irs Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Anyone Mad At LeBron James For Dadding Out Never Played AAU
At an AAU tournament when I was 16, just minutes before my third game of the day, I ate three slices of pizza and drank a sugar-free Red Bull. I nearly threw up twice during the game, but I got shots up and hit six threes. I think we won that game, but I don’t remember. I don’t remember anyone even ...
Let The Alligator Throw The First Pitch
Chance the Snapper—a Chicago alligator who gained fame last week when he was first noticed living in the Humboldt Park lagoon—was taken into custody Tuesday morning by reptile expert Frank Robb, who was hired specifically to grab the creature. Before he was apprehended, the 5-foot-3 Chance captured ...
Atlantic League Batter Steals First, Makes Baseball History
Around the time that robot umpires were brought in to help officiate the Atlantic League All-Star Game, Major League Baseball and the independent league’s front office decided to tack on a few more rules to experiment with for the second half of the season. Among them included an expansion on the cu...
Stephen A. Smith Says Kevin Durant Says Stephen A. Smith's Kevin Durant Reports Are Bullshit
Stephen A. Smith shared three spicy Kevin Durant reports on Wednesday’s episode of First Take. The least spicy of the three (since it’s three years old, now) had Durant, entering unrestricted free agency in the summer of 2016, telling several Thunder teammates to their faces that he would not be lea...
LaVar Ball Reappears On <i>First Take </i>After Lonzo's Trade, Makes Molly Qerim Uncomfortable
Now that Lonzo Ball has been traded to the New Orleans Pelicans, LaVar Ball has reemerged from what was a pleasant absence to loudly boast about his son and be rude to female TV hosts. Today, he acted a little creepy toward Molly Qerim on First Take....
Chicago Photographer Heroically Avoids Being Retraumatized By Ugly First Pitch
Just a couple of weeks ago, Chicago photographer Darren Georgia narrowly avoided a serious bump on his face during a ceremonial first pitch gone awry. Mere milliseconds after his flash captured a White Sox fan’s once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Georgia’s camera found itself the victim of what was eit...
Competitive Musical Chairs Is New York's Friendliest Contact Sport
While holding up the remains of a wooden chair that had just been smashed to pieces, a woman yelled, “I got a splinter in my butt!” A referee wearing black and white stripes hustled over with a new chair and placed it on the grass, reconstituting the circle of chairs that was just broken. An impatie...
Donald Trump Wants This More Than Anything
Donald Trump’s taste is difficult to describe. You know it when you see it, but that’s not quite the same thing as knowing what it is. If you’re looking at a tufted velvet settee that looks like one of Michael Jackson’s bedazzled military-style blazers from the Dangerous tour, you are looking at So...
We've A New Contender For The Title Of Worst Ceremonial First Pitch Of All Time
The look on the face White Sox pitcher Evan Marshall, doing the catching for the ceremonial first pitch ahead of Tuesday night’s Royals-White Sox game, tells you something. That is not the expression of a man who has a lot of confidence in the person doing the hurling. That expression says this may ...
Can You Eat A Full Meal Without Drinking Any Liquid?
Today, we’re talking about weed, toilet paper, golf, fucking to John Tesh, and more....
Magic Johnson Visits <i>First Take</i>, Talks A Whole Bunch Of Shit About Lakers GM Rob Pelinka
Former Los Angeles Lakers president and current Twitter user Magic Johnson joined ESPN’s First Take this morning to talk about his embarrassing exit from the team, the sorry state of the franchise headed into a critical summer, and the confusing power structure within the organization. Johnson doesn...
Stephen A. Smith Defends The Honor Of Co-Host And Alleged Farter Max Kellerman
Stephen A. Smith isn’t the prime suspect in the First Take Fart Mystery, but he’s still getting grilled for it. On Smith’s radio show Thursday, a caller started off with a comment about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but turned it into a thought on Max Kellerman’s allegedly stinky rear....
Who Farted On <i>First Take</i>?
Here it is, the only reason to ever discuss First Take in a serious manner. During a characteristically loud discussion about Kevin Durant in Monday’s episode, it very much sounded like someone coughed as a maneuver to cover up a fart. But who was the culprit?...
Jim Irsay Moves Goalposts On "G.O.A.T." Debate In A Way That Conveniently Discounts The Patriots' Accomplishments
Despite the recent success of a New England-based franchise, there are plenty of people who will still argue over which NFL team is the greatest of all time. Is it the Cowboys from the ‘90s, or the Joe Montana-led 49ers of the ‘80s? Are the Patriots better in their current form, or was their team fr...
Let's Just Keep Doing This Shit Forever!
There’s no sense in waiting for it at this point. The New England Patriots, who have been shitting up the mid-winter for sports fans throughout this entire terrible millennium, are not remotely close to going away, not any more than, say, measles or famine are close to going away. They’re a problem,...
What The Hell Is Jim Irsay Saying Here?
Here’s my best attempt at transcribing the speech that maniacal Colts owner Jim Irsay gave after his team’s wild-card win over the Texans:...
The Sad, Short Story Of The First Responder Bowl
We all had this day circled on our calendars, because this is the day that Boston College and Boise State were set to meet in the big game—the one we’ve all been waiting for, the one that kept us awake last night: the First Responder Bowl. I regret to inform you that the First Responder Bowl has bee...
I Don't Think Stephen A. Smith Watches Much Football
On this morning’s First Take, an ESPN show for people who really should have slept in, Stephen A. Smith broke down tonight’s Chargers-Chiefs throwdown by reminding us to keep an eye on Spencer Ware (out with a foot injury), Hunter Henry (out since May with a torn ACL), and Derrick Johnson (no longer...
Stephen A. Smith And Will Cain Debate About Debating
The only way First Take can ever feel genuine or unscripted is when its loudmouths end up talking shop on air. Stephen A. Smith, a sputtering whoopee cushion that can be palpated to produce sports-adjacent commentary, got into it with milquetoast chud Will Cain on today’s show....
Profusely Sweaty Michael Irvin Had To Be Wiped Down While Screaming About The Cowboys On <i>First Take</i><em></em>
With the Cowboys playing the Titans tonight, former Dallas receiver and current TV loudmouth Michael Irvin was on First Take this morning, and goddamn, was he sweaty. Despite the best efforts of the production crew, he continued to glisten throughout the segment....