k Page 1971 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
I Too Am All Fucked Up By These Dang Card Tricks
The Sacramento Kings invited magician Anna DeGuzman to media day this week to destroy the minds of various unsuspecting players. Friends, the tricks are good....
Tristan Thompson, Apparently Forgetting Everything That Happened This Summer, Talks Shit About East Contenders
LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers this summer. You may have heard. He is now a member of the Los Angeles Lakers. His minutes on the Cavaliers will be used by some combination of Cedi Osman, Rodney Hood, and I guess David Nwaba. Here is video evidence that Tristan Thompson somehow managed to ...
Zhaire Smith's Rookie Season Is Already A Total Bummer
The 76ers provided an unexpected and troubling update on the condition of rookie Zhaire Smith Thursday afternoon. Smith apparently had a bad allergic reaction to food and required something called a thoracoscopy. Recovery from the procedure, presumably along with whatever required it in the first pl...
Brett Kavanaugh Really, Really Likes Beer
Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh spoke many words at today’s confirmation hearings. Probably you know this already, but his opening statement, and the responses that followed, were an overlong fever dream, taking surreal detours into calendar hygiene, workouts with some now-legendary Tobin, his...
CC Sabathia Plunks Batter, Costs Himself $500K, Tells Rays Dugout "That's For You...Bitch"
This afternoon’s Yankees-Rays game in Tampa got out of hand early—it’s 11-1 right now—but the beef never sleeps. In the fifth, CC Sabathia hit Jake Bauers in the wrist. In the sixth, Andrew Kittredge threw up and behind Austin Romine, who exchanged words with catcher Jesus Sucre....
The Horror On TV
That all of this—the unalloyed and dovetailing lust for power of one white male sociopath and the aggregate of white men, the future of the highest judicial body in the country, that country’s total failure to assign any kind of consequence to sexual violence, America’s marrow-deep hatred and fear a...
Kevin Durant Bemoans Basketball Media's "Pure Hate For Me Obviously"<em></em>
Here’s a recent quote from the 2008 Rookie of the Year, 2014 MVP, and eight-time All-NBA selection, who has won the Finals MVP two years running, and who elected, on two separate instances, to sign with the Golden State Warriors: “You know they’re not going to give me anything.” When asked why he’s ...
David Beckham Avoids Speeding Ticket Thanks To "Mr. Loophole" Lawyer<em></em>
Instead of paying a speeding ticket like a normal person might, David Beckham opted to plead not guilty and take this thing to court. There, his slick lawyer—known by British media as “Mr. Loophole”—got him off on a technicality, the BBC reported. ...
Carolina Hurricanes Continue To Dance On Hartford's Broken Corpse
Hartford, one of America’s shittiest cities, received more bad news today. The logo, music, and iconography of the Hartford Whalers—the scrappy lovable hockey team that Peter Karmanos uprooted in 1997 and moved to Raleigh, N.C.—have been officially appropriated by their successors, the Hurricanes....
Javier Pastore Scored Another Insane Backheel Goal
Remember that insane backheel goal Roma’s Javier Pastore scored about a month ago, how with one deft flick he reaffirmed his status as one of the most gifted players in the game after his long fallow period in Paris? Well, he did practically the exact same thing again yesterday against Frosinone:...
Mike Gundy Tries To Blackmail Reporters For Doing Their Jobs
Oklahoma State head coach Mike Gundy, the “man” of Stillwater, joined UConn’s Randy Edsall as the latest football coach to throw a tantrum over the media doing its job this week....
Marvel At The Nastiest Strikeout Of The Best Start Of Jacob deGrom's Cy Young Season
Jacob deGrom’s sixth-inning strikeout of Ronald Acuna in his final start of the season on Wednesday night was a thing of beautiful chaos. After getting his first slider fouled off, deGrom’s second pitch, also a slider, gets the most halfheartedly sad whiff from Acuna, who’s clearly baffled and down ...
German Marquez Struck Out The First Eight Clowns He Saw
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but the following two things are true: The Colorado Rockies currently have a half-game lead in the NL West, and it’s largely because, for the first time ever, really, they have good starting pitching. One of those starters is German Marquez, and he was really damn good ...
Flyers' Jori Lehterä Named As Suspect In Cocaine Ring<em></em>
Flyers center Jori Lehterä was not at practice Wednesday, as news broke that he has been interviewed by police and named as a suspect in a cocaine ring in his native Finland. According to Finnish news service MTV, which first reported the story, Lehterä has denied involvement....
Improbable Series Of Fuck-Ups Clinches Playoff Berths For Brewers And Cubs
The Brewers beat the Cardinals Wednesday night in a tense 2–1 game. The result clinched at least a spot in the NL Wild Card game for the Brewers and for the Cubs, who sit at 92 wins apiece in the closest divisional race left in baseball. And there is one Cardinals rookie who is going to feel like ab...
Report: Nike Made Sure Believing In Something Wouldn’t Mean Sacrificing Everything<em></em>
If you are someone who wants to pump your fist about Nike’s big endorsement deal with Colin Kaepernick, try this on: It is probably an encouraging sign of the times that Kaepernick’s demonstrations against police brutality and systemic racism have not made him toxic for marketing and public relation...
So, Uh, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Is Writing For The <i>Veronica Mars</i> Reboot?
Veronica Mars—the comedy/mystery show about a teen girl detective that built a cult following during its initial run in the mid-2000s and helped launch Kristen Bell into her current position as America’s Sweetheart—is coming back for new episodes on Hulu next year. ...
Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record
Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...
Kelly Bryant Decides To Transfer From Clemson, Calls Benching "A Slap In The Face"
Clemson senior quarterback Kelly Bryant announced Wednesday morning that he plans to transfer after recently being benched. He will depart the program after one full season of being the starter, though not without a bevy of weird comments to take with him from head coach Dabo Swinney. ...
Nuggets Coach Mike Malone Still Has His Handles
Mike Malone might resemble a dirty Baltimore cop with a good heart from some musty procedural, but he could still drop you with his crossover. Watch him ably dribble his way through a defensive drill with his players in Nuggets training camp....