ing Page 704 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
From John Shuster's Persistence To Rachel Homan's Disappointment, Every Olympic Curler Is On A Journey
Last November, my team played in a World Curling Tour event. Our team couldn’t be considered “competitive”—we play about one such event a year, whereas the good ones are looking at about a dozen weeks a year. We know what we’re doing; we’re just out of shape. Still, we finished 0-3 in our pool and o...
The Vikings Are Clearing The Deck Of Quarterbacks To Go After Kirk Cousins
There’s an old, dumb, incorrect football saying that goes, “If you have two quarterbacks, you have none.” Well, the Vikings this season had three quarterbacks. And now, it appears, they actually do have none....
NBC Only Aired 60% Of The Winter Games Closing Ceremony Last Night, So Here's The 40% You Missed
As usual, NBC’s tape-delayed Olympic closing ceremony broadcast left much of the festivities on the editing room floor. More than 51 minutes, to be exact, or 40% of the overall show. Here’s some of what the Peacock Network decided was beneath you; a sped-up version of everything you missed is in the...
Lovable Large Boy Kyle Schwarber Is No Longer Large
Cubs slugger Kyle Schwarber, the big burly lad who everyone loves, spent the offseason trying to get ripped. It appears that he succeeded:...
Fucking Carl Died? Oh Hell Yeah.
The Walking Dead, a show that has been on for as long as I’ve been alive, had its mid-season premiere (totally made-up thing) last night, and guess what? Fucking Carl ate it!...
Ronda Rousey Beat Up Her Boss On The First Day At Her New Job
Ronda Rousey’s first words in a WWE ring were “It’s hard to even know what to say.” It was not a good start to her wrestling career. They’re supposed to give you something to say! ...
England's Lazy Sack Of Crap Racing Snails Refuse To Race In The Cold
Newsflash: it’s cold in England. It’s also winter. And we’re not even talking about true cold, here: in the range of 32 degrees Fahrenheit, with overnight temperatures in the teens. Mehhhhhh. For point of reference, at the opening ceremony of the 2018 Winter Olympics, in Pyeongchang, temperatures fe...
Mirai Nagasu Apologizes For Wild Comments Made After Disappointing Free Skate
Hey, remember that unhinged interview Mirai Nagasu gave following her bafflingly poor free skate performance? The one where Nagasu framed the fucking Olympics as an audition for Dancing With the Stars? The one where she threw her teammates under the bus? What the hell happened there?...
Austrian Cross-County Skier Running Second Makes Wrong Turn, Finishes Ninth
Of all the ways of failing to medal in a grueling 30-kilometer cross-country race, Austrian Olympian Teresa Stadlober certainly discovered the most excruciatingly regrettable: She got lost. She took a wrong friggin’ turn and got lost. Per the Associated Press:...
Olympian Haley Anderson Ranks The Buoyancy Of Olympic Heroes
Two-time Olympic open swimmer Haley Anderson knows a thing or two about buoyancy, but how does she feel about the buoyancy of, say, Olympic curler Matt Hamilton? Or Aja Evans? Or the relative merits of the Williams sisters versus the Knowles sisters? It truly takes an Olympian to bring clarity to th...
This Is The Most Metal Closing Ceremony Of All Time
For exclusive videos, pictures, and more, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Send us your confidential tips at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, contact our writers directly, or use our anonymous SecureDrop system....
Kerri Walsh Jennings Ranks Olympians As Volleyball Prospects
Kerri Walsh Jennings is a five-time Olympian volleyballer and three-time Olympic gold medalist. Here her expertise is directed to the task of ranking things, including the volleyball potential of other U.S. Olympians, and other people whose names are some form of “Kerri.” Enjoy!...
Report: Vile Pharma Dipshit Martin Shkreli Now Has Prison Muscles
When he was just a pasty nerd, out here defrauding investors and exponentially increasing the price of important drugs, I feel very certain that I could’ve taken Martin Shkreli. Now I am less sure, and let me tell you, it’s a sickening feeling:...
United States Wins First-Ever Curling Gold On John Shuster's Fiver
A brilliant eighth-end hammer delivery by U.S.A. skip John Shuster turned a 5-5 nailbiter into a 10-5 lead that the Americans held onto through the final two ends en route to beating Sweden 10-7 and claiming their first-ever gold medal in curling, and only the second medal ever for the U.S. in the s...
Ester Ledecká Wins Snowboard Parallel Giant Slalom, Is First Winter Olympian To Win Two Different Sports At Same Olympics
Ester Ledecká, who basically won Super-G in alpine skiing by accident on a pair of borrowed skis, claimed gold in her primary event as the Czech sailed to the finish of the snowboard parallel giant slalom well ahead of silver medalist Selina Joerg....
Amy Van Dyken Ranks The Swim Strokes, For Once And For All
Amy Van Dyken has six Olympic gold medals in swimming, so who better than her to finally settle the debate that has stymied mankind since life first tetrapod-paddled up onto dry land. Which swimming stroke is the best??...
These Weird Muffled Versions Of Old Songs Are Really Doing It For Me
Press play on this video and close your eyes:...
Do You Use A Top Sheet, Or Are You A Disgusting Heathen?
Earlier this week, Kara Haupt of The New Yorker sent out an edition of her email newsletter under the subject line “Sleeping with Men,” focusing on the fact that many adult men apparently do not use a top sheet. Just a fitted sheet and a comforter and nothing in between, making for a situation that ...
How To Go Backpacking In The Winter And Actually Have A Good Time
Just because the mercury has dropped below freezing and appears stuck there until spring, it’s no reason not to explore the outdoors. Let’s talk about how you, the fearful and apartment-bound city dweller, can get outside and embrace the cold....