k Page 4033 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Buck Burnette Learns Another Valuable Lesson in Karmic Justice
Last week, University of Texas back-up center Buck Burnette learned a very valuable lesson about both his Facebook and racist status, after he posted the disturbing hillbilly-like message "all the hunters gather up, we have a #$%&er in the whitehouse" on his personal page and was subsequently kicked...
When We Were Kings: One Night At Rick's Cabaret
"I don't get the Derek Jeter thing, " one dancer named Julianne says from across a four top table in the dimly lit dining room of Rick's Cabaret. "He's so normal looking." Two other girls, Holly and, oh, I don't know remember what her name was — Bambi, maybe?— agree. "Yes, he's really not that hands...
Let Taxidermy Bring Out The Wildcat In You
Black Friday will be upon us soon and before you know it you will be huddled under blankets outside a Wal-Mart at four in the morning, begging the retailer to give you the honor being kicked in the head for a $10 DVD player. (Excuse me: "home entertainment system.") But why not avoid the muss and fu...
Carmelo Anthony Might Be Losing More Than Just Allen Iverson
Other than the fact that he's famous, fabulously wealthy, and can dunk on Jerome Williams, Carmelo Anthony has a lot in common with people like you and me. We all love soup, the outdoors, talking and not talking. I mean, we could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about. You ...
The World Cup Is Closer Than You Think
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject : Morning crap This unknown player for one of Turkey's national soccer teams (its World Cup roster lists Semih Şentürk, 25, a striker, as No. 9) can't be worried about FIFA politics; he's involve...
So That's Why Everyone Hates Duke
Duke basketball is quite good, but not like Tiger Woods or Lance Armstrong good. They haven't won the ACC conference since 2006, they haven't been to the Final Four since 2004, and they haven't won the title since 2001. So it's not like there aren't other squads that are equally deserving targets of...
Piazza Convinces Publisher That His Life Story Is Entertainingly Heterosexual
One of my good friends from high school had the opportunity to work out with the Dodgers during spring training in the mid-90s. He said the experience in the locker room was memorable because Ramon Martinez swung his penis around like a gangster's pocket watch and that Mike Piazza had the most disgu...
Barack Obama Will Not Take Away Your Ties Or Your Hair
I don't remember where I saw it, but about a year-and-a-half ago, in one of those "Hey, there's a cool black guy running for President!" stories, the writer posited that Barack Obama, if he were to somehow win (crazy!), would have something immediately in common with John F. Kennedy: He could destro...
ESPN Creates Poker Drama, Then Spoils It For Everyone
ESPN has spent months building up to tonight's broadcast of the final table of the World Series of Poker. They even convinced organizers to take an unprecedented 117-day break before settling the final table so that they could broadcast a "plausibly live" show tonight, just hours after the champion ...
More Failed Shoplifting Tales From Not-So-Smart Athletes
A 20-year-old Binghamton University basketball player has been booted off the team after being charged with shoplifting from an incident on October 26. 20-year-old Malik Alvin was confronted by Wal-Mart security after he attempted to abscond with 36 condoms shoved down his pants. Alvin (Al-viiiin!) ...
Saying Farewell To The Tuba Man
Seattle is known for its characters, from the guy who waited in line outdoors for four months to see one of the Star Wars prequels, to artists who create giant freeway trolls, the city has always embraced the odd and the colorful. But one of those unique voices has been silenced, sadly. I used to se...
Ashley Stewart Sues Larry Johnson, Poses In Wetlands Area
As if Larry Johnson didn't have enough problems — he's returning to active duty this Sunday for the tragic factory fire that is the Kansas City Chiefs — now he's being sued. Johnson allegedly spit on this woman, Ashley Stewart, during an altercation in a Kansas City nightclub last month, so she's ta...
Obama Received No Mandate In Death Valley
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject : Morning crap Lest we think that LSU fans were totally focused on hating Nick Saban and Alabama this past Saturday, please remember that The Pelican State is also very red. Can a lone fan cry ou...
Ha! I Can Never Be Tackl ... Ohhh, Mommy!
This youngster here is obviously a fan of the classic, straight-ahead running style of now-retired Dolphins running back Larry Csonka. Ouch. I should have listened to mom when she suggested beginning golf. The question is, which hit was bigger: This one, or the one levied by the Eagles' Chris Goc...
College Basketball Returns—Now With Lower Field Goal Percentages!
Everyone's favorite team will open the college basketball season tonight, and by "tonight" I mean 4:00 p.m. this afternoon and by "favorite team" I mean "Georgia Southern," who will tip off against Houston in the first round of the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament that formally begins the NCAA year. To...
The Continuing Saga of One Online MMA Community and an Angry Martial Artist Pestering Rick Chandler
A little less than a month ago, you may remember the story about MMA fighter Lloyd Irvin and how he disarmed an intruder at his family's home using a fancy sambo technique. In the initial post that Rick wrote, he was skeptical about the report, which resulted in a few testy email exchanges with Mr. ...
College Football Roundup: The Hailey and Hanna Nutt Edition
In honor of BCS clarity arriving (thanks to Iowa we now know that the Big 12 will play the SEC for all the gold in Zimbabwe—that isn't already smuggled to Zurich), we bring you two striking young lasses who recently transferred from Arkansas to rejoin their daddy at Ole Miss. Meet Hailey and Hanna ...
Mike Van Ryn Is Having A Rough Year
The NHL season is only a few weeks old, but for Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman Mike Van Ryn it probably feels like an eternity. Back in October, he removed a pane of glass from the boards in Boston with his face and on Saturday night he was on the receiving end of this rather nasty boarding penalty...
Suddenly, Tyler Thigpen Is So Much More Than Just a Skeleton-Molesting Nobody
The Kansas City Chiefs are mired in a classic rebuilding season but the last three weeks the team has shown remarkable improvement on offense, most notably third-string quarterback Tyler Thigpen. The former Coastal Carolina quarterback has responded with some eye-opening output in his last three gam...
ESPN Knows Not Of This 'Hockey' You Speak Of
Look, I'm the first to admit that this here site isn't exactly Puck Daddy. But when we start an NHL feature, we tend to finish it, unlike a certain Worldwide Leader, apparently. I wouldn't even mention this except that ESPN, in abandoning its NHL rankings back on Oct. 23, has generated some quite am...