l Page 7353 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Shaq Politely Requests Stan Van Gundy To Taste His Buttocks
"[ H]e's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go in the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic." [ESPN]...

Hockey Games Bring Out The Drunk Muppets
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Cowboys Cut Their Losses and Terrell Owens
There must be a hundred reasons why the Dallas Cowboys' 2008 season was an utter failure, but after thinking it over it seems that Jerry Jones has decided to blame it all on Terrell Owens....

Britney Jordan: Great With The Rock... And Working The Pole
There are plenty of stories about athletes who came from humble beginnings, who stare down adversity, cliche, etc. Here's another one: Meet Britney Jordan, one of the NCAA's leading scorers and former Philadelphia exotic dancer....

Take Our Survey and Get Your Game On (if you're lucky...)
Fill out this short survey for us, and we'll send one lucky sports fan a $100 gift certificate to Gamestop. Simply email [email protected] with the last question of the survey to enter. Standard contest rules apply....

Mark Cuban Is In Touch With His Inner Travis Bickle
Mark Cuban was none too pleased with the Mavericks' 96-87 loss to Oklahoma City on Monday, so he's putting his team on notice. Any more lackadaisical play, and (use Trump voice here) you're fired....

The NHL Trade Deadline Is A Humbling Affair
While the NBA trade deadline brought approximately two actual deals and the MLB trade deadline has been a washout for years, the NHL version is like playing a video game on franchise mode while drunk....

The Florida Gators Will Bury You
The University of Florida is trying to get special permission from the state to turn their campus into a cemetery, so that they can accommodate all the lunatic alumni who want to be buried there....

Chris Paul Enjoys Some Ween
• Doin that stuff that you do: That's Dean Ween of the rock band Ween, hanging out with the New Orleans Hornets. There's nothing odd about that at all. [700 Level]...

Momentum Gathering For A College Football Playoff?
Mountain West Conference submits proposal to NCAA for an eight-team playoff to determine the BCS champion. NCAA's likely response: "We have a Mountain West Conference?" [USA Today]...

Hello, This Is President Obama Calling On Behalf Of Oregon State
Oregon State basketball coach Craig Robinson said he wouldn't be above using President Obama for recruiting purposes. Presumably he was kidding. Or considering how competitive Div. I basketball recruiting is, maybe not....

Muhsin Muhammad's House For Sale On eBay
For $1.9 million, you can own Muhammad's 6-bedroom house in south Charlotte. Panther. Swipe. [Charlotte Observer]...

Sad Tale Of Missing Boaters Only Gets Sadder
The Coast Guard suspended its search for Corey Smith, Marquis Cooper and Will Bleakley last night and now begins the mourning, the healing and all the "what went wrong?" wondering....

Warner Loves And Leaves 49ers, Agrees To Makeup Sex With Cardinals
Two days after he was romanced by the 49ers via limo and private jet, Kurt Warner agreed to a two-year deal with the Cardinals, ESPN is reporting. What a slut....

Maurice Jones-Drew Might Be High Right Now
The lilliputian running back tells Dan Patrick that he's better than most of the running backs in the league. Oh, and he's also training in Egypt, you know, running the pyramids. What a rapscallion. [DP]...

Cyst May Force Alex Rodriguez To Cease
Alex Rodriguez is having a bang up year in 2009. The latest calamity? A bone cyst that may force him to bail on Team D.R. at the World Baseball Classic....

Maurice Clarett Creates Controversy, Even From The Slammer
So there seems to be some question on whether imprisoned former Bronco Maurice Clarett is actually writing his own blog. Is he using a ghost writer? What's the WiFi access situation in cell block D?...

Deuce McAllister Cannot Sell You A Reliable Automobile
First, he gets cuts by the Saints and now Deuce McAllister Nissan in Jackson, Mississippi, is filing for bankruptcy. I think someone needs a hug (and a bailout.) [WDSU]...

The Tom Brady Body Metamorphosis Is Almost Complete
And here's one for the ladies. Or men who like pictures of shirtless athletes. Tom Brady has been spending this off-season rehabbing, marrying, and getting all Vin Diesel'd....

ESPN's Mel Kiper Page Links To Hilarious Profane Car Ad (Update)
This is likely to be removed soon, so hurry: When you click on Mel Kiper's page today, you don't get Mel's NFL draft take. Unless the Matt Stafford debate includes a profane car ad (NSFW)....