k Page 2561 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Report: Patrick Kane Is The Subject Of A Rape Investigation [Updates]

The Buffalo News reports that Hamburg, N.Y., police are investigating some sort of incident, and two sources tell the paper that incident involved Blackhawks star Patrick Kane. And that’s literally all we know right now. (See updates below.)...

Drunk Meals 101: What To Cook When You're Totally Obliterated

Before plying myself with gross quantities of beer or liquor (or both), I like to ensure I’ve lined my belly with sufficient quantities of foodstuff. I’m not sure if it’s true—I got a D- in high school biology, and therefore lack even the most fundamental understanding of metabolic function—but if l...

These Poor Crab Fishermen Had The Worst Super Bowl Experience

That damn slant route that cost the Seahawks the Super Bowl was hard for anyone to comprehend, but I can’t imagine any Seattle fans had a worse time watching it unfold than these crab fishermen:...

Grantland dispatched Jonah Keri to cover the Mets for a week. It turned out to be a particularly amazing week. ...

Meryl Streep Rocks Out: <i>Ricki And The Flash</i> Could've Been Worse

Ricki and the Flash could’ve easily been yet another broad, obvious dysfunctional-family comedy. It’s right there in the setup: A middle-aged woman who years ago abandoned her buttoned-down Midwestern husband and kids to be a rock ’n’ roll star must now make amends, setting up a feel-good redemption...

Stun Gun-Wielding Ref Kicked In Face, KO'd By Blow To Back Of His Head

Soccer itself—and lower leagues especially—is prone to a kind of reckless, senseless violence not typically found in American sports. Toss in a heavy dose of Russians to the mix, and what is already often a caustic concoction turns downright toxic....

The Improbable Story Of Baseball's Wildest Comeback

It definitely ain’t over ‘til it’s over. The 116-win 2001 Seattle Mariners were one of the greatest teams, in any sport, to not win a championship. Led by Lou Piniella, the team was built for success: they boasted great pitching, an impeccable knack for getting on base (their .360 OBP was the highes...

Highlights Of Tom Brady's Personal Emails, Revealed In NFLPA Lawsuit

Part of the prodigious information dump related to Tuesday’s NFLPA lawsuit against the NFL is a mammoth collection of Tom Brady’s emails, each carefully tagged by an expert as possibly relevant to the Patriots quarterback’s four-game suspension for allegedly manipulating footballs. The relevations t...

Here Is The Transcript From Tom Brady's Appeal Hearing [UPDATED]

The NFLPA has filed their suit against the NFL over Tom Brady’s four-game suspension in New York federal court today, after their gambit to have the suit heard in Minnesota was rejected. Judge Richard Berman declined to allow the parties to confidentially submit supporting materials under seal, and ...

UConn's Bob Diaco Has A New Name For That Rivalry That Doesn't Exist

UConn football coach Bob Diaco introduced the world to a new rivalry, unilaterally dubbed the Civil Conflict, between the Huskies and the Central Florida Knights in June. It had a trophy and everything, and yet, no one bothered to tell UCF, or head coach George O’Leary. In fact, it wasn’t clear that...

What If The Government Tried To Ban Porn?

So it looks like Drew is taking his annual weeklong vacation to Arby’s (“Arby’s: Where Shitting Our Product Out Is Somehow Worse Than Putting It In!”), which means I HAVE THE POWER. To answer questions. Questions that may or may not have caused my wife to frown in disgust when I read her the origina...

Kelby Tomlinson Gets His First MLB Hit, In Front Of His Wife

Kelby Tomlinson might not have prevented the Giants’ bullpen from blowing Monday night’s contest against the Braves, but the gangly 25-year-old rookie did his best with his only at-bat of the game....

Michael Jordan Victimized By Meme-Wielding Teen

While giving a speech to a gym full of kids at a youth camp, Michael Jordan encountered every 52-year-old man’s nightmare scenario: a teen with a deep understanding of internet memes....

A.J. Pierzynski Hit A Game-Tying Ninth-Inning Home Run And This Was Still The Best Thing He Did Last Night

The Braves took a wild 9-8 victory from the Giants with a two-run, 12th-inning walkoff shot from 30-year-old rookie Adonis Garcia, and they wouldn’t have made it that far without catcher A.J. Pierzynski’s ninth-inning, two-out, two-run bomb. But nothing was more fun than Pierzynski trying to frame a...

Craig James Sues Fox Sports For Religious Discrimination

Befitting a man who espoused homophobic beliefs during a failed Senate run, believes himself to be Christian martyr, and has been dogged by allegations that he killed five hookers while at SMU, Craig James sued Fox Sports on Monday for religious discrimination, alleging that he was fired because of ...

Good Robot

HitchBOT Was A Literal Pile Of Trash And Got What It Deserved

First things first. “HitchBOT,” for all practical purposes, was a garbage can with an iPhone in it. It could not walk or stand or fire lasers or open a can of beans. By what standard was this piece of useless shit a “robot” in the first place? The answer: a shabby standard. A Canadian one....

Master Of NBA Mimicry Unveils Perfect Kobe Bryant Impression

@BdotAdot5, the man who graced us with that balls-out homage to Russell Westbrook, has been hard at work pumping out more impressions of NBA players. His work as James Harden and Tim Duncan are highly recommended, but his latest entry may be his best:...

Paulie And Danny Fought In Brooklyn, And The Better Man Survived

Danny Garcia has a devilish face; a Luciferian goatee; a muscular physique; an evil, laconic smile; a garish fashion taste; and a goading, belligerent father. You can imagine him whipping the ass of cowering middle school classmates for kicks. ...