in Page 3948 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It Is Time, Once Again, To Wank For A Cause
It's the news you dared not hope was true: Nearly 10 years after it was introduced in San Francisco, the Masturbate-A-Thon is making its triumphant return. To The Netherlands! What took you so long, Dutch people? (Carl Monday dons raincoat, sounds the Action 4 News Team alert). Oh, like you had anyt...
The Burnley Bee Will Not Tolerate Nakedness
Look, from now on, when a costumed bee tackles a naked man during an English League soccer match — and then does about a half-hour Bee Victory Dance to celebrate the feat — I want to be informed immediately. I'm just seeing this now? Inexcusable. Hirshey, or someone, will pay. Now, on with the show....
Brady Quinn's Unfortunate Circumstances
With the news yesterday that the Browns are looking to sign Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson to long-term contract, we look ominously to a future that, sadly ... could be Brady Quinn-less....
Attention Oprah's Book Club: The New Reggie Bush Tell-All Is Here
Not in time for Christmas, darn it, but sure to make for cozy fireside reading nonetheless; the new Reggie Bush book, Don Yaeger's Tarnished Heisman, is here. Is this the Game of Shadows of college football? There's apparently enough evidence of financial impropriety involving Bush at USC to make th...
Nebraska's New Coach Is Quite Handsome
A reader who went to the BCS Championship Game sends in this photo of former LSU defensive coordinator and new Nebraska coach Bo Pelini, rocking the French Quarter at 3 a.m....
One More NFL Prop Bet, This Time With Jessica Simpson
No matter how excited you might be for Sunday's Cowboys-Giants game, we assure you, your 16-year-old mistress niece is more so. Because she wants to see if Jessica Simpson is going to be there. (We think. Honestly, we don't know any teenagers. Swear.)...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Tiger Victim's NFL Allegiance Revealed
Continuing the long tradition of people who have been laid to rest while wearing the gear of their favorite NFL team, that guy who was killed by the tiger at the San Francisco Zoo was sent to his great reward on Tuesday while wearing a ... you guessed it ... Oakland Raiders jersey. No word on what j...
Political Experts Aren't Any Better Than Sports Experts
We stayed up late last night watching the election returns last night with far more vigor and intensity than we watched the BCS Championship Game on Monday night. Sure, we might have had more personally at stake in this one, but that's not the real reason we were so compelled. We were amazed because...
Deadspin At Super Bowl XLII
We are put a wee 19 days from the Super Bowl, held in the Pink Taco in Glendale, Arizona. And we are very pleased to announce that, for the first time, we will be attending....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you demand a recount in the Greatest Will Of All Time voting ... • College basketball: Indiana at Michigan (7 p.m., ET); Florida at Alabama (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN]. Roll out the Big Ten goodness. • College basketball: Wichita State at Missouri State. (7 p.m., ET). Don't Shock me, bro. [...
Rick Ankiel's Depressing Big Buddy
Now that college football is over, and we have less than a month of the NFL left to go, perhaps we take a moment and look toward baseball. How about that heartwarming, inspiring story of, oh, what's his name .......
Joe Gibbs Decides That's Just About Enough
All told, and we mean no offense to the legend here, but we think we preferred the older, fatter Joe Gibbs to the one we see today....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you pipe in fake crowd noise to your living room ... • College football: BCS National Championship game, LSU vs. Ohio State, at New Orleans (8:15 p.m., ET). If only the bowl season could last forever. [Fox] • College basketball: Alabama State at Jackson State (8:30 p.m.) Do not taun...
Jessica Simpson Is Officially The Yoko Ono Of Sports
First of all, this post makes me feel dirty; Pat O'Brien dirty. And we did talk about it over the weekend, so perhaps you could skip the whole thing? No? Read on then....
Salvaging The Massacre In Mobile
Poor Illinois. Poor Hawaii. You folks think you can fathom utter and total humiliation in a January bowl game? Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your alma mater's football team, you'll know what to do!...