ing Page 1622 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Media Approval Ratings: Michael Wilbon
Watching the NBA Playoffs the last week or so, it's clear Michael Wilbon has appropriately recovered from his mild heart attack last January. And did you know that his wife gave birth just two months later? Nice work, Wilbon!...
Reviewing The NFL Draft, As If Anybody Knows Anything
Some "experts" — you know, the people who decide who did a great job in a draft mere hours after it was completed and before, uh, anyone so much as puts on more than a hat — were up on the New England Patriots' selections at the NFL Draft this weekend. We couldn't tell you, but we did love any and a...
A Kiper-McShay Draft Day Hair Trade
The shocking Mel Kiper-Todd McShay follicle swap [The Sports Hernia]...
Bron-Shawn Basketball Beef Gets Hip-Hop Glaze
With Game 4 of the Wizards-Cavs series about to tip off in the Verizon Center comes the news via The Washington Post's (Boooooooo!) Wizards Insider blog that the overcooked rivalry between LeBron James and DeShawn Stevenson has extended into the hip-hop arena. It all started with Queen James waving ...
Message To This Kid's Future Defense Attorney: Blame Name or Haircut
This unfortunate youngster, other than being forced by parental duress to sport the bowl cut, was born unto a couple of deranged Spurs fans. How unhinged, exactly? Instead of buying a team photo or something to encapsulate their love for the team, they decided to put the whole roster into their kid'...
1st Round, Eighteenth Overall: Ravens Select Joe Flacco
Joe Flacco came from a bad neighborhood. Audubon, New Jersey, is rougher than the Little Rock with East St. Louis piled on top of it. Flacco graduated from Audubon High School, which is so rough that there are medal detectors in the faculty lounge, where even the math teachers are pumped up muscle m...
1st Round, Fifteenth Overall: Chiefs Select Branden Albert
Oh God. The Lions made a trade. Carl Peterson dangled a shiny object in front of Matt Millen, and now we all have to adjust. This Brandon Albert blog entry will be written in four styles: dense football scouting jargon, lyrically idiotic Jamie Dukes banter, Thomas the Tank Engine narration, and fin...
1st Round, Second Overall: Rams Take Chris Long
Did you know that Chris Long is Howie Long's son? No kidding! The media really has been doing a swell job keeping that tidbit under wraps. Yes, Long is the scion of the Hall of Fame lineman and impeccably-coiffed FOX analysis android. Howie Long was so spectacular in his playing days that a pass ru...
Dolphins Take Jake Long First Overall
Greetings, fellow podium gazers! It's great to be spending Saturday afternoon with you and not my family. And what better way to kick things off but with some four day old news! When we last saw Bill Parcells, he was sitting in the owner's box watching the Dolphins' final game, looking like a late...
Teddy Wins His First Presidents Race!
Only to get disqualified by Screech, the world's most useless mascot, for cutting a corner of the warning track. He was just following Cartman's advice! That's okay, because I found Frank Robinson sitting with me in the bleeds down the right field line. As for the game, the Nats jumped to a lead wi...
Media Approval Ratings: Pam Oliver
We forget, sometimes, just how unstable the life of a broadcast journalist can really be. Witness the following paragraph from Pam Oliver's Wikipedia page....
Media Approval Ratings: Ernie Johnson (Update: Now With Actual VOTING)
After almost universal love tossed in the general direction of the TNT NBA crew, time to look at Ernie Johnson....
Look Deep Into The Gullet Of Joey Chestnut
Actually, he shares the blog with fellow competitive eater Pat Bertoletti, and in the above video, he shows off his training regimen. Yes: He fires himself for eating asparagus by listening to Rob Zombie. Who wouldn't?...
Previewing The Red Wings-Avalanche
The NHL playoffs continue tonight with the Conference Semifinals. The five degenerates over at Melt Your Face Off will preview each matchup....
Brazil's Ballooning Death Count
So, do you remember that time when you did one too many hits off the gravity bong and you decided to a walk outside to get some fresh air, but then you bugged out and ran back inside because you thought you saw a priest being carried away by a bunch of helium party balloons?...
Media Approval Ratings: Tom Jackson
Because it's Draft Week, we're focusing on some NFL guys this week, and we always like to touch on Tom Jackson whenever we have the chance....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
ESPN Upgrades Its Spelling Bee Coverage
Hate to ruin your day, but Mike & Mike are out as hosts of the Scripps National Spelling Bee coverage on ESPN and ABC in May. Taking their place will be the perky Tom Bergeron — whose work on America's Funniest Home Videos was once again overlooked by the Nobel Committee — and a very special sideli...
About Last Night
What you missed while nervously checking your pants every 10 minutes ... • NBA: The Spurs always seem to show up for the playoffs, eh? San Antonio 102, Phoenix 96. • NFL: Shaun is long gone. Sad, really. • MLB: Abreu's power surge supports Yankees' undefeated Wang. Or something like that....