ing Page 659 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Let's Dive Deeper Into The Funbag

It’s cruel, in its way: a week after we intermittently entertained a crowd of friendly goofballs in Chicago in a live podcast that many are still calling “perfectly fine, all things considered,” Drew is once again in the same city as the rest of the Deadcast team. And yet, because of his important w...

Fiancée Of White Sox Pitcher Jace Fry Appears To Nuke Their Engagement Via Instagram

White Sox pitcher Jace Fry got his first career start Wednesday, against the Indians. It wasn’t a real start—the White Sox tabbed this one as a bullpen game, and Fry only pitched one inning—but, hey, a career first! Meanwhile, while he and his teammates were out there getting pounded by the Indians,...

If This Really Was Bryce Harper's Last Home Game As A National, VICTOR ROBLES VICTOR ROBLES

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who get misty while reading about Bryce Harper walking around in his uniform more than three hours before what could be his last home game as a National, and those who have no time for sentimentality because they’re too busy drooling over what Victor...

Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record

Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...

Boxer Victor Ortiz Turns Himself In On Rape Charges [Update]

Boxer Victor Ortiz, who has been charged with multiple counts of sexual assault, including “forcible rape,” turned himself in Tuesday, as the Ventura County Star first reported....

Casual Cruelty

Cruelty is so often casual, and crueler for it. On Monday, the New York Times reported that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh used his high school yearbook page to drop an inside joke, naming a female student in a way meant to imply that she had been a sexual conquest for him and his football te...

This Enormous Texan Stumbled Into Basketball, And Now He's Stumbled Into Australian Rules Football Stardom

Mason Cox has a history of getting lured into sports he did not actually play. Organized basketball found him first. At Marcus High School in Texas, he stuck to solely to soccer, a decision that looked slightly stranger after he grew six inches between his junior and senior years and found himself a...

Max Scherzer Just Keeps Making History

Max Scherzer struck out 10 Marlins over seven innings of one-run ball Tuesday night to earn his 18th win of the season. The 10 strikeouts brought Scherzer to an even 300 on the season, the highest season total of Scherzer’s prolific career and just the 36th 300-strikeout season in the majors since 1...

Police Report: Vikings' Everson Griffen Jumped Out Of An Ambulance On His Way To Mental Health Evaluation 

Just two days after the Minnesota Vikings told defensive lineman Everson Griffen that he would not be allowed at practice until he received a mental health evaluation, Griffen was transported to a mental health facility after he threatened to shoot someone at a hotel in Minneapolis and was acting er...

Ass Team Of The Week: The Vikings Reached Hell In 10 Minutes

It’s important to point out early on in this series that a team does not have to actually be ass in order to be the Ass Team Of The Week. A team that is very good in aggregate can still plunge to depths of buttness on any given day, as demonstrated by the Minnesota Vikings. They came into this seaso...

Giuseppe Rossi Faces One-Year Ban After Failed Doping Test [Update]

Here we have the latest depressing update on the great and greatly unlucky career of American-born Italian phenom, Giuseppe Rossi: The striker has tested positive for a banned substance in Italy and faces a one-year ban from the game....

Khris Davis Made His MVP Case

This wasn’t supposed to happen. The Astros were the reigning World Series champions, the Mariners were considered a real contender. The A’s, meanwhile, were “rebuilding.” They weren’t supposed to be good even when they had a Major League–caliber pitching rotation, and then projected Opening Day star...

Report: Vikings Lineman Everson Griffen Threatened To Shoot Someone At Minneapolis Hotel

Everson Griffen missed Sunday’s surprising 27–6 home loss to the Buffalo Bills due to “a personal matter,” according to Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer. According to a report from ABC 5 Eyewitness News, the personal matter was a strange episode at the team’s Minneapolis team hotel Saturday that invol...

Seattle Somehow Reaches New Arena Deal Without Horribly Screwing Generations Of Taxpayers 

The Seattle City Council voted unanimously Monday to approve a plan to let a group of private investors build a new stadium on the site of the current home of the Seattle Storm and the former home of the Seattle Supersonics, as part of a push to land an expansion NHL franchise later this year....

If Matt Hardy's Career Is Over, It's Been A Hell Of A Ride

Last weekend, longtime WWE star Matt Hardy might have taken off his boots for the last time. He also might not have, but he at the very least appeared to announce his retirement in a YouTube video. Explaining that he had worked out a way to fulfill his previously advertised commitments to WWE, Hardy...

A Joke That Would've Been Funny Had It Come Out Of Literally Anyone Else's Mouth

Conservative D.C. Is A Bunch Of Weird-As-Hell Nationals Fans

There’s no reason to know who Ben Hobbs is. He’s one of the anonymous ideology droids that fill Washington D.C.’s less-interesting condominiums, pad out its cocktail parties, and ensure that its steakhouse banquettes never get cold. When Republicans are in power, he will work in government; when the...

The Vikings Are Making Josh Allen Look Like Superman

Rookie QB Josh Allen and the Bills are just inexplicably and completely picking apart the Minnesota Vikings in their game so far this afternoon, jumping out to a 24-0 lead after just one quarter and change. ...

And Now Your Finest Quitting Stories<em></em>

I have never left a job in a huff. I have never stormed out. I have never flipped my boss the double bird. I have never quit a job with proud disregard for the potential consequences. The closest I ever came to such a fever dream was when I quit a legal ad firm after just three weeks on the job, bec...

Add "Not Getting Ejected" To List Of Bryce Harper's Missed Goals For 2018

It’s been a shit year for Bryce Harper, measured against expectations, and even aside from the Nationals being an even bigger disappointment than usual. He came on in the second half, but he’s still gonna finish the year batting around or below .250, and with a growing reputation as a guy who can be...