in Page 3424 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Cockblocked By Waves!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Jagr To Pittsburgh: Nope
Officially, the record will say the Penguins withdrew their 1-year, $2 million offer to Jaromir Jagr. But it's fairly safe to say that Jagr, who's had the deal in front of him for a few days, made it clear he wanted more. More money? More years? More of a chance at a Cup?...

Well, Shit, We've Been Giving The Norris Trophy To The Wrong Man Every Year
Your morning roundup for July 1, the day we blamed math on luck. Photo via Reddit....

This Wasn't The First Time Mr. Handy H. Wood Of Duncannon, Pa. Was Arrested For Exposing Himself
Handy H. Wood, 35, was charged with exposing himself to a McDonald's drive-thru clerk on May 17. Mr. Wood was also charged with exposing himself to a woman in the Giant/Rite Aid shopping center parking lot on May 29. Finally, Mr. Wood was arrested for exposing himself to a woman in another shopping...

Watch A Guy Drive Off The Side Of A Mountain
What happens when your car goes twirling off the side of a mountain at Devil's Playground during the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb? If you're Bobby Regester, you just climb out of the Pontiac Sunfire window. Ripoff....

18-Year-Old Michael Jordan's Gibberishy, Cocky Love Letter To A Comely Lass Named Laquette
If only we had the grace and verve of Michael Jordan, we've often lamented, we could have been great basketball players. But that powerful desire never extended to love notes, when, clearly, it should have....

If You've Always Wanted To Hunt a Live Human, Here's Your Willing Prey
This here’s the tale of a fella who calls himself “Mork Encino.” Mork, he has faith in his skills as they apply to both eludin’ and survivin’. He launched a website about it on June 20. It’s called “Hunt Me 4 Sport.” As of last night, there were 21 pictures of him sporting overalls in various poses...

South Carolina Athletic Director Welcomes Back Champion Team Of "Ice Cold Cocks"
The University of South Carolina held its second straight welcome home rally for its national champion baseball team on Wednesday. Everyone cheered and said nice things about the Gamecocks, and then it was Athletic Director Eric Hyman's turn to speak. Hyman said some more nice things, and then he ...

Period Etiquette: How To Menstruate Politely
Starting around middle school, many of us learn that periods are awkward. They require special behaviors and products, some of which we need to perform or purchase in public, and yet we're supposed to keep them totally private. Also, there is blood everywhere. But never fear — we're here to help you...

Josh Cribbs Goes To War Against The Tyranny Of Meter Maids
A couple of weeks ago, Browns receiver Josh Cribbs received a ticket for parking his Mercedes at an expired meter in Cleveland Heights. He protested immediately that the meter still had time left, posting a photo of his ticket next to the meter showing 8 minutes remaining. Police say they don't know...

Chad Ochocinco Threatens To Whoop Marvin Lewis's Ass
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Ochocinco doesn't pull punches on anyone....

Charlie Sheen's Steroid Admission Has Ruined My Childhood
It was the summer of 2003. A pleasant breeze graced the local baseball field, but I wasn't there. I was inside watching Comedy Central, sheltered in more ways than one. It was, for me, the summer of Major League, the summer of Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, the summer of Charlie Sheen and everything a ki...

Formula One Looks Like It's Coming To Texas Next Year
Plans for the 2012 American Grand Prix to be held at a new racetrack in Austin, are coming to fruition, with the track under construction and a date of June 17, 2012 circled on the F1 calendar....
![Exclusive: How An NBA Team Makes Money Disappear [UPDATE WITH CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1865o9ndt013bjpg.jpg)
Exclusive: How An NBA Team Makes Money Disappear [UPDATE WITH CORRECTION]
We've obtained audited financial data for the New Jersey Nets covering the three fiscal years from June 2003 to June 2006. Though the numbers end five years ago, you can still see the roots of the argument that will have NBA owners, come midnight, again locking out their players. You can also see ho...

Where In The World Is Jaromir Jagr?
No one knows where Jaromir Jagr, 39, the once-mulleted, twice-Stanley-Cup-champion is. (Jagr's planning on returning to the NHL after a three-year absence, and his agent told us to expect a decision soon.) But people have theories....

The Stanley Cup Begins Its Summer Job As A Firefighter
Yes. Awesome....

This Man Cares About The Equatorial Guinean Women's Soccer Team More Than You Do
Equatorial Guinea lost to Norway in its first game in the Women's World Cup with a 1-0 decision. No one took the defeat harder than this unidentified and possibly deranged superfan....

Chinese Male Cheerleader Has All The Right Moves
A friend tells us that this video is going viral in China, and if it's good enough to bring joy to the faces of 1.3 billion inscrutable Chinese, it's good enough for you lot....

No Country Club For Old Men
Your morning roundup for June 30, the day the turtles won. Photo via @FortyDeuceTwits....
