k Page 2631 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NBA Writer Wants To Yank His Crank To Wolves Owner's Wife
For the second straight NBA draft lottery, the sports media couldn’t keep its collective dick in its collective pants. Last year, Bucks owner Wes Edens had his 18-year-old daughter, Mallory, represent the team at the lottery, and sportswriters jizzed all over their computer screens. This year there ...
Pedro Alvarez Wallops Home Run Out Of PNC Park, Into Moored Boat
Both AT&T Park and PNC Park were built alongside large bodies of water. But whereas the San Francisco Bay is only about 370 feet from home plate at AT&T Park, the Allegheny River is 443 feet from home plate at PNC Park. Thus, in its 14-year history, there have only been two splash hits at PNC Park. ...
76ers Win Right To Trade Somebody For Two Second-Rounders In 2017
Well, it was worth it. At long last, it was worth it. The two forfeited seasons, the lottery picks spent on bum legs, the young players traded for assets, the assets traded for lesser assets, the draft lottery letting the Heat and Lakers keep their picks instead of shipping them to Philly, the TED t...
Timberwolves Will Draft First, Knicks The Big Loser Of The Lottery
The NBA held the annual draft lottery Tuesday night, and as usual it provided drama in equal measures of hope and disappointment. This is the order teams will be picking in next month:...
Nick, The Cubs Threw Out Your Grandma’s Personalized Brick
Nick, my man, we have some bad news. Remember when your sweet grandma bought a commemorative brick to be placed outside of Wrigley Field, one that would stand as a testament to her love for you and the Cubbies forever? Well, the Cubs just made a sucker out of your sweet grandma, because they threw t...
A Perfect Picnic Beer For Fruit Realists
The Fruits of the Field are the very finest family of solid foodstuff, preferable even to the glorious Meats, Cheeses, and Processed Grains, and eons better than the mere Vegetables, Candies, and Gelatins. This is because fruits are generally attractive (even the meatiest among us will admit that a ...
Report: Titans Gave Scalper Tickets, Wrote Them Off As Military Donation
NFL sellout streaks are practically meaningless except to show fans’ interest when lobbying for a stadium financing, and to avoid blackouts. According to a report from NewsChannel 5 in Nashville, the Titans had a deal with a ticket broker to keep their streak alive and stay on TV....
ESPN's New Hire Says Global-Warming Fears Are "Intellectually Dishonest"
ESPN is a sports media conglomerate that largely, intentionally operates under the conceit that sports exist within a vacuum, untouched by the outside world except for instances in which the outside world intrudes on the sports universe. It’s a fallacious conceit, but it has some unintended positive...
The World Is A Hurtful Goddamn Mess: A Message To The Class Of 2015
Oh, God. Grad season. THE WORST. Yes, it’s that time of year when colleges around the nation pay $50,000+ a pop for some celebrity or politician or (God help the children) author to come in and spray hot knowledge all over the senior class before the kids can finally stand in line for a diploma and ...
How To Watch James Harden, The Loathsome Genius
Hi, casual basketball fan! As you’re likely aware, the NBA’s conference finals begin tonight. In the Eastern Conference, the Atlanta Hawks will take on the Cleveland Cavaliers. In the West, the Golden State Warriors will face the Houston Rockets—and their star guard, James Harden....
Robert Kraft Will Not Appeal The Patriots' Penalties
Citing a desire to end this now, Patriots owner Bob Kraft announced that he will “reluctantly” accept the NFL’s penalties for Ballghazi: New England will pay its $1 million fine and lose two draft picks. ...
Who Needs Hitting When You've Got Corey Kluber And Chris Sale?
Chris Sale and Corey Kluber pitched against each other last night, and they each turned in performances that lived up to the Best Pitching Matchup of The Week billing that games featuring two great starters always get but often fail to live up to. In fact, Kluber vs. Sale represented everything that...
Kevin Garnett Once Headbutted A Wall While Watching <i>Making The Band</i>
Kevin Garnett will probably go down as the most charming crazy person in the history of the NBA, and there are plenty of moments in Howard Beck’s massive new oral history on Garnett to support that thesis. Perhaps no Garnett-related anecdote has captured the man’s essence as perfectly as this one, f...
The Dispute Between Robert Kraft And Roger Goodell Just Got Sexy
As the Patriots and NFL clandestinely negotiate a mutual agreement to avoid legal war, Adam Schefter hints that owner Robert Kraft and commissioner Roger Goodell are now back on good terms. Schefter comes to this conclusion because a source told him that Kraft and Goodell hung out on a couch and hug...
Report: The NFL Asked The Patriots To Make Themselves Look Guilty
And the Patriots complied! Ballghazi by this point is a stacked farce, where every new outrageous development only serves to obscure why we were supposed to be outraged in the first place. But one very paradoxical question still looms large: If the Patriots, as they maintain, shouldn’t be punished b...
The Ben Bishop Save That Brought Some Sanity To The Lightning's Win
So rarely does a four-goal game have such an obviously pivotal moment as did last night’s 6-2 Lightning win to even their series with the Rangers at a game apiece. Rather than the laugher the score suggests, it was, for most of its runtime, a tense, thrilling game: maybe the fastest and most wide-op...
Report: NFL And Pats Participating In "Back-Channel Conversations"
The NFL and New England Patriots find themselves in a messy dispute that has the potential to irreparably damage the league. The NFL levied a harsh punishment upon Tom Brady and the Patriots based upon middling evidence, and are basically making up league rules on the fly. Meanwhile, Tom Brady’s app...
Kyrie Irving Has One Father, And It's Not LeBron James
Today’s adventure in hilarious interview exchanges comes via whoever asked Kyrie Irving what sort of “parental role” LeBron James plays with him (starting at the 1:04 mark). ...
Linesman Takes Massive Hit, Has To Leave Hockey Game
A Steven Stamkos hit on Kevin Klein led to NHL linesman Brad Kovachik being knocked out of tonight’s Lightning-Rangers game in the second period. Backup linesman Greg Devorski took over for Kovachik. We don’t have word yet on Kovachik’s condition....
Lightning Score Rare 3-On-5 Shorthanded Goal
Hockey fans watching tonight’s Eastern Conference Final Game 2 got a very rare treat: a three-on-five double shorthanded goal by Tampa Bay’s Tyler Johnson, whose breakaway score came only after video replay overturned the on-ice “no goal” call....