

Karlos Dansby Is The Best Linebacker In The NFL, According To Karlos Dansby
Karlos Dansby had an interception, a couple of passes defended, a quarterback hurry, and 10 tackles in his 2-7 team's win over the 3-6 Washington Redskins on Sunday. And after a performance like that, Karlos Dansby is quite convinced that Karlos Dansby is the best linebacker in the NFL....

Dos Santos Wins, Mainstream Fails To Care
I'd planned to write something about the Cain Velasquez vs. Junior dos Santos fight today. But the fight lasted all of 64 seconds. Gotta feel for anyone who sat through eons of buildup only to make for the suds and miss the action. The UFC's debut on Fox was a flop. A disappointment on a grand sca...

The Lions Had An Awful Lot Of Excuses About The Wind Yesterday
You could chalk the Lions' embarrassing loss to Chicago up to many things. Turnovers, an inability to get the run game going, Matthew Stafford...but no matter how many things don't go your way, it remains all-but-impossible for an NFL team to win when the wind itself is a Bears fan. Here, some selec...

NFL Pundits Hate It, But The Falcons Made The Right Call On Fourth-And-Inches
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries. ...

Louisville Players Weren't Prepared For Pitt Because They Were Busy With The New <i>Call Of Duty</i> Game
So, this is the thing: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 is awesome, and everyone rushed out to buy it when it came out on Tuesday. The NCAA probably should have just canceled all games for this weekend, because crucial Big East showdowns feel a lot less crucial when the Russians are invading Lower Man...

Yesterday: The Greatest Catch That Never Officially Happened Of The NFL Season
There hasn't been much to be happy about recently in Kansas City, save Todd Haley's beard. Yesterday the Chiefs lost to Tim Tebow, who completed but two passes all day, and his third-string running back, Lance Ball....

Don Johnson, The Champagne King And The Beast Of Blackjack, Has Once Again Punished An Atlantic City Casino
After a few months of suspiciously restrained behavior, blackjack savant Don Johnson has returned. He was spotted in October in Atlantic City stuffing fistfuls of casino chips into his gullet. Just grinding them up between his world-class molars. No, I made that up. He was actually cashing in fistfu...

Colt McCoy Gets Sacked, Chucks The Ball At The Rams Twice, Gets Away With It
Your morning roundup for Nov. 14, the day we learned airport security stops terrorists, not kleptomaniacs. Video via Michael L. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Eli Manning Lost To Alex Smith, Is A Bum: Your Sunday NFL Roundup
For whatever reason, Eli will always be considered a terrible quarterback. Maybe it's because he is a contemporary of some very, very good quarterbacks—one of whom is his big brother—or maybe it's because he is kind of a doofus. Or maybe it's because he lost to Alex Smith and is terrible. Either wa...

Give A Hoot, Don't Pollute Your Insides With A Rat
"A white owl was seen chowing down on an unfortunate rodent right on the edge of the crossbar in the Metropolitan Stadium." The meal took place at halftime of an eventual tie between Colombia and Venezuela in a South American World Cup qualifier. Oh, and there's video, too. ...

Teams Should Probably Stop Punting To Devin Hester
The Detroit Lions brought in a new punter this week and apparently no one gave him the memo that Devin Hester is really good at returning punts. Robert Malone made the mistake of kicking it in Hester's vicinity and, well, you can see what happens from there....

Kevin Kolb Is Back: Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
We've got some pretty good games this week so let's dive right in. As always, chat about the games down in the comments....

Manny Pacquiao to Juan Manuel Marquez: Is That A Winning Scorecard, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
Your morning roundup for November 13, the day we learned how to make...whatever that stuff really is. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

<i>Malcolm In The Middle</i> Makes A Rare NBA Rap Video Appearance
Thanks to tipster Rob and his rapper friend "Rube" for this ode to the NBA. He brings up a good point and something that is often overlooked in this hotly contested negotiation: "When I'm stuck watchin' reruns of Malcolm in the Middle and World Series of Poker can you fathom just a little the void...

The Wilson Ramos Rescue Featured A Gunfight In The Mountains
Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was rescued last night and that is a very good thing. An even better thing? The rescue involved "Venezuelan police commandos" engaged in a "hair-raising" gunfight with his captors in a remote mountainous area....

High School Football Coach Resigns After Distributing "I Am A Queer" "Hurt Feelings" Questionnaire To Team
Here's one from the You Can't Make This Shit Up department. Pat Lynch is a high school football coach in Wyoming. He has been the coach for the Buffalo Bison since 1998 and won back to back state titles in 2004 and 2005. He is a leader of men. But not girly-men. Oh, no. Get that weak shit out of he...

The Record For Most Land Lubbers In One Place Was Absolutely Shattered Last Night
Your morning roundup for November 12, the day we learned that maybe Atlas just doesn't give a shit. Image via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

LaVar Arrington Speaks At Penn State Candlelight Vigil
"We are Penn State. That'll never change. ... Understand this is really a call to duty." That, courtesy of Andy Staples. Arrington was one of several to speak at the candlelight vigil organized by Penn State students in the wake of the havoc Sandusky, et al. have wrecked....