it Page 1180 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Joe Maddon Calls In Medicine Man To Fix The Rays
The Tampa Bay Rays have the worst record in a professional sports league that includes the New York Mets, The Chicago Cubs, and the Houston Astros. Forget outside the box, they need to get as far away from it as humanly possible to think themselves out of this mess. Joe Maddon bringing in a Seminole...
Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts
Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's interna...
Robert Duvall: An American Hero, Or At Least An American Man
Careening down the road behind the wheel of a sturdy old Cadillac, Robert Duvall makes his intent clear: "I want some singin' and dancin'. And a woman. I want me a woman." With little more than a sharp tongue, pink and frequently squirming loose in anticipation, the weather-beaten octogenarian bulli...
1,500 Bricks Of Heroin Seized At House Owned By Former Steeler
Pittsburgh police officers made a huge heroin bust at a home owned by former Steelers defensive back Deshea Townsend. Two men were arrested at the house, and police seized 1,500 bricks of heroin, 16 guns, $100,000 in cash, two luxury cars, jewelry, and a live chicken. Live chicken!...
Royals Fans In Cat Singlets Give Derek Jeter The Tribute He Deserves
The Derek Jeter Farewell Tour has thus far proven itself to be a breeding ground for fan-made signs that make us want to vomit. So it was refreshing to see two weirdo Royals fans, either knowingly or unknowingly, poking a little fun at the whole spectacle and building a tribute to Jeter around match...
Cody Cepeda and his cold, dead eyes beat Tom Asta yesterday in Battle At The Berrics VII, S to S-K-A-T-E. Cepeda's coup de grace was a nollie halfcab double flip. He enters the final four as the the only "Joe," or non-sponsored skater, in the "Pros Vs. Joes" contest. The last rounds will be livestr...
Royals Ball Boy Fields Fair Ball, Compensates For It In The Best Way
Look at that face. That's the face of a kid dealing with screwing up on TV during an MLB game. Today, Royals Ball Boy scooped up Brian Roberts's fair ball, unwittingly turning the play into a ground-rule double for the Yankees. Thankfully, the tale of Royals Ball Boy doesn't end there....
This Guy Will Be Representing England In The Marathon
If you've ever been fat, lazy, addicted to cigs and junk food or old, or if you have a job, you might find Steve Way's story inspiring. ...
St. Gregory's University President Defends Athletic Director
SGU president D. Gregory Main has released a statement on the firing of cross country and track and field coach Matt Aguero. Unsurprisingly, Main claims it's Aguero who "unethically violated" Athletic Director Dr. Jeff Potter's right to be a babbling idiot with insensitive and antiquated views on th...
Jim Rutherford Is A Safe And Sorry Choice For Penguins GM
The Pittsburgh Penguins have officially ended their 21-day general manager search, naming Jim Rutherford as the man in charge of fixing a team as talented as it is poorly constructed. The old boys' network strikes again....
My God, Don't Rub Oranges On Your White Dress Shirts
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her. ...
Blues Brothers: Why Jack White And Patrick Carney Won't Shut Up
"I hear ads where the music's ripping off my sound, to the point I think it's me," Jack White told Rolling Stone recently. "Half the time, it's the Black Keys."...
After I Self-Destruct: The Diminishing Skills Of 50 Cent
The first words out of 50 Cent's mouth on Animal Ambition, his first new album in five years, are "I woke up this morning, this is insane / Rich as a motherfucker and ain't much changed / Open my eyes, no surprise, I'm with a different bitch / Different day, different ass, different tits." The miso...
This Dude's Soccer Trick Shots Will Blow Your Mind
Trick shot artist Rémi Gaillard has a new World Cup-themed video out, and oh man is this dude good at soccer trick shots. I would wager that he is better at this than any of us will ever be at anything....
Definitive Proof That God Is Swiss
When the World Cup groups were drawn in December, many of the top seeds—Brazil, Spain, Germany, Argentina—were perennial giants. A few—Colombia, Uruguay, Belgium—raised a few eyebrows for, if nothing else, their novelty as a world superpower. One country in particular, Switzerland, didn't seem to be...
Poor Chris Bosh Had To Take Two Showers After Last Night's Game
Game 1 of the NBA finals was hot and miserable for everyone involved, and some of the players continued to be hot and miserable even after the game was over. One of those poor souls was Chris Bosh....
Still Some Doubts On The Rio Roosevelt
One hundred years ago, our most badass, National Park-making president, Teddy Roosevelt, staggered out of the steaming Brazilian jungle, barely alive, after descending the uncharted, rapids-choked River of Doubt. There was no longer doubt as to the river's dangers, so it was renamed Rio Roosevelt....
NBA Players' Union Calls Lack Of A/C "Completely Unacceptable"
About midway through the third quarter, Spurs Sports & Entertainment released a thoroughly unsatisfying statement about the broken air conditioning at the AT&T Center. It read:...
Unlucky Norichika Aoki Gets Hit In Head With Throw Back To Mound
Royals outfielder Nori Aoki has had an odd string of bad luck recently. He's swung at a terrible pitch, received a foul ball to the dick, and now, he's taken Yadier Molina's throw back to the mound to his dome....