ing Page 1655 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
He Might Get More Votes Than Mike Gravel
You've been blinded by the breathtaking brilliance of Digger Phelps on ESPN for years. Somehow, in the vast barren nation of banality, Phelps has been a beacon of hope and brilliance. So much so that, sheesh, we should elect him President!...
Boxing Just Wants To Host Keggers
Boxing's popularity might be on the wane, to say the least (among white people, anyway), but Roy Jones Jr. is not afraid to be innovative. He's searching everywhere for an untapped base of fans, and he's even willing to join a frat to do it....
Marlins-Nationals Always Brings In The Big Crowds
We know it's the middle of September, and it's still kind of hot out, and everyone's back at work and concentrating on their jobs — really! — so not many have time to just head to Dolphins Stadium and watch two lousy teams play each other. But 400 people? 400? Really?...
Kige Ramsey Is No Sell Out!
It appears our friend Kige is growing larger than we ever could have imagined: He's now doing paid advertisements....
Well, Shoot, Then Just Let Tubby Toss It
Giants dead man walking Tom Coughlin hasn't announced a starter for Sunday's game against the Packers yet, but it seems pretty likely, in the wake of Eli Manning's partially separated shoulder, that Jared Lorenzen is gonna take snaps for the NYG next week. (At least, Chris Mortensen says so, and he'...
Do You Have Irish-Wolverines Fever?
If you didn't get your fill of quality football from that train wreck at Monster Park last night, worry not: You still have the Notre Dame-Michigan game to look forward to this Saturday. Yes, the 0-2 Fighting Irish travel to the 0-2 Wolverines in a game that has all the intrigue of two 80-year-old m...
Do Not Even THINK About An NFL Player Dogfighting
Our pal AJ Daulerio, reporting for Philadelphia magazine, heard a rumor about a potential dogfighting case involving members of the hometown Eagles. Like any diligent reporter, he made a few calls, including one to the Eagles' office, and he found nothing, and reporting nothing. But that wasn't the ...
Gilbert Arenas Wants To Help Your Love Life
During a moment of boredom last week, we caught an episode of that "Tell Me That You Love Me" show on HBO On Demand. We think it might be the most annoying television show we've ever seen. Basically, it's just a bunch of rich white people complaining about How We Just Don't Communicate The Way We Us...
It's Time for Sunday Night Football in U.S. America (This Time on Sunday!)
After getting through Thursday night's season kick-off with John Madden only drawing one penis on the screen, Eli Manning is hoping he'll pick up the slack for this evening's tilt, as Manning's Giants travel to Texas Stadium to wage battle in a manner most NFC East with the Cowboys....
More Late Game Bukkake
San Diego 14, Chicago 3 LaDainian Tomlinson made up for a fallow first half with a flush fantasy second, throwing for one touchdown and rushing for another, but still managing only 25 yards on 17 carries. Tommy Harris can jump offsides all he damn pleases, it's still not making up for a parlous Bear...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you try and watch "Honk If You're Horny" in peace:...
Tomlinson Rushes Not Exactly Like Nike Zoom Commercial
All possessors of the first pick in their fantasy football leagues would like to have a word with LDT at the moment, as the reigning NFL MVP (though Pacman Jones is the raining NFL MVP) has 12 yards on 11 carries in the first half against the Bears....
You Gotta Know When To Hold 'Em...
There's a big underground poker game here in Greenville that I had been trying to get into for months. Last month, somebody robbed it. [Up For Poker]...
Sunday Game Update Bukkake
Apparently the Patriots are good (but we still hate them). Randy Moss hauls in nine for 183 yards and all the white Patriots fans can glory because Wes Welker got in the endzone as well. Did Belichick shake Mangini's hand? Do I care? Well, actually — no, I mean, no....
...AND WE ARE UNDERWAY!
By the way, this is exactly what the games will look like on my TV, but I don't give a shit. Football is finally back! We'll be in and out, and we'll have updates as we go. Enjoy the games, everyone, and check back when the assgrooves in your respective pieces of furniture need a quick breather....
Your One O'Clock Games...Quickly
Some of you have DirecTV. Most of you don't. In that case, here are some of the sweet games the the NFL has deemed your area unworthy to watch....
College GameDay: An Appreciation
Drew wrote a thoughtful piece about ESPN's traveling band of college football analysts that we probably should have run yesterday. I still think it's semi-pertinent since these guys are the exact opposite of the professional counterparts that we'll be tolerating today, who seem to excel at nothing e...
Legislating From The Luxury Box
Before the 1978 season, the NFL's owners passed a shit-ton of rules that were designed to scale back the role of physical contact in the game. Under the new rules packages, wide receivers could not be bumped more than five yards from the line of scrimmage. Offensive lineman were allowed to use your...
A Quick Thought On Fantasy Football (Take 2)
I am in four fantasy leagues this year. Last year I was in eight. I'm also the proud owner of two keeper leagues, in both of which I am commissioner. When someone asked me why I would willingly serve as such a glutton for punishment, I replied simply, "I would rather be the guy in charge."...