in Page 4043 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marlins Break Brandon Webb's Evil Spell
Somewhere in a third-world country, a child is wearing a Brandon Webb 10-0 t-shirt. It looks rather spiffy with his Patriots 19-0 Super Bowl hat, and his New Orleans Hornets foam No. 1 finger. To beat the most unbeatable of pitchers on Wednesday, Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez called for the most de...
Has Jason Taylor Cha-Cha'd His Way Out Of Miami?
According to the latest reports, it appears the Miami Dolphins no longer want any part of defensive end Jason Taylor's suggestive dance moves or his football abilities ever again....
Latina Mary Pickford, First Lady Of The Cagers
Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball g...
Another Reason For Stern To Fix The Western Conference Finals
At this point, the adage that "David Stern doesn't want a Spurs-Pistons final" has become so commonplace as to become tired. But if you live in a world that pretends that Nielsen boxes actually mean anything — because no one's ever met anyone with a Nielsen box and you could track actual viewing pat...
Media Approval Ratings: Mike Breen
Mike Breen, it seems, almost came out of nowhere to take over as the lead NBA broadcaster. It took an odd confluence of circumstances for the guy to go from ski jumping in 2002 to the NBA Finals in 2008....
The Knicks Already Have Danilo Gallinari Fever
Oh, boy, what a grand giggle we had last night when flipping through Chad Ford's mock draft. Sure, Knicks fans, you're ecstatic about having Isiah Thomas gone — though the rest of us, admit it, already miss him — and Mike D'Antoni promising to speed the game and make the team tolerable to watch. But...
Jose Canseco Is Anxiously Awaiting YOUR Email
Not only could you be living in Jose Canseco's home two months from now (it's being foreclosed), but you can stop by and punch him in the mouth to boot. As we learned yesterday, Canseco is promoting a boxing event in Atlantic City, and is currently looking for an opponent to meet him in the ring. Ye...
Virtual Binge-Drinking To Become Latest Gaming Trend
Do you still long for the competitive nature of drinking games, but no longer enjoy slamming plastic cups full of warm, shitty beer or have been forced to remove your ping pong table from the dining room by your shrewish wife? Well, the gaming universe has finally answered your prayers: Beer Pong fo...
Roger Clemens Probably Won't Be Downloading This Song
Anti-depressant poster girl and Roger Clemens Lolita Mindy McCready is showing she's still willing to steamroll ahead with her country singin' comeback regardless of the big white Rocket-shaped elephant that sits in her living room. McCready posted this YouTube message in an effort to let her remain...
Breaking: Russia Years Ahead Of Us In Remote Control Flying Penis Technology
Garry Kasparov’s love-hate relationship with technology continued on Saturday, as the former World Chess Champion was buzzed by a remote controlled flying penis during a political speech in Moscow. As reported by Gizmodo yesterday, Kasparov seemed bemused by the brief encounter, which ended when an ...
Could This Be The End For Our Pedro?
First off, all of you Mets fans who are saying "Pedro who?", just stop it. Pedro Martinez, who is on the verge of returning to New York's starting rotation, says that this season might well be his last. And you don't know it now, but you'll miss him when he's gone. Yes, you will....
Pro Athletes' Coffee-Fetching Aspirations
There's apparently a new trend surfacing in the privileged life of professional athletes: the crappy off-season, low-paying internship. Sure, plenty of athletes over the years have prepared themselves for a life after sports by exploring other opportunities. Many have not....
Yeah, Peyton Doesn't Believe Favre Either
Count Peyton Manning among those who don't buy this whole Brett Favre Is Retiring balderdash. Manning is onto Mr. Favre and his oh, I'm done with the game claptrap....
Use Your Urine To Kill Space Aliens
If you're like us, the art of urinating in a public restroom has become a rote, empty, stale ritual. We mean, come on: You just stand there. Where's the sport in that? Alas, we must now thank the fine people of Belgium for turning the act of urination into the competitive event we've all been beggin...
Media Approval Ratings: Tim McCarver
We're not sure we're going to still be doing these Media Approval Things in October, which is why we have to do Tim McCarver now. Because fans' opinions of McCarver are never more polarized than in October....
Ooof, Stars, That'll Leave a Mark
The NHL Closer is written by five checking-line centers from Melt Your Face Off. When we're not receiving praise for our work ethic, we're taking shots to kill the pain from blocking shots. Raskolnikov momentarily stopped playing along the boards to write this recap....
Some Reports Suggest That The Romo/Simpson Unholy Union Still Lingers
After all of the confidential sources proclaimed last week that, yes, Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson may have possibly ended their shameless romantic relationship for the betterment of all mankind, it appears that there was a temporary reunion for the sake of Ashlee Simpson's shotgun wedding to the e...
John Tomase Spared Any More Online Ridicule For Now
After last Friday's awkwardly (if not sincere) apologizing to readers of the Boston Herald, Patriot fans, Patriot front office, Bill Belichick, Pat Patriot and anyone else who's ever been remotely affiliated with the team, Rams walkthrough bumbler John Tomase did receive a little bit of grace from t...
When Shopping For Fancy Soaps And Duvet Covers, Will Allen Takes No Chances
A confounding incident involving the Miami Dolphins' Will Allen at a Miami Bed, Bath and Beyond parking lot has the veteran cornerback being questioned by local police. There are conflicting stories and it's not entirely clear what the beef was about, but there is some speculation:...
It's Possible Some Bay-To-Breakers Participants May Be Gay
The main reason I no longer attend the San Francisco Bay to Breakers Race; someone has turned the freak dial way too high. Although, I should point out that the group pictured here actually ended up winning the race, beating a Kenyan runner by 22 seconds (may not be true). And while this photo may b...