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Your Culturally Insensitive World Cup Goal Roundup For July 7
The final game—and shameful, shameful third-place game—is set. But before we get to the prognosticating, let's look at today's, um, goal, scored to music in a culturally benighted manner. Tune: Kid Frost....
Young Fan's Interference Leads To Mariners Loss, Priceless Expressions Of Wounded Innocence
In the eighth inning last night, Russell Branyan hit a chopper down the line that rolled into foul territory and was picked up by a teenager—preventing Ichiro from tying the game. Watch the young man's excitement turn to horror. [MLB.com]...
KABOOM: LEBRON TO CHICAGO, SAYS...SOME GUY MONITORING SUMMIT COUNTY TAXATION OR SOMETHING
"FLASH: Summit Co. processed request TODAY to change address on tax bill for BJ'S home from an LLC in Cleveland to a new address in Chicago" [EricMansfield]...
TAKE IT TO THE BANK: LEBRON STILL GOING TO KNICKS AND STEPHEN A. IS MISINFORMED, SAYS...SAME GUY FROM BEFORE
"in 28 hours we will find out who's right Stephen or NYCRAY. Is the KNICKS and no other team. Hook, Line, Sinker....... DONE" [@nyc_ray, photo via DeviantART]...
БЛЯТЬ! LEBRON TO KNICKS, SAYS...CAPITALISM
"There's been twice as many contracts sold to people betting that MSG stock will rise to $22.50 by the end of the month as compared to people betting it will fall to $20 by July's end." [CNBC, painting by our own OchentaYcinco]...
HEAVENS TO BETSY: LEBRON TO MATTOON, SAYS...STONED LOCAL
"@DEADSPIN Librarian sez WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME MORE ROLLOUT BLEACHERS!" [@williamfleitch]...
CHERRY-TOP THAT BITCH: LEBRON GOING TO NEW YORK SAYS...YET ANOTHER GUY
"@Deadspin only NEW YORK that's it" [NYCRay, image via deviantART]...
HOLD THE MAYO: LEBRON TO BULLS SAYS...SOME OTHER GUY
"Sources: BREAKING NEWS!!! LeBron James told the Chicago Bulls that he is going to sign with them. Will break the news tomorrow night at 9pm!" [@DAYV0N, painting via Fine Art America]...
MARK IT DOWN: LEBRON GOING TO NEW YORK/NEW JERSEY METROPOLITAN REGION SAYS...CHAD OCHOCINCO
"*Empire State of Mind* *wink* *wink*only the smart folk will put this together and figure out what i am talking about #6" [OchoCincoNewsNetwork, image via deviantART]...
BOOK IT: LEBRON GOING TO KNICKS, SAYS...SOME GUY
From Tips: A friend at ESPN (Bristol) just texted me that Lebron is going to the Knicks. It came across the wire. Another friend at ESPN just confirmed it....This changes everything…...
ABSOLUTELY ROCK SOLID: LEBRON GOING TO KNICKS SAYS...JARED DUDLEY
"Breaking News!!! My sources tell me Lebron will announce that he will be goin to the NY KNICKS tomorrow on ESPN.. This is serious.. WOW!!!!" [JaredDudleyTwitter, photo via Esquire]...
IT'S A LOCK: LEBRON GOING TO MIAMI, SAYS...STEPHEN A. SMITH
"For the record: I haven't changed my position. Learn [sic] is going to MIAMI. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong damn it. Stop bugging me until he speaks." [@stephenasmith, image via deviantART]...
World Cup Open Thread: Germany-Spain
Many are calling this "the real championship game" or something along those lines. I don't know though. Germany's been dominant (save that troublesome loss to Serbia) while Spain has looked ... lucky? Competent? Which side wins out? Comment as you watch, please....
Culturally Insensitive World Cup Goal Roundup For July 6
Before today's big game, let's look back on yesterday's action, and let's be really culturally insensitive while we're at it. Enjoy....
Unfortunately Named Sprinter Defeats Amusingly Named Sprinter
Walter Dix beat out Tyson Gay in the 200m at this weekend's Prefontaine Classic, leading Reuters to produce lots of muffled laughter with this headline. [Reuters]...
Last Night's Winner: ESPN, According To ESPN
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like ESPN, which is reporting that LeBron James will declare his intentions Thursday during a one-hour special televised by ESPN, according to ESPN's sources....
One Middle Finger For Each Star Headed To The Heat
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Ex-Seton Hall Coach Arrested For Shoplifting A Murse
Much-maligned Bobby Gonzalez was nabbed at the Short Hills Mall after walking out of the Ralph Lauren store with a $1400 "men's satchel." He's expected to plead "I didn't want anyone to know I was buying one." [Star-Ledger]...
Intern Horrors: <em>CSI</em> Isn't That Realistic? Gasp!
Welcome to Intern Horrors, the weekly feature wherein pluck-filled, enthusiastic apprentices describe their first experiences with the soul-crushing reality of 9-to-5 jobs. This week: logging evidence in a crime lab, an overweight voyeur, and a pathological liar....
The Mystery Of The Touch-Free Orgasm
Big funbag today. Right to your letters....