in Page 3723 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Mob Justice Prevails Again (UPDATE #3)
Sick of seeing his overly-manicured facial hair plastered up all over Chicago, the suspected Wrigley Field beer chucker has turned himself in. We'll stay with this story all night if we have to! God, I feel like Nancy Grace....

Now For Jason Whitlock's Thoughts On Rick Pitino
Topics discussed: Pussy Galore, Strange Tang, Pitino, Josh Hamilton, Reggie Miller, Monica Lewinsky, Obama and Hillary doin' it. There's something for everyone: rampant misogyny and gay-baiting! This column makes every sportswriter in America look like Betty Friedan in comparison. [FoxSports]...

Wrigley Beer-Tossing Hand Job Still At Large (UPDATE) (UPDATE NO)
I imagine that since we're very close to identifying the man who soaked Shane Victorino last night at Wrigley, that the Chicago PD are close as well....

And Here Comes The "Pitino Is A Baby Killer" Hysteria
Shockingly, Louisville's pro-life students are not impressed with how their coach handled the post-restaurant floor mom-banging: "Rick Pitino was willing to take his own child's life in order to cover up a cheap, tawdry affair."[ALL.org]...

Pitino Apologizes, Once Again Invokes 9/11
Rick Pitino's brother-in-law was a trader at Cantor Fitzgerald, and he died on 9/11 along with 3,000 other people, and now his and their memory is being invoked by a guy who, at best, is a floor-rutting womanizer....

Bronson Arroyo Will Put Just About Anything In His Body
Bronson Arroyo admits that he pumps his body full off all manner of unapproved chemicals and that MLB drug tests don't really concern him. And what about a hardcore steroid user like Manny Ramirez? If he dies, he dies....

Petey Throws Five Innings Of Slop For The Win
It wasn't pretty, or inspiring, but he did end up with the win. And Charlie Manuel used the hillbilly logic to monitor his new, old pitcher: "Five innings and he was ready to be got." [Philly.com]...

Hey Buddy, Down In Fro... Oh
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

What Does The NFL Shop Know That We Don't?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Stay Classy, Cubs Fans (UPDATE)
So, yeah, this happened tonight. Maybe it's time to retire that old stereotype of Philly having the worst fans? The culprit identified, after the jump....

All The Mutton, None Of The Bustin'
Brainstorm! What if, instead of having scared little children try to ride sheep, we strapped stuffed animals to their backs and made the fuzzy little guys race? Leave it to the Irish to take mutton sports to the next level....

Rick Pitino Deemed Unworthy Of Samford Law School's Leadership Luncheon
Rick Pitino was supposed to appear at a leadership luncheon in September at Samford's Cumberland law school. Now it seems the priapic boy genius will not be darkening Samford's door, for some mysterious reason....

What To Expect From "Hard Knocks: Cincinnati Bengals"
The Cincinnati Bengals are not quite the trainwreck they once were, but everyone is still hoping for some kind of entertainment value out of this year's edition of HBO's "Hard Knocks" docudrama. Don't get your hopes up....

Rick Pitino, Health Care Reformer
The coach's attorney says the $3,000 given to Karen Cunagin Sypher was not for an abortion but to help her buy medical insurance, furnishing America with yet another argument in favor of a single-payer model. [ESPN]...

Your U.S.A. vs. Mexico Open Live Thread Thingy
Fire up, gringos! It's like the original Mexican-American War, only with less malaria. The winner gets to punch Lou Dobbs in the face; loser gets to keep Texas. Olé your brains out in comments....

Pitino's Contract Has A Morality Clause
Rick Pitino's contract has a couple vaguely worded clauses that could figure into whatever fate awaits him at Louisville. One refers to "acts of moral depravity," the other to "willful misconduct" that "tends to greatly offend the public."...

ESPN Safeguards Our Delicate Sensibilities
More inane self-censorship: "When ESPN replayed both of these guys [Lou Piniella and Shane Victorino] screaming their profanities," Mike Pesca notes on Slate's sporting podcast (the ego to the Deadcast's id), "they blurred or pixelated" their mouths. Fuck that. [Slate]...

Spencer Swindle, Eamonn Daggerpiece To Work For Sunglassed Lurker
Congratulations to these fine gentleman. The SB Nation is poised to become scary good. [SBN]...

Brady Quinn-Derek Anderson Feud Gets Catty
Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are both listed as No. 1 on the Browns depth chart, although I don't believe the NFL's plan to add a second football to gameplay will take effect this year. So let the sabotage begin!...
