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![Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/vx39uk0qkpugpvvrxiqy.jpg)
Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]
Over the past year, Donald Trump has called Ted Cruz a liar and a wacko, accused his father of helping to assassinate JFK, called his wife ugly, humiliated him at the RNC, and even once referred to Ted himself as “a pussy.” Now, Politico is reporting that Ted Cruz is “expected” to finally endorse Do...

The Seahawks Would Like To See White NFL Players Join The National Anthem Protests
In Tulsa, a police officer has been charged with manslaughter in the shooting death of Terence Crutcher. In Charlotte, a curfew and the presence of the National Guard led to mostly peaceful protests after two nights of clashes with riot police, even as the family of Keith Scott called for the public...

Thanks To Draymond Green, NBA Refs Will Be Cracking Down On Hits To The Dick And Balls
Draymond Green was the loudest, brashest, most dick kicking-est player on the NBA Finals-losing Golden State Warriors, and he has already secured a legacy of sorts for himself: starting next season, NBA referees will be making a point to spot and penalize strikes to the dick and balls, or what the A...

Judge Threatens Sanctions If Derrick Rose's Lawyer "Shames And Blames The Victims Of Rape"<em></em><em></em>
The federal judge overseeing Jane Doe’s civil suit accusing Derrick Rose and two friends of rape today entered his written order that Doe must use her real name at trial, following his oral ruling on Tuesday. Judge Michael W. Fitzgerald ruled that “plaintiff’s use of a pseudonym at trial would undul...

New Touchback Rule Designed To Reduce Number Of Kickoff Returns Is Actually Increasing Them<em></em>
I do not like to say I told you so (I love to say it), but all my haters and doubters (there were none) can eat every last speck of my shit. ...

Who To Start? Who To Sit? Fantasy Football Advice For Week Three Is Here.<em></em>
Week three of the NFL season is upon us, and if you’re one of the 75 million fantasy football players in the world, you’re probably wondering who to start and who to sit. Our weekly fantasy football advice column is here to answer all of your questions....

A Night Of Tear Gas And Chaos In Charlotte
Charlotte, N.C. — The fatal shooting of Keith Lamont Scott by a police officer in Charlotte on Tuesday sparked protests that started off peaceful and quickly turned violent. Those protests continued Wednesday night in the middle of a busy intersection in Uptown Charlotte, a night full of tear gas an...
![Reports: One Shot, Several Injured As Protests In Charlotte Turn Violent [Updating]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/geugrkefgftixi9i0fcf.jpg)
Reports: One Shot, Several Injured As Protests In Charlotte Turn Violent [Updating]
Protests have swirled through Charlotte after Keith Scott, a father of seven, was shot and killed by Charlotte PD Tuesday. According to his family, he was armed with nothing more than a book. This evening, protests once again became violent, and reporters from the scene are reporting that someone ha...

Stephen Jackson Righteously Owns Don King On CNN
Evil relic Don King introduced ham demon Donald Trump at a campaign event this morning, and in the process, said “nigger” when he meant to say “Negro.” As a rule, you shouldn’t listen to anything Don King has to say, but it’s always worth laughing at him. ...

Richard Sherman Addresses Police Killings Of Black Men At Press Conference, Then Walks Out<em></em>
Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman did not answer questions about his team’s upcoming game against the San Francisco 49ers during a press conference today. Instead, he spoke about the recent deaths of Keith Lamont Scott and Terence Cutcher, two black men who were shot to death by police thi...

The Time Norm Macdonald Bombed So Hard On <i>Star Search </i>That Even Ed McMahon Didn't Laugh
The following is excerpted from Norm Macdonald’s new book Based On A True Story: A Memoir. It is out now from Spiegel & Grau, and it is very, very funny....

That Might Be The Last You See Of Adrian Peterson As A Viking
Adrian Peterson tore a meniscus in his right knee on Sunday night, and announced today he’s going to have surgery tomorrow to repair it. In the absolute best-case scenario, he’ll only be back for the playoffs. Much more likely, he’s out for the season. And after that?...

Judge Rules Woman Accusing Derrick Rose Of Rape Must Use Her Name In Civil Trial
A federal judge ruled Tuesday that the woman suing Derrick Rose and two friends, alleging that they took turns raping her when she was too drunk to consent, must use her real name if the case goes to trial. One of the woman’s lawyers, Waukeen McCoy, said the judge ruled that way because “he wants ev...

Seahawks Heavily Penalized For Overly Intense Offseason Workouts
Like the Giants winning the World Series, Pete Carroll and the Seattle Seahawks strike during even years....

Jaguars Lineman Kelvin Beachum Carted Off After Sustaining Concussion
Jacksonville Jaguars offensive tackle Kelvin Beachum left today’s game on a cart after suffering a concussion....

Lamar Jackson Remains Ridiculous
That Louisville quarterback Lamar Jackson is having an unreal season was already apparent—13 touchdowns and 1,015 total yards of offense in your first two games will make that clear, even if said games aren’t against particularly tough competition. That Lamar Jackson is potentially a demigod of some...

Ravens Assistant Coach Dies After Bout With Cancer
Baltimore Ravens assistant coach Clarence Brooks died Friday night after a bout with stomach and esophageal cancer. He was 65....

How To Skewer And Cook A Meat Dick
Listen. We are going to form and skewer and grill and eat meat dicks. There’s just no way of obscuring this, so let’s deal with it right here and now....

We Are The Deadspin Staff: Let's Chat!
It is Friday afternoon and we have to convince our bosses we are still working, so come on down and hang out with us in the comments. ...

What The Heck Is Going On With Chris Ivory?
Jaguars running back Chris Ivory missed last week’s game against the Packers after being hospitalized early Sunday morning with what the team described as a “general medical issue.” Ivory was released from the hospital on Tuesday, and he will now miss this weekend’s game against the Chargers due to ...