ja Page 653 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Just Give Your Car Keys To Aaron Brooks And He'll Park It For You
Either the Houston Rockets veterans had a little fun with Aaron Brooks this weekend or he forgot to bring his ventriloquist dummy to the post-game press conference....

Allison Stokke Is Now Open For Business
Yesterday, a ridiculously predictable press release came in from Spike TV about their "Guys Choice Awards" and one of the categories was for "Sexiest Athlete." Guess who's nominated?...

Ballpark Hot Dogs Served On A Bed Of Boobs
You haven't enjoyed a SkyDome (now and forever) hot dog until you've done so out of the bountiful cleavage of a female Blue Jays fan in the third deck. [Total Pro Sports]...

Why Did Kareem Only Hustle In The Playoffs?
Can statistics prove that the NBA regular season is a tedious neverending slog that not even the lazy players can be bothered to care about? [Slate]...

Jason Whitlock Continues To Go After Selena Roberts
Jason Whitlock is mercilessly destroying Selena Roberts for her A-Rod book. First it was in his Kansas City Star column, calling her untrustworthy thanks to her Duke lacrosse coverage. Now, the Dan Patrick show......

Warm Your Butt In The Dice-K Memorial Bathrooms
The Boston Red Sox paid the Seibu Lions $51.1 million for the right to take Daisuke Matsuzaka off their hands. So what did they do with the money? New toilet seats for everyone!...

And The 2009 Brian Baldinger Award Goes To...Torry Holt
The former Rams' wide receiver instills confidence in his catching ability in front of a confused Jacksonville press corps. [With Leather]...

MVP Award May Finally Earn LeBron James Some Publicity
The Plain-Dealer says LeBron James will be named the MVP today. He also wins a new Kia, which is awesome because I hear his Datsun pickup is rusted out. [Cleveland Plain-Dealer]...

A Weird, Random Thursday Night Spent With The Hipster Grifter, Devoted Utah Jazz Fan
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap. (PHOTO: Will Sherman/AnimalNY)...

Jason Whitlock's Getting Antsy Again
Jason Whitlock, Fox Sports' professional contrarian and TRUTH-teller, playfully addresses Matt Vasgersian's MLB announcer awkwardness and declares himself "Racial Apology Czar." Oh, and he attacks Deadspin again....

NASCAR Still Dealing With Its Talladega Identity Crisis
I'm not sure if everyone has weighed in on the Carl Edwards restrictor plate mess, but there's been enough chatter from drivers past and present to show that everyone involved in racing has an opinion....

I'm Kobe Bryant, And I'm Taking Over This Motion Picture
Spike Lee is denying the whole thing, but the New York Post is telling the tale of how Kobe Bryant supposedly hijacked Lee's documentary of him to present himself in the best possible light....

Jayson Williams Hospitalized, "Suicidal"
Yes, it's the Jayson Williams you're thinking of. The former New Jersey Net was arrested and hospitalized this morning after tearing up a hotel room and acting "violent" and "suicidal." So he's not doing well?...

Jacoby Ellsbury's Steal Of Home Turns Well-Meaning Boston Dads Into Smiling Pimps
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap. (Photo: Bugs And Cranks)...

Tyson Jackson, Go Directly To KC
The city loves its steak, but hopefully they're fine with chicken. It looked like not many saw defensive end Tyson Jackson going in this pick, but what the heck do I know?...

Wait, Which Jason Smith?
There's one that plays hockey, one that plays baseball, one that plays basketball, there's about five guys on IMDB with that name, and three gynecologists with that name....

Jay Cutler's Late Night Activities Prompt Furious Debate
Bears' general manager Jerry Angelo isn't worried about Jay Cutler's drinking . Former punky QB Jim McMahon says "It's the off season!" And now for Julia Allison's side of the story....

Gary Bettman Does Not Appreciate Your Octopus-Throwing Antics
A Red Wings fan throwing an octopus on the Columbus Blue Jackets home ice? Sir, this will not stand! (Scuffle ensues — see photo)....

Crack The F—king Skye. Your 2009 NFL Draft Jamboroo
The NFL Draft is this weekend, so time for a special offseason edition of Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo. Enjoy....