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LeBron James Gets Engaged, Preemptively Breaks His New Year's Resolution To Stop Being So Tacky
LeBron proposed to his long-time girlfriend, Savannah Brinson, at a joint New Year's Eve and King James birthday celebration last night. And she said yes! How romantic....

Jason Taylor Says Goodbye To Miami Fans With Message On His Forehead
Oh, sorry—that's a billboard. My mistake. Moving on, Taylor announced earlier this week that today's game would be his last. As has become custom in sports, the retiree is the one who gives thanks on his way out and Taylor is no different....

This Guy Died This Year: George Shearing, Music's Original Hipster Taste
Jack Kerouac was into George Shearing before it was cool to be into George Shearing (or into Jack Kerouac, for that matter). Kerouac wrote a great deal about the near-orgasmic experience of listening to jazz, and one of his more notable passages on the subject appears in On the Road. It's drawn fr...

ShortCenter: ESPN Shows Us Its Tail Lights
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

A Gestural Analysis Of The Miami Heat's Intro Video (In Which Everyone Looks Like A French Sailor)
The over-produced NBA team introduction video is an unfortunate but often hilarious fact of life now, and we may as well accept its extravagance and pyrotechnics as such. But not every team is the Miami Heat, and not every team's introduction video calls to mind the hip-hop super-group music video...

A Holiday Public-Urination Story To Warm Your Heart
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed. Image by Jim Cooke....

ShortCenter: Jalen Rose Gets Emphatic About the Heat, Then Asks You Out
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Four Players Since Week 10 Have Won Defensive Player Of The Week After Facing The Jets
The Daily News points out a common thread in one of the NFL's weekly awards:...

Soon, ESPN Will Be Nothing But 24 Hours Of People Disagreeing With Skip Bayless
You should read Richard Deitsch on Dana Jacobson's defenestration from ESPN's First Take—as a co-host, she was to Skip Bayless what Dave Garroway was to his pet chimp—but you should really read this ESPN interview with First Take producer Jamie Horowitz, which is a stupid little fractal of everythin...

Cam Newton Blames JaMarcus Russell And Vince Young For The Disrespect He Gets
We wrote a bit yesterday about how Panthers QB/super-rookie Cam Newton has been shortchanged by the national media. We framed it through the prism of Tim Tebow, although Newton deserves plenty of recognition in his own right....

LaMichael James Rides Space Mountain Roller Coaster, Looks Completely Terrified
Your morning roundup for Dec. 28, the day we learned they're onto us. Photo courtesy Kegs 'N Eggs, via Larry Brown Sports. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Devin Harris Left A Footprint On Some Lady's Face
The courtside seats for Lakers games are usually an opportunity to see faces of the rich and famous, but it was two other faces that got the attention during the Utah-Los Angeles battle Tuesday night at Staples Center: the one belonging to a young woman who got up close and personal with Devin Har...

The Mets Are Trying To Stop R.A. Dickey From Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro
Dickey, the Mets' knuckleballing ace, wrote on NYTimes.com that Hemingway inspired him to climb Kilimanjaro, the 19,341-foot Tanzanian peak. He's taking the climb to raise awareness of teenage prostitution in Mumbai....

Even Santa Claus, Drink In Hand, Heckled LeBron James On Christmas Day
Hey, he had worked his ass off the night before, and he was really looking forward to going to the Mavs' opener, what with it being a Finals rematch and all. Can you blame him for wanting to clean up his beard, kick back with a gin and tonic, and let off a little steam? [That NBA Lottery Pick]...

LeBron James Spent His Offseason Dunking On Small Children: A Video Compilation
The end of the NBA lockout meant one thing (aside from a massive upward redistribution of wealth from the players to the owners): no more videos of LeBron James dunking on kids. But, to celebrate his return this afternoon, let's enjoy them one last time....

Brandon Jacobs To Rex Ryan: "It's Time To Shut Up, Fat Boy"
Eh, it just might be. Jets lost to Jacobs's Giants, 29-14. [via Mike Garafolo]...

The Dennis Erickson Era At Arizona State, Encapsulated In One Play
Arizona State fired head football coach Dennis Erickson almost a month ago, but allowed him to coach the team through the end of the season—including tonight's Las Vegas Bowl matchup against Boise State. If there's any play that demonstrates the futility of the Sun Devils under Erickson's tutelage...

Dutch Soccer Has A Fan Problem
Predictably, in the aftermath of AZ Alkmaar keeper Esteban Alvarado being attacked by a fan, defending himself, then being sent off, the focus is on Alvarado's and the referee's actions. The Dutch FA has ruled that while the referee was correct in showing a red card, Alvarado will not receive the ma...

Twitter Is Driving Everybody Insane (Especially Darren Rovell)
Will Leitch, contributing editor at New York Magazine and editor emeritus of Deadspin, is filling in for Drew Magary on today's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Leitch has written four books. Find more of his business at his Twitter feed....

Dutch Cup Match Halted After Fan Attacks Opposing Goalkeeper Who Gets Red-Carded For Fighting Back
In American football, players who take down fans who invade the field during play are celebrated....