ink Page 84 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bela Karolyi Wants to Train Your Babies
Famed U.S. Olympic gymnastics coach Bela Karolyi is not a fan of little girls. At least not ones who can beat his team in the Olymics. Karolyi is raising a fuss about the ages of the Chinese gymnast, claiming that they do not appear to be the competition legal age of 16. Clearly the world's most fam...
Jimmy Clausen's Drinking Game Prowess Prompts Investigation By Notre Dame
Jimmy Clausen is the starting quarterback for Notre Dame. Last year he, along with the entire team, had a horrible season. Which was disappointing because Clausen, the nation's consensus top quarterback, committed to Notre Dame in such an understated fashion: By pulling up in a limo to the College ...
That's A Stanley Cup You Can Keep
Every team that wins the Stanley Cup parties hard with the Holy Grail. The Detroit Red Wings are no different, even if they've been a little rough with the trophy. Most teams, however, don't allow family members to shit in it, as Kris Draper did....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its boldest, cleverest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Barbados's National Soccer Team Is Accepting Applications
True story: Once, when I went to Barbados on business, I made such a good first impression that my customer asked me if I wanted to marry his daughter, move permanently to the island, work for him, and have a place of my own to live. Sight unseen, I had to respectfully decline, but also because I wa...
To Watch Tonight
Yes, but they left an excellent tip ... • Boxing: Light middleweights, Sechew Powell vs. Deandre Latimore, at New York (9 p.m., ET). Always bet on the boxer whose first name sounds like someone sneezed. [ESPN2]. • MLB: Atlanta at Chicago Cubs (8 p.m., ET). That Cubs' swoon is way behind schedule. [E...
The Gateway Grizzlies Will Clog Your Arteries If It's The Last Thing They Do
The team that gave you "Baseball's Best Burger" — a bacon cheeseburger with a Krispy Kreme doughnut used as a bun, has done it again. Now available at the Gateway Grizzlies concession area: Baseball's Best Soft Pretzel. And finally, that fifth doctor surrenders. Now five out of five doctors agree th...
University Of Nevada's Football Players Lack Adequate Driver Designation Skills
Here's a brilliant display of a group of collegiate athletes woeful abandonment of alcohol-imbibing responsibility, as three University of Nevada football players were pinched over the Memorial Day weekend for DUIs, including senior wide receiver, Mike McCoy, pictured holding the ball in a less ine...
Virtual Binge-Drinking To Become Latest Gaming Trend
Do you still long for the competitive nature of drinking games, but no longer enjoy slamming plastic cups full of warm, shitty beer or have been forced to remove your ping pong table from the dining room by your shrewish wife? Well, the gaming universe has finally answered your prayers: Beer Pong fo...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Steely McDrunky
In even more startling DUI news, Pittsburgh police have arrested one of the men who played Pittsburgh Steelers horrifying mascot, Steely McBeam....
Um, Someone Tell The Italian Sausage That He's Doing It Wrong
Hey, they told me that there would be no food allowed on the ski lift. Thank you Home Run Derby, for making us laugh at costumed baseball mascots attempting winter sports once again....
Would You Hire This Man To Sell Your Underwear?
So word is that Calvin Klein is driving hard to the basket, trying to lure Tom Brady as their underwear model/spokesman. For seven figures. Wow. Do I want to live in a world where Tom Brady makes more for underwear modeling than Heidi Klum?...
About Last Night
What you missed while pleading with the suicidal moose not to jump ... • MLB: Roger Clemens' approval ratings now lower than Dick Cheney's. • College basketball: Come on, Indiana, make up your mind. Do you want your players choked, or do you want them illegally recruited? I kind of vote for choked. ...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Fake Tats Are An Excellent Recruiting Tool
In today's smash-mouth world of college football recruiting, desperate times call for desperate measures, and desperate measures call for temporary tattoos. That's just the way it is....
Tony Romo Thinks He Can Do Better
Good news, fellows ... Jessica Simpson may soon be available. So for Heaven's sake start wearing collared shirts! (Preferably popped.) Word is that Tony Romo would like to dump her ... only she's not going easily. Hmm. Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction comes to mind here for some reason....
Happy Championship Sunday!
Ladies and gentlemen, start your countdown. We're now just eight hours away from kickoff in the first game of the NFL's Championship Sunday. Things get underway at 3 pm eastern when San Diego will call the toss in Foxborough, and with any luck the game will still be competitive at 3:30. Once that's ...
Dana Jacobson Has The Sole Appropriate Reaction To The Mike And Mike Roast
Last Friday night, they held that "Mike And Mike Celebrity Roast" thing in Atlantic City. It was about as entertaining as you'd expected it to be, according to the Press Of Atlantic City. (No offense to Trey Wingo, but when you host half the show, and the other half is hosted by Jeffrey Ross, you're...