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Jay Mariotti Some Dude Impersonating Jay Mariotti Says US Women's Team Was Unpopular, Unpretty In School [CORRECTION]
Your morning roundup for July 17, the day we welcomed back the best show on TV. See anything worthwhile? Tip your editors. Via Jay Mariotti's Facebook, h/t to Justin....

Planking Reaches Its Inevitable Low Point With These Two Dallas News Anchors Named Chip And Tim
They ruined it for us....

Now You Can Watch US Women's Coach Pia Sundhage Sing Her Groovy Tunes
We ran a short item this morning on the musical stylings of Pia Sundhage, coach of the US Women's National Team. She sings to keep her players in line. We're told Joe Paterno does the same thing with Tony Bennett standards....

Five North Koreans Tested Positive For Steroids Because They Were Struck By Lightning, Says North Korea
We suspected all along that the DPRK's women's World Cup team would provide us with moments of unintentional comedy, but they've outdone themselves....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Hoops In A Foreign Land
Every week, SportsFeat picks a few great reads for Deadspin. Thanks to Yao Ming's retirement and Deron Williams's Turkish tour, here are some classics on the foreign wanderings of professional basketball players. Enjoy....

The NL Central Standings Look Like A Misprint, But Pittsburgh's Really In First
Your morning roundup for July 16, the day we wondered who was giving all thatmoney to Michele Bachmann. See anything worthwhile? Tip your editors....

Nightmare Ant Goes Nightmare Planking
If you're unfamiliar with the entity known around these parts at Nightmare Ant (birth name: Mad Ant, mascot for the Fort Wayne D-League team), he's a big ant. And he's horrifying. And despite the NBA lockout, he will not rest....

Arian Foster Stays In Shape By Riding A Mechanical Bull While Jared From Subway Looks On
Houston Texans running back Arian Foster rode a mechanical bull for a Subway-promotion-cum-charity-thing on Thursday. Jared looked on, with some other dude, and perhaps no one else....

Dook Sisters Go To Court Over Who's Dookier
The daughter of a Duke alumnus has filed a lawsuit against her sister, her brother-in-law, and Duke University for her inherited right to sit among these fine young men and women at Cameron Indoor Stadium all season long. Katina Dorton is seeking damages for the "fraudulent transfer" of two season t...

On Patrick Kane's Injury
The Blackhawks announced that Kane will undergo surgery to repair a fractured wrist. We were inundated with requests to investigate, because PK is a favorite around these parts....

Anyone Want A Life-Size Wall Decal Of Dan Gilbert's Bowtied Son?
Nick Gilbert, the breathing, five-foot talisman that charmed Cleveland to Kyrie Iring in May, wowed us with his snazzy enthusiasm at the lottery....

The Dangers Of Handjobs From Softball Players
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

ESPN Inexplicably Whitewashes Rick Reilly Column To Remove Rupert Murdoch Reference
In the Reilly column we dissected earlier, there was a throwaway line, a very Rick Reilly sort of pop culture reference....

Kentucky Demolition Derby Winner Charged With DUI After Winning Demolition Derby
Bad hoodoo from the Jessamine County Fair. Dark times. A champion laid low. On Wednesday, David L. Warner Jr., of Nicholasville, Ky., drove a beaut of a derby in the ultra-competitive small car class. Warner demolished many things on his way to the title. But instead of getting to enjoy his victory,...

Mike Leach: "ESPN Isn’t Going To Let Little Inconvenient Details Like Facts Get In The Way Of Their Agenda"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Leach is the only one not under a gag order....

Today In Great Ledes
"Sports historians will look back on what happened at ESPN's ESPY awards the other night and pinpoint it as the broadcast that signaled the rise of soccer and the death of football." [Chicago Tribune]...

So Long, Patrick Vieira. You'll Always Be "The Big Sausage" To Arsenal Fans
Patrick Vieira retired yesterday. This is sad. Vieira was one of the best midfielders ever, an end-to-end hard man who won a 1998 World Cup and a 2000 European Championship trophy with France and anchored Arsenal during three Premier League championship campaigns, including the 2003-04 "Invincible" ...

Rick Reilly Goes Union-Busting
Rick Reilly popped another reheated turd out of the microwave. It's a variation on his standard deification of golf as the world's most perfect sport. But here's the twist: this time those blue collar heroes of the links are contrasted with the greedy millionaires of the NBA and NFL....

Prince Fielder Really Needs To Borrow Your Sunglasses
Your morning roundup for July 15, the day we forgot....
