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Tribune Kills Mariotti Talks As A Thankful Populace Rejoices
Attention, residents of Chicago: Jay Mariotti will not be coming to the Tribune. We repeat: Will NOT be employed there. This is official. (Wary citizens emerge from concrete bunkers, shielding eyes from the sun as "all clear" siren sounds). Although he proved as hard to kill as the evil robot in Ter...

Game-Worn US Olympic Basketball Jerseys Up For Auction
Bidding is up and running now and will continue until September 30. But break out the checkbooks and keep adding zeroes. Already Kobe Bryant's jersey has nine bids and is up to $1,600. Women's team jerseys will also be up for auction. Surprisingly, they aren't fetching as high of bids now. You can'...

DeSean Jackson's End Zone Brainfartery Will Be Overlooked — For Now
Yes, last night was disappointing in many ways, but it has not completely killed my faith: I still like my team. If anything, last night's Eagles/Cowboys game proved that Donovan McNabb is fully-recovered and that DeSean Jackson, Philadelphia's own Barack Obama, is still on pace to be the greatest E...

Jay Cutler, Diabetic, Shills for McDonald's
The commercial was filmed in June of 2008 and has recently started airing on Denver television. This means the commercial was filmed after Cutler realized he had diabetes. The commercial combines the hilarity of the Coors Light press conference commercials (read:none) but adds an annoying little ki...

For These Prices I Could Send My Car To Summer Camp. Am I Right, Folks?
So why is price gouging illegal in hurricane-ravaged areas of Texas and Louisiana, but scenes such as this on Saturday at the LA Coliseum go virtually unnoticed? To recap, there were some Ohio State fans who paid $500 apiece for tickets to the USC game (those were the cheap ones), then had to break ...

Nuts v. Contraceptives: #5 Ohio State-#1 USC
Actually, the Southern California Trojans have already won this game by 24 points, but the NCAA by-laws dictate they have to go ahead and play the game anyway. Everybody important is at the game, except you. And, well, me. So let's get through this impending Buckeyes massacre together, shall we? Oh,...

Murderball's Back, Baby! (Watch Your Toes)
One U.S. team in Beijing came into these Games with all the pressure in the world on them to succeed after an embarrassing bronze medal in a sport the United States normally dominates. Yes, they laid the wood to the Chinese team in their first match, but they have a long way to go towards the mythic...

At Last ... The USC-Ohio State Sideline VIP List Is Here
The Fonz, Isiah Thomas, Ed Helms and Greg Oden are only a few of the celebrities who have been granted sideline VIP passes to Saturday's USC-Ohio State extravaganza, so get your cameras ready if you're going to attend. I happen to know that a certain A.J. Daulerio will be there as well, although not...

Jason Collins And The Golf Cart Of Doom
At least Timberwolves fans have great memories from the 2007-2008 season when their all-time greatest player won an NBA Championship in his first season with another team. Now their center can't avoid injury while driving around a golf course. Per the Minneapolis Star-Tribune: "Collins was injured ...

Twelve-Year-Old Girl Kicked Off Boys' Basketball Team For Being Too Good
Oh man, those boys on that basketball team are done. Jaime Nared is a 12-year-old, 6-foot, 1-inch basketball player from outside Portland, OR. She's just finished sixth grade and she's now playing with a girls high school traveling team because she's too good to play with girls her own age. Perhaps ...

Charlie Weis Still Hates Dana Jacobson
Since it's time for the big Michigan-Notre Dame game, the blogosphere has brought back the vodka-swilling Jacobson rant. Now The Big Lead is citiing a source that claims both Trey Wingo and Jacobson have sent personal letters of apology over the event. Evidently Wingo used the word "retarded," and W...

Mariotti To Tribune Apparently Just A Matter Of When, Not If
Get ready Chicagoland, your Jay is back. Jay Mariotti to the Chicago Tribune! Let those words luxuriate on your tongue for a moment. At least that's the word according to two of our sources, one of whom is quite close to the situation. Tribune higher-ups — and by that I mean higher than the editoria...

Cheering For Injuries Is Good For America! Jamboroo, Week 2
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," released October 27th and featuring 100% new material, is available for pre-order here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK. As...

Jason Whitlock Continues To Be Part-Time Publicist For Jeff George's Lonely Right Arm
Love him or loathe him, Jason Whitlock is one of the most fascinating sports writers working today. His columns are always infused with a stridency and subversion that make his words compelling, regardless of how batshitty the context or opinion. Like Jason Whitlock. Like him a lot. And today's colu...

Meet Dr. James Andrews: The Man Who Operates On Your Favorite Player
In the last two decades, Dr. James Andrews became the de facto orthopaedic surgeon to sports stars everywhere. His name is synonymous with sports surgery, as is his location in Birmingham, Alabama. Now Fast Company takes you inside the operating room with the man who fixed Michael Jordan, Jack Nick...

Those Pesky Mariotti-To-Tribune Rumors Will Not Dissipate
Rumors continue to flutter over Chicago this afternoon concerning sensitive Around the Horn talking head Jay Mariotti and his possible move to the Chicago Tribune. A couple of sources close to the situation have emailed me and said that the Trib's editorial staff are taking the rumors seriously, and...

Steven Jackson, Meet Sheldon Brown
For a split second, it appeared Steven Jackson's entire head came off....

The College Football Rundown: There Is Never Enough Tebow To Go Around
Chris Fowler summed up the second week of college football when he said on ESPN Gameday: "The fans deserve a better slate of games than these." He was right. Several of the games turned out to be exciting but there was nothing particularly gripping about a roster that only featured seven games, sev...

Jelena Jankovic Perfects The Art Of Undermining Her Opponent
Jelena Jankovic, the split-happy, thunder-serving Serbian may have lost the U.S. Open to Serena Williams yesterday, but she won over some new fans. Williams' third U.S. Open title returned her to the number-one ranking player in the WTA, but that news was overshadowed by the bizarre post-match comme...

Did Vince Young Quit on the Titans?
With all the furor over Tom Brady, Vince Young's fourth quarter histrionics have slid under the radar so far. Which is odd because it was as baffling, unexpected, and weird as anything that will happen on an NFL sideline this season. Briefly, the scene: On the previous drive Vince Young threw his s...