it Page 1079 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ned Yost Warns Trainer Not To Lose His ALCS Ring During Rectal Exams
The Kansas City Royals received their 2014 AL Championship rings before opening the season against the White Sox yesterday, and manager Ned Yost had some helpful advice for the team’s head athletic trainer. ...
Eden Hazard Is Showing England What A Great Player Can Look Like
Much of what fuels England’s rabid, explosively celebratory, often masochistic, sometimes even violent devotion to soccer is the country’s unique interpretation of the game. Their love of direct attacks, sliding-karate-kick tackles, and ceaseless running almost compels teams into wide-open matches w...
Lawrence Tynes Sues Buccaneers Over Career-Ending MRSA Infection
Lawrence Tynes hasn’t kicked in the NFL since suffering an MRSA infection in his toe in August 2013, while he was with the Buccaneers. Today he made it clear he blames the team for the infection and the end of his football career, as he filed a lawsuit against the Buccaneers, seeking $35 million in...
UFC Hires Former IRS Shitbag, Presumably To Oppress Its Athletes
The UFC, lately embarrassed by its fighters failing a lot of drug tests, has hired shitbag/former IRS agent Jeff Novitzky, best known as beloved baseball legend Barry Bonds’s persecutor, to be its “Vice President of Athlete Health and Performance.” This seems like a high-falutin’ and more than faint...
Proof That Major League Baseball Has a Drug Testing Program
I was surprised to read that Minnesota Twins pitcher Ervin Santana was served an 80-game suspension for using the PED Stanozolol, because I didn't know Major League Baseball had a drug testing program. ...
Can You Pass The F.B.I.'s Fitness Exam?
For the first time in 16 years, the F.B.I. is checking to make sure all its agents stay in some semblance of shape. While all agents are required to go through a fairly vigorous fitness exam when they first join the bureau, the New York Times reports that the F.B.I. ended their once-mandatory annual...
Matt Stafford Traveled Through Time To 2005 And Got Married
Lions quarterback Matt Stafford got married over the weekend—congratulations to the happy couple!—and based on pictures that were taken at the event, it appears that he and his wedding party managed to travel through time and hold the ceremony in 2005, the last time trucker hats were a thing....
11 Pitches, Three Hit Batters: The Day Dock Ellis Went To War
The following is excerpted from Dock Ellis in the Country of Baseball, by Donald Hall. It is reprinted here with the author's permission....
The Anarchist Of Summer: A D.C. Rabble Rouser Returns To Baseball
Adam Eidinger has gone right at City Hall, the Republican and Democratic Parties, the war machine, the World Bank, the DEA, countless developers, and, most famously, Major League Baseball. His fights tend to end with him getting his ass kicked—and not just figuratively. ...
Keith Law Will Find You If You Repost His ESPN Insider Articles
As an ESPN Insider, Keith Law has his articles tucked behind a paywall. You need a subscription to get those MLB nuggets. A couple of Braves fans on Reddit who wanted to read about the latest trade tried to circumvent the Insider tag by posting the article for everyone to read. Law tracked them down...
Joakim Noah Will Always Be There To Shit-Talk LeBron James
One of the most endearing things about Joakim Noah is his continued insistence on just not having it with LeBron James and whatever team James happens to be on. There was the time he called out James for his dancing in the middle of a game, the time he called the Heat “Hollywood as hell,” and there...
Last Night's <i>Mad Men</i>, With The Dialogue Removed
Mad Men's final season began last night (technically, this is part two of the final season, but nobody really buys that), and while the visuals (Roger's mustache! Don's lonely apartment!) and Matthew Weiner's dialogue tend to get most of the attention from critics and viewers alike, there's a grea...
"An Absolute Shit Show": Tales From The Wrigley Field Bathroom Lines
Despite the Cubs’ increasingly emphatic insistence otherwise, Wrigley Field was not ready for opening day. Even beyond the expected absence of bleachers, the stadium’s infrastructure was apparently overwhelmed by the gameday crowd, with bathroom lines stretching through the concourse and back out i...
Shaun Livingston Swings His Arm Into Dirk Nowitzki's Junk
Hmmm. Shaun Livingston is not someone you typically associate with goonish behavior, but here’s Livingston taking a swing at Dirk Nowitzki’s brat and two veg during the Mavs-Warriors game Saturday night. ...
Andrew Harrison Apologizes To Frank Kaminsky
In the very early hours of the morning, Kentucky’s Andrew Harrison apologized for muttering “Fuck that nigga” when Wisconsin’s Frank Kaminsky came up at a post-game presser last night. ...
Kentucky's Andrew Harrison On Frank Kaminsky: "Fuck That Nigga"
Kentucky’s Andrew Harrison is not a particularly big fan of Wisconsin’s Frank Kaminsky, and expressed that fact on a more-sensitive-than-he-thought mic during the postgame press conference. The full thought sounds like “Fuck that nigga, oh my god” to me. ...
The Story Of The Game, In Photos Of John Calipari
Poor John....
Charlie Adam Scores Goal Of The Season From His Own Half
Just when you get fed up with the rash tackles and misplaced Hollywood balls, Charlie Adam goes and scores the most Charlie Adam goal possible....
Wayne Rooney Perfection Gives Man United The Advantage They Need
Don’t look now—and Aston Villa may still find the equalizer, having scored just a minute after this—but Wayne Rooney is up to his usual tricks, with a physics-defying touch followed by a half-volley on the rise, between two defenders. The full video, with perfect commentary, is below:...
Cheez Whiz And Grape Jelly: What's Your Weirdest Eating Habit?
Pickles and ice cream are for amateurs, man. Peanut butter and American cheese sandwiches, hold the bread—that's how you do vile food pairings in style....